25.12.11

Santa Claus did not come to me

坐在金马伦高原一处 眺望着远方
冷冷的空气 街上的人群
我尝着一口浓浓的巧克力蛋糕 再配上圣诞节星巴克特饮
这个圣诞节前夕 过得有点不一样
别人说 平安夜 失身夜
我说 平安夜 单身夜
跟两位单身的姐妹 开始了这段简单的旅程
有点仓促 但总算能过个冷冷的圣诞 简单放松的假期

记得往年都是和一大班朋友一起过……
今年少了他们 的确有点空虚
但是 网聚其实也不错
大家wish来wish去 很warm
尽管少了实在的感觉
可能大家不能时时刻刻陪在身边
就像网络也会时常断线
但是心灵上的连接 不曾断过

我其实不想想太多
只想简简单单的 宁静的 度过这个圣诞
朋友们 想念不想时常挂在嘴边
但是只希望你们 偶尔得空时 会记得那班曾经的好朋友……
圣诞节快乐 Smile

11.12.11

信任

我说过:“我自问很尽心尽力去做生命中任何一件事情,对于人生的认真,绝对不敷衍妥协。”

我也在fb发文说:“我一直都在努力做好我自己。我不想一直说自己到底做了什么事、多少事……
少说话,多做事。一直都秉持这句话去做事。今天的我是不负责任,今天的我是没有能力,今天的我是没有信心’的话‘,我想说,我不会接下这一切,也不会默默地、傻傻的为这一切付出……”

我很讨厌被人质疑……因为对于我有信心、我有能力的事,我很在意。
很在意被人眼里的自己,说自己没有付出努力,说自己没有做东西。
如果今天我在这个位子,我没有做过任何事,我没有尽过任何责任,我可以站在那里原地不动的被你责骂。但是我自问自己付出得不少,我自问自己不曾敷衍过自己的人生,更别说你的人生,现在你责问我、说我好像没有尽一百分的努力?我知道自己不比你努力的多,因为我不在你的位置。我知道自己不比你看重这场比赛,因为大家理念不一样。但是我拥有的热忱不比你少,我付出的我也不想多说。

信任对我来说很重要。无论做什么事都好。一个team,一件事情,一段感情,一段友情。缺乏了信任,我觉得做什么,都不重要了。俗语说:“用人勿疑,疑人勿用。”你不相信我,就不要用我。不要合作。我并没有什么损失。你也不用再辛苦用你的眼光、用你的秤去量我做了多少东西。大家不合则散,好来好去。

朋友说:“不必为了这些小事烦恼……”
会的,今天以后睡醒,把精神集中在考试……
加油 Smile

*此文只是纯发泄,同意与否纯粹个人观点,不供作讨论。

8.12.11

虽然我也只是个妹妹

对 又在半夜发文
只能在这个时候
最多感触 最能写东西的时候
其实也没什么要说的 只是就是想发
想发泄一下
想说 那没用的自己
又在浪费时间了
喜欢发呆 喜欢胡思乱想些什么
无聊

距离哥哥结婚不远
我想说一点感觉都没有
别人并不了解
在那张看似欢乐幸福的画面 背后隐藏的悲哀
没有人了解 这个家庭背后的感伤
未来是如何 我就像个局外人一样 不能做出断定
我问:“没有了感情的婚姻,算什么?”
没有了爱的感情,只存在着责任
就像没有加糖的咖啡 苦涩的
但往往还是会有人会傻傻的 乐在其中

我并不了解 那是什么样的爱
只觉得很傻
那令我想起一句话
“当你爱上一个人的时候,你就已经是个傻瓜了”
她可能是个傻瓜 但是她爱他
很爱很爱他……

我不懂能不能够献上很真诚的祝福
尽管那是我觉得 曾经 很亲近的人
是的 曾经 你对我来说是那么的亲 那么的尊敬
我不能够评论 与谴责
不是因为我是个妹妹
而是因为我是一个理智的人
一个总是希望能够在为事情背后发生的一切 找出原因
我想知道原因
如果说那是因为‘爱与不爱’的问题
也只能接受

每个人 总要为自己所做的事 负责任
我是这么的认为
只要不会为其他人 其他爱你的人 造成困扰
我觉得你要怎么去做 那时你的事
尽管 你对我来说 是那么重要的亲人
我只希望你能够为自己做过的 负责 那就够了

那祝福 可能是个希望
希望 你会为保护这个家庭
不要让爱你的人失望
不要让爱你的人受伤……

7.12.11

伤不起

郁可唯 伤不起
作詞:林夕 作曲:饒善强
就像一個夢想 只能 想像
就像兩個氣球 不容 碰撞
說聲很有感覺 簡單
承認真實相處的感覺 很難
一點點不安 就掛在心上
不是愛不起 只是傷不起
只知道堅持脆弱浪漫
不知道誰不自量
怕難過 想難忘
以為追求完美卻又經不起受傷
既然歡樂變成負擔
只有不歡而散

