"If I could live one more day in life" - continue...TO BE HAPPY

Ever since Facebook has this function "On this Day" to look back and refresh what I've posted on this particular day - years ago. 

I really look back on it - like literally everyday, to see how stupid I was and what I've done years ago, well that's was my growing up process.. Still, I'm growing and learning from the past. 

But other than Facebook, now that I'm back to blog, I always look at what I've blogged about too.

5 years ago, today, I posted a title "If you could live on more day in life"

I wrote that after I read a blog by a young girl who was suffering from cancer. 

I believe she has passed away since her blog has stopped updating..

I'm not too sure but I believe she did fought hard until the very last second of her life. 

And her story, did last..And able to encourage some of the people (at least me at that point of time) who is suffering from their daily lives. 

It's heartache to write this..

 Even I don't really know her, and I'm just a stranger. 

But I still remember how heartache I was to wrote about that post, that a young bright girl has gone through so much pain in her life, yet she is so encouraging, wise and thoughtful. 

Now that she's gone...

"What if I could live one more day in my life?"

My thought would be the same as 5 years ago - "appreciate the time that I have now. Doing things that I think I should do, and things that I like to do, as there is no tomorrow for me"

Now that I would add on "DO WHAT I SHOULD AND BE HAPPY."

BE HAPPY is the key, and my goal in life. 

It sounds simple yet it's so hard to achieve. 

When we will never satisfy for what we are having now.

I just hope that I'm able to remind myself "To stay SIMPLE"

Try not to compare, for everything that others have but you don't. 

Try not to jealous, for everything that others have achieved but you don't.

Try not to hate, and always remember and prepare to forgive, to anyone who has hurt you or trying to hurt you. 

Always be loving and spread the love, that's how I can contribute to this world :)

知音

是不是要真正經歷過那些失去與痛苦
才能寫出 細膩 又耐人尋味的故事
那些文字中的共鳴
還有帶著無數的遺憾
都完整地呈現在故事裡
我深深地感覺到
那些文字中 淡淡的遺憾 還有微微的刺痛
又或許 很多故事都是"純屬虛構"
但有些經歷與感觸 卻那麼的像似
不一樣的個體
卻有著一種連結
那種像似的連結
你寫的 是我想說的
你寫的 也許我也經歷過的

我不知道這種寫作靈感 或感覺 會維持多久
也或許最近看太多書籍
一直有好多話想說
有好多感覺與想法 想寫出來
像以前一樣
不同的是
以前寫的是心情
現在寫的是想法

我想 或長或短
我都會一直一直地寫下去
有沒有觀眾
都不重要
若干年後 我將會是這一切的觀眾 :)

If I were a sunny doll

It’s been a while and I found it’s really hard for me to put something down easily. Especially something that had influence my mood. Mood swinging around and I become lost control, for sometimes, but recently, quite frequent.

Sometimes I just confuse about life. To please others or to please myself? Yes. Many said, of course we must live to please ourselves! Just be yourself. In fact, did you? or… can you? Can you live selfishly just to please yourself without caring for others? Frankly, life is not just about you. It’s always about you…and others. Of course we could not please everyone in life. For sometimes, we failed. We failed to please some and we might feel tired to please others in life, at certain point of time. Contradiction comes in play. At first we think, why we want to please others always when we are not feeling to or forced to? But we do actually care what may happened to others, because we just care-on-the-person-that-we-care-about. Just because we care, it may hurt, when comes to disappointment or we failed to please them. Not trying to evoke any sad or emotional post for today, it’s just a piece of thought from me today.

 

Icantpleaseeveryonejustlikethesesunnydollsdid.

But I will try my best to make you smile

Past few weeks back to 2011

Was disappeared on blog for quite a long time due to some activities and events that had planned during my finals. Immediately after my finals,

• I had my crazy night at Mist club for my friend’s birthday
• Another day, I taking a long journey bus for vacation at Cameron Highland with two of my secondary besties.
• And I went back KL after 3 days relaxing Christmas vacation in cold whether, then from KL, I go to Junjong, Kedah with my COS family.
• From Kedah, I spent half day with my friends and makan at Penang.
• But finally, I ought to back to Ipoh before 2012 and countdown with my old school friends.