就像咖啡只能 不斷 加糖
就像親吻不曾 預備 辛酸
只會接受笑容感動
不愿面對抱頭痛哭 難堪
沒想到這樣 也只能這樣
不是愛不起 只是傷不起
只知道堅持脆弱浪漫
不知道誰不自量
怕難過 想難忘
以為追求完美卻沒想過會受傷
既然歡樂變成負擔
只有 不歡而散

不是不愛你 只是傷不起
不斷在分享沒想過分擔
一直朝泡影莽撞
才失望 就絕望
以為追求完美變成兩敗俱傷
既然歡樂變成負擔
活該 不歡而散


钟爱这首歌
一直很喜欢林夕作的歌词
很简单
很一针见血
就像歌词里一样
表达了一些意境 一些感觉
一些自己不懂如何表达的词句
完完全全 彻彻底底的
被歌词全部给带了出来
不是爱不起 只是伤不起


最近好像没有多余的空间让自己静下来
思考
回想 身边所发生的每一件事物
很缺乏思想
只是盲目的 一直埋头苦干
几时才是出头天?
没答案
话说final就在下星期
考完试后更忙
那是什么生活了?

2.12.11

沉淀

总算看清了一些真挚的友情。
知道某一些人无论如何在你生命中还是很重要
知道某一些人其实缺少了也没有什么好可惜的

没有了生日后的喜悦,只因一切来得太急躁
回到来只能埋头苦干一大堆还没有完成的功课
足足没有睡一整个晚上,还要顶着去上课
结果回到家就是一阵昏迷直到另一天的早晨

回顾今年生日,几乎,平淡,和自己向往的蛮像似
但偶尔还会有些落寞。
我对自己说:“知足、快乐”也是我每一年差不多的愿望
总是期待会有那么一个人了解自己,但知道还没有那样的缘分后,
失落、低潮
还是会满怀期待的去迎接下一个未来


想着自己每次自己沉默然后低泣的夜晚
苦笑着自己也有闹情绪的最近
心情很容易变得糟糕
仿佛回到了以前
那个永远只会忍气吞声
生闷气的自己
生气自己 理智的每天只会怪自己的笨蛋
生气自己 只会把一切有的没的吞完 然后只会向无辜的朋友诉苦
生气 我干吗要为那一些不值得生气的人与事而生气?
在浪费自己的青春 时间
很累 每一次都在生气时睡觉
只想 再醒来的当儿我会忘记一切

我说我每一次都很用心、很尽力去做好每一件事情,
希望换来的是美好的回忆。
我不期望有什么回报,
只希望那么一点一滴的努力,
能够让别人看见以及珍惜。
那一份肯定,对我来说很重要
就好像人们努力生存也只是想证明些什么
想向全世界说:“我存在着!”
我不期望能活多久,我只想证明自己存在在这个世界过
然后在世界的某一个角落,某一个地方,至少会有一个人认同我

今天被黑夜吞噬了自己
我期待明天的光明会把自己带回原来的地方

26.11.11

又一年

这一年 又在电脑面前默默的倒数自己的生日
不同的是 今年 陪伴着自己的并不是assignment
因为想放松一下自己 不是明天due date
难得今年能在半夜发文
想说 今年的愿望 其实也跟往年差不多
只是想平淡知足的过着自己想要的生活
想要的东西 总是有很多
但是总不能一时间 能够满足的
就好像我要一直提醒自己 要感恩 要知足
去面对每一天生活
我想要的 其实并不多
简单就好过 =)

前几天 我做了一件搞笑的事
也是自己想做的实验
在Facebook保密了自己的生日
看下到底有多少个人记得自己的生日
到底有多少个真心祝福的人
结果我看明天才能懂
但是看刚刚的情况来讲 
我很幸运 因为我的好朋友都记得 
谢谢你们,特别感谢美燕每次都是最早的、也是最有心的
我很喜欢那封message,很特别、很感动
我总觉得多少不重要 有心就好了
还有前几个礼拜 与前几天的提前生日会
你们的心意 我都收到了
只是想再一次 真心 诚恳的 跟你们说一句

谢谢 =)

23.11.11

生日·快乐

今天替亲爱的健芳庆祝生日,很简单,很开心
就像聚会,就像真的很久不见的老朋友,就像一家人
这也是为什么坚决觉得自己没有后悔是下乡团的一分子的原因
很有爱,很有感情的一个团体
我在里面可能找不到那种中学的青涩友情,
但却在里头感受到人在异乡的温暖与爱♥

跟朋友庆祝生日当然需要
人家说,或每个人都认为,
庆祝生日,是要看心的,就要验证你们的感情深厚度。
虽然自己有时候也会那么认为,但是我其实是一个很传统的人。
认为生日,就应该+必须要有家人。
能回家庆祝,是自己不想错过的事。
就算不能在正日,也至少,在那个月,要回家和妈妈吃顿饭。
这是对自己很重要的原则。对妈妈的尊敬。
这个生命,得来不易,想每次生日都那么提醒自己。

我不是一个很会做人的人
我喜欢恶搞那些想为我庆生的朋友
也只有一次,那么唯一的一次受骗了
发誓自己不会再被骗!XD
自己是个喜欢制造惊喜的人
可以说习惯了惊喜,所以对于‘惊喜’,
也可能是‘惊’,多过于‘喜’罢了。
但是今天,很享受,因为成功制造惊喜。

其实,快乐可以很简单。
但并不是每个人都能明白
那简单的快乐。
我要的快乐,也只不过是你的快乐 =)

21.11.11

短文

在自己生病的时候才懂得自己的脆弱

偏偏在这个脆弱的时刻

只想回家

想说要尽快完成这里的功课

赶快、期待星期四的到来

回家去 =)

19.11.11

The box

Just feel to evoke something very meaningful and quite true from Dr.Hera—our Biopsychology lecturer.

She said, when the animal fight for their food or kill others animal for food, we will think it is normal. But when comes to human, if we kill somebody because we want something from he/she, we are wrong.

Legally speaking, if you talk to a lawyer, the answer will be: “Because we are human being, we have rules and regulation and so called LAW to restraint our behaviors.” Agree. To certain extend. But as a psychology student, we will tend to argue just between MORAL vs. Justices.

Did not try to argue on this statement, but I was interesting to point out something very important but we always taken for granted—THE MINDSET.

We are quite a very special creature that thinks we are so special and different, especially from other ‘species’, but dint we all are animal for god sake? We think that we are so special just because we had that brain that enable ‘thinking’. But who says and judge that animal did not had a brain to think at all? To certain extend, they think too, and maybe in our world they were so stupid than us, but it might, I mean in their world, the one in front of them (the human) is just a fool. Just because they did not speak, they did not express themselves, we judge them, we put them into category, we did everything and put into a ‘box’, and this is what I called the “Mindset”.

A mindset I want to define here is the box( yes I meant a box, which is small enough to keep yourself inside), that we always want to keep something in ourselves, our life, some principles, some rules, some judgment, anything that we think that is right, and that, is our very magnificent HUMAN MIND.

Interesting didn’t we? We all own a box. Inside the box we know what we kept, it’s either we open it, to let more things to go in, or close it, it is your own choice. But I will say, I would like to borrow the closed box from others, slowly open it and get something from it, didn’t it make life more easy?More interesting?

person_in_box

Grasp yourself a moment. To.think.out.of.the.box.


题外话之最近生活:
回到来KL一个礼拜就忙足一个礼拜。Assignment,test统统给我杀上门来。想说就算几忙得自己,其实还是会有机会给自己放轻松,但只是很快的,轻松完了,就要马上回到紧绷状态,真的是怕自己的柔韧度没有那么耐。感觉上没有时间发呆,发呆了会愧疚,因为白白浪费了几分钟去放空。压力,每个人都有。只是看你自己到底怎么去应付、与面对。至于未解决,生活还是要过。现在趁年轻,冲吧!

11.11.11

触动

一阵莫名的感触涌上头来。
原本以为不会有太大的感触,以为只会有不一样的感觉。
与中学朋友再一次看了《那些年》,看完过后,冲动的买了星期六的票,想和另外一班朋友再看。
其实没有任何太过特别的感受,比想象中良好。

只是在结束分享后,回到家,心情沉淀下来时,鼻酸了,眼眶突然一阵涩涩的。我说我从不后悔那些年拒绝感情的日子,有一半是真,一半是假的。如果那些年,我从不理智,我从不成熟,懵懵懂懂的谈上一场恋爱,可能现在的爱情观可能会不一样。如果回到那些年,我从不羞涩,从不胆怯,勇敢的毫不犹豫地做出一些所谓幼稚的事,可能现在就有一些不一样幼稚的回忆。

我从不敢想象,如果回到那些年,让我有机会回到那些年……我会如何从新选择。但是人生总有会有那一些些的遗憾不是吗?我不敢很肯定地说我从不后悔,但是现在的我谈不上后悔,也不能如此地说。毕竟人的经历,各有不同。