Travelled a lot and I am so tired~! Seem a busy and packed holiday for me this sembreak. Anyway, it is kind of sad that I can blog here because I had back KL. There will be a stageplay coming next week.

Below are the photo that had taken during all the events and activities.

• Attended an international debate as one of the committee
• Went for a very ‘red and hot’ concert
• Attended my eldest brother’s wedding
• Spend my Christmas at Cameron Highland
• Countdown with my friends at Ipoh
  

Feel to talk about 2011 even now already 3rd Jan 2012. Sorry I am still not getting used to it.
For the past 2011, I had did a lot of crazy did, mostly crazy, now I realized.

About earning money
1. I never think of being in a direct sales. I do hate it at last, I found out. I am not really a business kind of person and yes I am a stupid when comes to money. But I still thinking I am lucky because I still got my lovely friends and family being there to support me.
2. In 2011, I worked out a lot on finding ways to earn money, sometimes, in a way that I did not like. I hate myself that cant stay in something for a longer period. I am a hot tempered person when comes to things that I did not enjoy.
3. At last, I still earning money in a stupid way, but I enjoyed it.

About friends
1. I found out some people are just that important but sometimes it’s just okay to live like that without them, anyone. It’s okay for me to be alone sometimes, but I still need friends.
2. I get to used to find alternative ways to make myself happy when I felt sad and disappointed about friends.
3. I realized I can treat a true friend very nice, but he or she must be nice to me first. I like reciprocal relationship.
4. At last, I realized even sometimes I can put a heart to a friend but he or she not necessary did. Never mind, I will know it.

About family
1. Still, the most important element in my life.
2. I felt hurt when someone in the family trying to lie or hide something behind you, even it’s for my own good.
3. I felt hurt and disappointed when someone you really admire and respect did something to hurt the family.
4. Even how much I trying to hate you and can never forgive what you did, I still love you because you are my dearest family.

About life
1. I had think more about meaning in life. Someone I admired said,” there are always something meaningless in life, but we still need to live through it.” So, just live through it.
2. I’m still a very optimistic person because I can ignore anything that is bad to me. I can say ‘never mind’, because for me, I just need to get through my life in that way.
3. I cant say I know everything about life, but I do understand what kind of life I wanted to have.

That’s all I can blog about for today and talk about my new year resolution tomorrow.

沉淀

总算看清了一些真挚的友情。
知道某一些人无论如何在你生命中还是很重要
知道某一些人其实缺少了也没有什么好可惜的

没有了生日后的喜悦，只因一切来得太急躁
回到来只能埋头苦干一大堆还没有完成的功课
足足没有睡一整个晚上，还要顶着去上课
结果回到家就是一阵昏迷直到另一天的早晨

回顾今年生日，几乎，平淡，和自己向往的蛮像似
但偶尔还会有些落寞。
我对自己说：“知足、快乐”也是我每一年差不多的愿望
总是期待会有那么一个人了解自己，但知道还没有那样的缘分后，
失落、低潮
还是会满怀期待的去迎接下一个未来

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想着自己每次自己沉默然后低泣的夜晚
苦笑着自己也有闹情绪的最近
心情很容易变得糟糕
仿佛回到了以前
那个永远只会忍气吞声
生闷气的自己
生气自己 理智的每天只会怪自己的笨蛋
生气自己 只会把一切有的没的吞完 然后只会向无辜的朋友诉苦
生气 我干吗要为那一些不值得生气的人与事而生气？
在浪费自己的青春 时间
很累 每一次都在生气时睡觉
只想 再醒来的当儿我会忘记一切

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我说我每一次都很用心、很尽力去做好每一件事情，
希望换来的是美好的回忆。
我不期望有什么回报，
只希望那么一点一滴的努力，
能够让别人看见以及珍惜。
那一份肯定，对我来说很重要
就好像人们努力生存也只是想证明些什么
想向全世界说：“我存在着！”
我不期望能活多久，我只想证明自己存在在这个世界过
然后在世界的某一个角落，某一个地方，至少会有一个人认同我

今天被黑夜吞噬了自己
我期待明天的光明会把自己带回原来的地方

Say ‘hello’ to ‘goodbye’

I’m a person who like to fly, but I know I can’t fly.

Just like I want my freedom so much.

I always want to grab it.

And it is not far away from me.

But,

there are always things to keep me down.

To keep me in a cage.