那些年,我从不真正面对自己的感情。说我逃避,说我以学业为重,我只能说我是自私的。不想为了一些有的没的,伤害别人或伤害到自己。内心的刺痛比任何一切看得见的伤口更严重、更可怕。知道自己承受不了就干脆选择不要去爱上任何一个人。我称之为洒脱。可能我是傻的,但恋爱的人是不是更傻?
你说就算傻,就算痛,也总算爱过。我没有爱过,但我却了解痛。矛盾。
是扯远了,只因这一刻的心情,很饿,睡不着觉。
曾经有人说过:单身久了,其实也想要有个人来依靠。
有那么样想过,但是却不想随便,因为自己对于某一些东西还是会执着,还是会想要完美的回忆。
会一直试着保护着自己所坚持的一切,就算到最后还是徒劳无功,也总算对自己负责了。

7.11.11

Soft melody in life

Today was a special and relax reunion with old school friends. We finally had our very typical Ipoh uncle and aunty lifestyle in this early morning. After our dim sum session in the early morning, we persuade ah soong to skip her intern work and had a walk to D.R. Park—a very historical place for me during my childhood.

It’s been many years I did not come to this place and what is left here are all my childhood memories. I just remember this place, was the place where my family spend our weekend, while my father was still around. Mum used to bring all of us to dapao dim sum and we will have our breakfast inside the car, after that we will play around the park. We also took lots of photo with my other father-side relatives as old photo albums were still kept until now.

photo0447

It had changed a lot. Imagine I was like more than 10 years not step inside the park. We saw there was rubbish around and the environment was not that clean anymore. Maybe when comes to children, we did not really pay so much attention to some particulars and as children, we did not even realize this place was not that big.

photo0451

This place is where we all back to childhood love to play with. This playground used to be so BIG to me, when I was 5 I think. Not anymore now……

photo0472

After the walk, we went to eat the most famous toufu fa+ soya—namely BAK BAK (white white for direct translate). Still, we are like grown up acting like a kid. Smile with tongue out

Back then, it is always crazy and relax to be with my lovely friends. Talking about the past, joking around, and talk about something nonsense… We are just so great with that.

There will be since a couple of days I will be here luckily.
And this is the most usual thing that I will do when I come back here—haircut.
photo0440

Now this is a very short one, for the fringe~!!!I really not used to it and cant really accept it. Though have to >.<
Not feeling to dye my hair during this period, and might wait until my brother’s wedding in December.

photo0437

And yes I had shopped for few days and hunted quite a few new clothes. It is cheap btw~!!!

Photo_00036

And this is another one I wore on my sister’s birthday celebration. And I still have two more waiting for another special day to be wore.

Back to Ipoh,
I am a dater
I am an out-goer
I am a baby sitter
I am a bad daughter
I am not a good aunt
I am not a good friend
I am a bad student
I am so damn lazy.

I just want my life to run in a slow pace like a soft melody in a song.
I just live in my way.
It is just here, I can live in this way and to be myself.

photo0466

童真,在我们脸上是曾经是那么轻而易举的显出,可惜现在却遥不可及。

1.11.11

The Anniversary and…

Today  Yesterday was our 3rd Anniversary for Graduation Day since secondary school, meaning to say that I have been graduated for a total 3 years already~!! I missed those days. And my friends too.
I was merely forgot in the morning if not Ah Soong sent me the message (like every year she used to do that~). Thousand appreciate.

I was so sick that had been stressed for few days because rushing for assignment. And this is also the first time I still stay up late when I was so sick and uncomfortable—just to do the assignment. Once again this story telling us not to procrastinate but once and once again we will do the same thing and I-don’t-know-why. Another lesson learnt is that I cant really rely on others to do things and feel so unsecure and nervous without really check it by myself, unless I believe the person so much (perhaps I convince myself to). Without any choice, I can just tell myself for this time: “lesson learnt, be brilliant.”
Not forget to talk about the crazy act that mostly all of us changed our profile picture to the same at Facebook (the one I edit for my beloved friends).  
Capture1
Quite a lot of us changed our profile picture after we had proposed the idea XD (only 7 can be shown but I swear its more than that~!)
Capture
And here is the conversation between us in our special group.
Cant really recognize who and who?That’s every single comment contributed by different people~! =P

给最亲爱的你们:
今天是毕业纪念日。我从没忘记过那时的感动与泪水。
心中依然有你们。而离别,仿佛象是昨日刚发生过的事。
依然守着的五年之约,至今也只剩下731天,
我也只能把剩下的那段时光抱着期待的心情,期待的下一次的相聚。 :)

Suppose to sleep early since did not get much sleep yesterday but still want to play on illustrator. I found myself cant help to stop when come across drawing and design on something. Just want and try to do the best that I can. And below was the rough design on flyers and poster for our coming CCS stage play for next year.
Untitled-1
poster(CCS-stageplay)-darkness-version2
Comments are welcomed~ Open-mouthed smile
The script was quite well-written and all the performers are in well-training. Just very excited to be part of it.
So my day so far is just like that. And the sickness continue to strike if I didn’t get enough sleep today. Night world Smile

27.10.11

述说那些年……

想要大声地告诉全世界:“我看了《那些年,我们一起追的女孩》!!!”
半夜战战兢兢抢购的预映戏票,终于昨天看了!
等了我半年……果然刀大没有让自己失望。虽然他只是诚恳地要把这份爱意表达给那位在他心目中无法取代的女孩,但是还是觉得真的是超级无敌的棒!

细说……当年,第一次知道/认识——九把刀。

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这是我第一本看九把刀的书,也是我最爱的一本。

真的很喜欢九把刀的作品。这让我更加肯定,自己欣赏一个人,一位歌手,一个演员,一个作家,的确很喜欢那个人的性格,然后打从心里喜欢他们。
无可否认,自己放了很多期待、希望于这部电影。因为真的很喜欢,很喜欢,很喜欢这一本书。可能那时看这本书的时候,觉得很贴近自己,青春时期,那段我一回不去的岁月。但是却打从心里,就算觉得不可能,还是很希望能从电影,感受到或重新体会那年轻的感觉。就像导演坚持要完成自己的梦想一样,就像他要透过电影来找回那十七岁的自己一样。

“青春是一場大雨。即使感冒了,還盼望回頭再淋它一次。”

而错过的那场大雨,我很想有机会再体会一次。

我想如果自己没那么早熟,没有经历过一些事,没有那么理智,我会勇敢,我会疯狂,我会尝试的去狠狠地淋一场大雨,不管有多倾盆。可惜我没有时光机,也没有一个浪漫的男孩为我制造那个独一无二的时光机。
你是浪漫的,柯景腾。

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觉得只有男女主角的海报很浪漫,但自己却对这张一班朋友在海边玩完水过后背着蓝天白云的海报情有独钟。

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有机会真的很想很想和一大班朋友去海边拍回一些这样的照片。很有FEEL。

戏内、书内都有很多精彩的对白……
“成长,最残酷的部分就是女孩永远比同年龄的男孩成熟,女孩的成熟没有一个男孩能招架得住。”——柯腾
“人生里很多事都是徒劳无功的。”——沈佳宜
“我想要成为一个很厉害的人,我要这世界因为我而变得有一点点的不一样。而我的世界其实也只不过是你的心。”——柯腾
“常常聽到別人說,戀愛最美好的部分救是曖昧的時候,等到真正在一起,很多感覺就會消失不見了。”——沈佳宜

《那些年》是我中学时期看的一本书。它记载的不单单只是纯纯的青春爱情故事。不只是男孩与女孩的故事。它包含了一些属于每一个人不同的记忆,属于自己独特的记忆。我喜欢里面单纯简单的青春爱情故事,那份纯,细腻得让人觉得遥不可及,却那么的刻骨铭心,尽管觉得可惜,却是生命中一丝丝回忆的甜蜜。

我说:如果说每个男孩的心中都有个沈佳宜,那么每个女孩又何尝不希望在生命中有个柯腾呢?

尽管没有电影里般的青春故事,但我却想起那些年,那年少轻狂的我们,一同很热血的做过一些很疯狂却已足够让人回味的事。

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疯狂的朋友们,我想念你们了。

想着,一定要回去和你们一同看这部戏,想必感觉一定不一样吧。

21.10.11

突如其来的想法 就像这场大雨

可恶的生活 就是如此的潇洒

不喜欢照着所谓的规则而走

今天两位室友回去了家乡

她们说:“我们走了你就会很孤单咯~”

我心想,我正难得清静。

我并不觉得一个人有什么大不了

我可以一个人走去超市 一个人推着篮子 买自己要买的东西

再回到家 一个人煮一个人的午餐 一个人看戏

我并不孤单 因为我有自己作伴 我喜欢与自己对话

意味着我正在加深对自己的了解

我说我并不需要另外一个人与我分担

因为此刻的自己 安静 才是我最好的伴侣

一直想去流浪

一个人 到陌生的国度

想去吹风 想去看海

想去探讨 这世界的另一面

是否会与自己的不一样?

“那样的期待已足够浪漫”

同意。

实在期待,那未来的旅程 =)


题外话至今日金句:
记得那份坚持,不如去寻找回到昔日那份热情,
就算劳累但至少也过得有趣一些。

20.10.11

Back to the movie mood

Didn’t really get well today because get traumatic after effect from biopsych midterm. Anyway, no matter what, I had meals with friends, back home watching movies continuously along with the pouring rain, everything bad, like flushing away just like that.

Since the previous post, I always wanted to post something else to cover it. LOL~! But not surprisingly I get some feedback and comments from some friends. Some sweet and blessing, but too saying something funny. I do appreciate that, for whatever comments, thanks~! But what I have mentioned, it’s just a kind of feeling, and something I am not too good to express verbally. It’s truly what I want to express but maybe not too good in terms of words also.