Chained my legs and so I can’t fly.

There are always things that we don’t want it to be happened, it happened.

There are always something called “out of expectation” or “unknown” that we do not want to face.

There are sometimes, it is just that cruel, we need to face it all.

As such, “to-say-a-goodbye”.

Simple phrase, easy to say it out, but hardly to get let it down.

It is just another ordinary day, an ordinary mid-night, with an extra-ordinary mood, “The other day which need to-say-goodbye”.

If you could live on more day in life

Just read a blog written by a girl from JB and how strong she stayed up and yet fragile to fight against cancer, fight for her life.

I just shared it crazily on Facebook, Twitter, Plurk or even here, every social network that I connect to.

Here is her blog  -- http://dancingpapercranes.blogspot.com/

And I think this is what I could do now perhaps, give her mentally support or just doing some simply thing as what a human being should do.

Would you noticed that whenever you shared something with people, a stranger, people will doubt “Is that true?” or “It does not really related to me” “Why should I care for this?” so forth. And they will back to their story on how pity or how fucking life they had. I am not meant to blame or angry about the selfish people as we are all selfish people. I do understand we all are, included me. I was just so useless to talk and share here by doing nothing really can help her directly. I felt ashamed as I am 20 now, sometimes still complaining about life and wanted so much in life. But this girl, what she wanted so much now is just a healthy body. A body that she can do whatever simple things that we normally can do.

Empathy do attack me. Seriously I wanted to help this girl so much but I just found out I cant really do anything by myself. I mean people will say “How many people you could actually help as she is just one of the portion of people who are fighting for cancer? and what you going to do? Like expose her to public? Will she wanted this to happen?” It’s all unknown. And I cant really answer all these questions. Yes we did maybe feel so touched and sad sometimes whenever we saw her post and saw how strong she are and might be emotional sometimes when things getting out of control. Still we cant really help.

But what I would do is reading her blog everyday to keep remind myself how grateful I am that I still can breath everyday when I wake up and still can see things around, listen to whatever noise or sound, making noise or sound myself, smell the fresh air, able to walk to bathroom and brush my teeth everyday in the morning. Would that be sounded not-so-bad at least? That’s the reality and harsh thing that not every people can do it. I was impressed for a 18 years old girl can think like that. Not many could do that as if for me, I will tend to think optimistically but I rather die if I want to suffer so much in life. But she is just so different that she could foresee the reality and able to cope with the reality. I think those experiences taught her a lot, on how to survive at this society, in this complicated world.

I asked myself a question, what would I do if I have one more day in life? I cant really answer this question until when I really experience it and forced to face it. But I do appreciate the time that I have now. Doing things that I think I should do, and things that I like to do, as there is no tomorrow for me. Cheer for this girl—Leonie. I might not a prayer for you but I do hope everything going fine for you and will go and check for your updates often. And I will stay up for life doing my usual stuffs like sharing those stories that can evoke some deep thinking and inspiration in life.

Be grateful, be cheerful

念

半夜，总是不想那么快入眠。

夜越深 越静 时 脑袋就越清晰

在想些什么？

还不是 希望把看过的戏整理 自己的思绪

很喜欢 很写实的戏

因为越接近社会 越觉得有东西需要反思

人活着 是不是要自己 把自己的故事给写完?

对 自己写自己的故事

故事 要怎么去发展 由你自己去决定

有时候 生活在社会的枷锁 人人往往会说 没有的选择

但是 选择 多得是呢

是看你自己 要怎么去选 怎么去做 怎么去写 你自己的故事

是否到底是 真的无法去改变？

还是个未知数

信念 是一个想法 一个很自我的意念

不管生活在怎么 我可能改变不了 那繁类种种的个案

我只是很努力的 活着 至少 多我一分意念

尽我能力 去把 社会不好的一面 慢慢的修补

就算那么的一丁点 我也觉得 活着 不仅仅是呼吸着

散·文

（一）一句能表达现在心情的歌词。

“沒有想法 有想法又能怎樣
只能寫部落格整晚
幾個留言安慰不了 心裡的遺憾”—— 丁当《一半》

有时候几句歌词，就能表达到自己的心情。我不懂为何还要写那么多去修饰。有时候是想法，是心情。在人前总是保持沉默，沉默并不代表没有意见，没有想法。有时候沉默，只是不想懂那么多，而为了那些有的没的而出现的那种想法，浪费着时间、岁月。