Back to the topic today. Finally I got to finish some of the movies in my list. 3 movies, one fresh downloaded and two watched half.

1. The sorcerer and the white snake

This very fresh movie. I was like wow~!”It’s still available in the cinema~!” But I got to download it~!XD936full-the-sorcerer-and-the-white-snake-poster

Lots of exaggerated graphics and animated effects,which I don’t really like in Chinese movies. But storyline is fine and the character is so gorgeous, didn’t she? And the way it conveys the message “Love” is touched and romantic, so I guess maybe this is the point that so many people said it’s a nice movie?

Recommended? StarStarStar

2. Temple GrandinTemple-Grandin-2010-Dutch-Front-Cover-40168

A movie recommended by a friend and I get from him of course. Real life story of a genius with autism called “Temple Grandin”. Old fashioned style movie, but what makes me interested is the character with extraordinary mind but has odd behaviors—particularly, Autism. I like it since it’s related to my study on Biopsych =D truly interesting for me XD

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Guess what in this photo? I search online and just know that the actress is so gorgeous and so different from the character inside the movie~!!! The main character “Claire Danes” (left) with real “Temple Grandin” (right). Believe it in your eyes~!!

Recommended?StarStarStarStarStar

3. She is out of my leagueShes-Out-of-My-League-poster

A comedy, a love story. All I can say about this movie. A guy has no confidence at all in himself that he can have a perfect girl friend. Of course another gorgeous inside this movie, but why no hot guys in my movies? Haha~anyway, Lovely story and it-is-just-very-American-comedy-style-movie-on-love for me.

Recommended? StarStarStarStar

Finished my rating. Hope readers can get something out of it if you have not watch any Smile

Before I go, I really want to complaint about my tortoise connection line here~!!!! We were pay like RM140 per month but we received sucks service and sucks connection~!F**k~even tortoise is faster than it~! Hope can deal with Unifi package asap.

15.10.11

那些关于爱情

总是期待那童话式的浪漫爱情故事 会发生在自己身上
浪漫 到头来 烂漫
20岁了 我很骄傲的说 我从未拍过拖
没有堕落过所谓的爱河
但是不要看小我对爱情的知识
我一直在想 如果我谈恋爱 我一定是一个很浪漫的人
就算我未必能展现我的浪漫 但或许另一半是浪漫的
我一直在想 如果我要爱一个人
我一定是疯狂的爱上他了
因为 先天条件要我喜欢一个人
要超越我爱自己的程度
就是说 我连自己都可以不顾了
疯狂了 爱了

我一直在想 我的另一半
也将会是我自己的最后一个另一半
看不见未来的世界 很恐怖
所以一定要对未来有信心 我才能开始一段恋情

所以说 你知道为什么我到现在都还没有拍拖
没有爱上一个人
因为我不觉得我可以爱一个人 胜过与爱我自己
我不觉得爱情可以看到未来 并充满憧憬
因为我害怕 怕会疯狂的爱上别人
而不顾自己
因为如果被伤了 那真的 会很伤

14.10.11

Peer Support Day

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It is so lovely to see my book covered with so many colorful paper with words ♥♥♥ And it’s all because of the “Peer Support Day” by PSG@HELP. How this work is by buying the stickers from them and stick to your friends’ back to show your support or give he/she some sweet words~Silly yet interesting. I think it’s kind of funny and good idea to have such event like this =)

These days I did not busy with any event yet, but mainly on study seriously. But I do feel so exhausted and directional-less when come across assignments, and sometimes on the books. Anyway, still everything need to be settled and everyone need to pass through these phase.

Gonna have real experiment run this semester~!!*kind of excited but still a bit nervous* Hope everything will go smoothly and won’t be extremely panic to analyze the collected data.

Mid-term will be on next week~ makes me can’t go back home even it’s free weekend T_T I missed my mum, cute nephew and bobo~

Updated this in a rush way. Just to let whoever reading this keep track to my life. Have a nice day. Keep your smile, I always on your back =)

10.10.11

一个影片 勾起了无数的回忆

不好意思最近写得比较频密~
因为有少许的感触
也除了写部落 对其他事都没感什么兴趣

刚看完了 Selina即将要出嫁的影片
极力极力的推荐!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XSZyniISoqo

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♥那张还留在硬盘里 她们的照片♥

真的有很多感触。
不单单是因为支持了她们整整10年之久
也因为她们 陪着我成长
我可以说听她们的歌长大的
10年了
除了喜欢她们的歌
也很喜欢她们爽朗 直率的个性
从来就不做作
喜欢她们 因为她们 就是她们
我永远最爱的女子天团

那为什么那一段不长不短的影片 会勾起无数的回忆呢?

你们有没有试过
当耳边响起熟悉的旋律时
某一段 你曾经 经历过的画面出现了?
然而 就是如此
陪着我长大的歌 如此的熟悉
让那段深藏已久的记忆
缓缓在脑海中浮现

我甚至打开了file 看着自己以前的照片
还是那句 ‘不堪入目’
果然是‘青涩’、‘年轻’还有不懂如何形容
或许年少轻狂 还是这句话形容得最贴切
以前的自己 可以做事不经大脑
但是很直率 很容易为了小事而狂笑
现在的自己 凡事深思熟虑
还会嘲笑 那貌似曾经的自己 的学生们 孩子们
但好像没那么多真挚的笑容了
因为懂得思考了
也因为那思考能力 时常提醒自己
不能像个小孩 要‘大人’一点
不能那么明显 要保持神秘
很少人多时大笑 要保持形象
不能这样 不能那样

但渐渐的自己 也习惯了那样的保护色
总在人前隐藏着那真真切切的自己
不喜欢被猜透的感觉
就好像光脱脱的把自己展现在别人眼前
那层厚厚的 看不透的 保护色
不是刻意 那只是习惯了
尽管有时还是会提醒自己 要自然一点
但是 我就是如此的
不想长大
但还是长大了
没办法 再停留在那不现实的国度

就像曾经的那三个天真的女生
也变成了魅力四射的女人
自己 也不再是10岁的小孩

9.10.11

瓶颈

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生活仿佛遇到了瓶颈

我所谓的瓶颈 只是自己在生活上

无论做什么事 都好像提不起劲

没有心情做任何事

就算平时喜欢看戏的自己

面对着一堆还没有看完的戏 没有想要结束他们的意思

面对着一大堆要温习的科目 一看到就头痛

做什么 都感觉不能很投入

对生活 失去了那份热情

好像都没有一样东西 可以让自己爱上

没有一样东西 可以让自己有兴趣

热衷生命的自己 去了哪里?

无题

人 很努力很努力的活着
究竟为了什么?
对不起 emo了

因为刚计算完最近的预算
看着一大堆的debt
想着自己一毕业出来就是负资产
欠了一大堆的债
等着自己去还

其实以前的自己
根本就觉得没什么
还就还咯
以后的日子还不是一样
做工 生活 还债

但是最近越觉得压力大了
人长得越大 背负的东西就越多
不能一味着专注一些自己喜欢的东西
‘身不由己’ 即使如此的现实
但是的确 有时候轮不到你自己来决定

316496_264750023558618_262067760493511_879035_1760368143_n世界是如此的多姿多彩
可惜的是要做到真正的体会这世界
又有多少个能做得到呢?

6.10.11

A great man’s ‘great’ with his contribution and ability to change the world.

How much impact to the world from Steve Jobs’s death?
How much impact to Apple in the future from Steve Jobs’s death?
How much impact to Apple users around the world from Steve Jobs’s death?
It’s pretty sad that the news all over the world today is about the great man—Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, the father of all i-series products. 

For me, I don’t really know much on his story before until today he dead. I think many of us are more willing to read his story, his legend, to know more about him started from today.
Maybe his death would bring a great effect to the world, but I don’t think it will be long lasting, as he will be an history someday and many might forgot about him even today the news all around the world is about him.
But seriously what he had done, was really impressive and “He’s the man who changed the world.” His creativity, his innovative, his passion to what he loves, his wisely thought, and also ought to be an ”inspired mentor” to many of his friends and workers.

But guess what?I am not a iphone/ipad/iMac user which I am not affordable to have it. But I do have an ipod at least and iTunes is the best music player that I ever used. The day when I admired and agreed Jobs is really bright and inspired man is after I watched his speech on YouTube. That he shared 3 stories in his life to others, which everything he said, is all come from his life experiences, and had bring great impact to the people who had listened to it, and I was one of them.

His greatest quote:
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition." –Steve Jobs.

It maybe a thought that everyone could think of. It maybe a phrase that everyone can say it out through the life that they had experienced. But it’s because that came from a great man’s mouth, everything is different.

I will never forget his though on death, which I am totally agreed on.

He read a quote "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."
And with the quote, he lives for his life over the passed 40 years everyday, passionately.

He said:
“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.”

Cruel, realistic, but that’s what we all need to get through in life.

Maybe we cant really be a great man like him,
or as successful as him,
or even get through his level,
but with his spirit to taste the life differently,
like what he creates the slogan for Apple: Think differently
We are all a different APPLE in Steve Jobs’s eyes I think.

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~You are an apple in everyone’s eyes~R.I.P Jobs~

Special dedicated to Steve Jobs
by    Jill

3.10.11

小事之悟

回去了怡保一趟。
终于 这一个月 有一个星期 是可以回家的

约了几个很久不见的好友
看了一部电影 喝了一顿下午茶 爬了一半的山
也坐在咖啡厅 听着那晚表现得不太好的驻唱
从现状聊到毕业前 中学聊到去小学
可能话题 还是会一直一直得不改变
但是 我们却一直在变
总是说 “回想起当年啊……”
我觉得自己有点不堪入目(尤其是在小学的那段时间)

对于那段记忆 其实真的很模糊
可能太不堪入目 可能连自己也不敢去回想 把那段记忆 给suppress了
记忆中 小学的自己 是一个不知不扣地 introvert
现在回想起 可能真的对自己很没有自信 或有点自卑去了
没有人会相信 现在的extrovert 
以前竟然是安安静静 默默无名 永远不嫌出风头的 胆小鬼
朋友说 那样的改变是好的
我同意 因为现在的自己 的确是开朗多了
想必 人生的经验 的确可让一个人 瞬间成长 并在不知觉之下

尽管多么的困难 人还不是一样的走了过来
If you ask me what is my plan,I will say my plan is no plan.

25.9.11

不要做别人的不一样 做自己的主人

每个人仿佛都在寻找着一种可以让人释放的方式。

我尊重  言论自由

我自问 自己也没有 批评的资格

在适当的时候 不作声 是我自己面对自己认为对的事 而作出的坚持

可能 在某个程度上 有时候 是对的

但我不出声 不代表我认同

我了解 我知道 但我也不想说出来

是因为我相信人与人之间 那细微的关系 能够表达一切

可能最近的自己 真的是很少时间 在网上和朋友聊天 所谓的联络感情

但比起 这一些网上的嘘寒问暖

对我来说 也不来得一通电话 与面对面的接触 深刻 与实在

可能深处远方的你们 会说我并不了解

但是与你们分各两地的我 也其实感受到的

自己的解决方法就是 埋头苦干

每天出去忙 然后带着疲惫的身躯回家

然后因为劳累而睡着 这样又过了一天

每个人都有自己解决问题的方式

问题 能否解决 那就因人而异了

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♥还是喜欢那片天空   那片海♥

22.9.11

Full Moon Night

Finally the “full moon night” had come to an end. The whole month of celebration for mid-autumn considered end too.

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Really don’t know what to say besides tired and suffer all along these preparation days. I knew someone really put hard work and even their heart on it. I knew some just like passing by walking around like a child playing sand there. Fortunately, we managed to make it quite a success in a way, and I seriously need to thank friends that helped me a lot along these stress time.

Pictures not really says a thousand words sometimes. But it do captured down the memorable moment. Sometimes thing just very weak to be destroyed, but with photo, at the moment we captured, everything is there, even after it had been destroyed and no there anymore. And this is also the reason why I like photography. I like to capture down some meaningful things, events and people. Memory might be fade away, but I like whenever I look back a photo album, I will smile Smile

Every bitter and sour time we had tasted, already changed to sweet and beautiful memory in our life. And I believe every photo might tells about me, about you, or about life. It’s just that simple.

月圆之夜,这一天,

不一定能看到完美的月亮,我是我肯定,

就算没有月亮的出现,大家还是觉得很圆满

19.9.11

I Love Art!

I’ve think of a long time to design a logo for this blog and my future design thing. And don’t get me wrong that I want to become a designer in the future. It’s just my interest to use computer, some software to draw something. R.A.M.D.O.M.L.Y. I mean. I was not talented enough to have my very-own-special-design. But I just want something to symbolize myself, as least can put at my private side such as blogger Smile 

And I have used like a whole day to figure out how to make this thing to become better looking. And finally this it~!

jill-production-logo(desktop)

With this, I can put it into my copyrighted photo, t-shirt design, and many thing else. And yes, I love peace.

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I spend like a whole day play with my illustrator and also downloaded Photoshop finally.

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I’ve put every photo with my copyrighted logo as watermark. Can see see that?Smile with tongue out

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Oh ya forgot to talk about my Melaka one day trip. See the photo above? It is a really random and casual trip that without any packing or preparation. A road trip for two, but the whole trip for five. Again the food there always give me surprise. This time I tried nyonya dishes, durian puff, coconut milk shake, nicer sate celup, and also a very special sponge cake. Of course durian puff and coconut milk shake surprise me the most~! Even it used my half an hour just to wait for a few cups of coconut special, but I think it’s worth for it. I would certainly want to go back purposely for these food Smile with tongue out

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And of course never forget the beach too Winking smile  The place which can see lots of kites, can ride horse, play bubbles, and for sure take lots of stupid photo (pointing to photo above**)

A trip can always help us to forget who we are and how much stress we faced in life. But what makes after a trip cruel is that we must back to reality and face whatever shit we face in life A.G.A.I.N.

I can’t believe my week is gone just like that. Next Wednesday gonna have a big event. This blog might be updated again after that.

S.T.A.Y T.U.N.E.D for more~