（二）距离，就是那么耐人寻味。

若近若远，似有似无。那么的虚幻，有时候保持距离，设有界限，可能对大家比较好。

（三）世俗

讨厌世俗的虚伪，但是你无法不承认虚伪就是定律，是不伤害别人至于还能保护自己的行为。我懂，我明白，就算站在腐败的社会，也要鹤立鸡群，拥有独立的思想与行动。

（四）末日

可不可能什么都不在乎，就算世界真的末日，那就打开双臂迎接吧。就在末日之际，拥有遗憾，那又怎样？总是有无能为力的时候，放开、看开，可能会让自己好过点吧。

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1) Don’t tell me what life should be, I already knew what it is.

2) Maybe you are right, when I say this, I stand on your perspective; I have my own thoughts too, can’t people just look at different perspectives just like I do respect your thoughts too?

3) I don’t know what’s in your world, maybe it’s just simple as that, perhaps I just don’t want to understand.

4) Stay in peace for everything. JUST FOR PEACE.

Just live for it

Not really remember what I was writing for the previous post which I have already lost it. Yes I have wrote something few days ago but I did not post and now I found it was lost. Trying to search back in my memory, maybe is about my busy life and how I cope with the stress with tones of assignments, COS(stands for Community Outreach Service, which I always mention in my blog) and also CCS(Chinese Culture Society, a new society that I joined at HELP, which is also Chinese based) activities.

Alright, what I mean busy is that, regardless of usual school time, I will have meeting for every week, different assignments to pass up nearly every Friday except this next week, need to spend at least one day per week for my part time job, need to get some outing with my friends to maintain friendship…bla bla bla… So you can see normally I can update my blog everyday, at least one post per day or two day, but now I totally have not enough time to write my thoughts.

However, I want to say that I am enjoying what I am or was doing. I never regret what I’ve joined or took part in. This is just part of my life. Do whatever you like, make your life YOUR LIFE.

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I knew many people are crazy and afraid of “THE END OF THE WORLD” when Japan got 8.9 earthquake and tsunami recently. Everyone just freak out~ Everyone is afraid of death and scare the bad thing will happen to them. I don’t know how can I face this so peacefully and don’t ask me why. I am not that cold-blooded and say, I AM CONCERN ABOUT LIFE. Frankly, it doesn’t really happen on me and I don’t know what will I react if it really happen to me. I can say I have no sense of worry or tension when face to death, but I am a coward if you ask me to kill myself or jumping down from a building. This is what I can say.

What I posted for my status: “Everyday, there were some people die, but why when there was only a big traumatic event, people only realize we should grateful for life or have to pray hard for the unfortunate people? I thought we should have this kind of thinking no matter how the world is or will be. Incept this thinking as the very basic principle in your everyday life, when the day come, maybe you can face the death peacefully.”  This is what I want to tell the people whoever scare or believe in ‘2012’ or ‘end of the world’, live as what you live in. What are you freaking out for? There is a probability that you are going to die for the next second. WHO KNOWS? Could you tell me when you are going to die, unless you end your life yourselves? Don’t you realize people are just helpless whenever things are out of control? You could pray hard or even harder for the one who suffered from the traumatic event, but what’s left you can actually do to help them? Do something meaningful man~ Participate in donation, get into physical help, that is what they needed. Do as what you said.

And next what I want to sum up is that, JUST LIVE IN YOU LIFE. Make it meaningful as you live in it. You can pray hard for whatever bad things never happen to you and just live in your world. But trust me you gonna hold on a very powerful principle in life, that is “LIVE FOR TODAY AS THERE WAS NO TOMORROW.” You never know whether you have ‘tomorrow’.

If you ask me what is the most powerful thing in the world, I will say “human mind”. A piece of thought can make anything different. If I could control mind, I would not manipulate it, I will influence it and let it be what it should be.  

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你问我青春是什么？青春就是做你想做的，活在当下！

很想在年轻的时候，大干一场。

年少轻狂，忙碌就是你的岁月，至少汗水是流在有意义的事情上！

我没有钱，但青春就是我的本钱，我痛快的玩过、疯过，疯狂青春，此生无憾！

对于人生的大道理，我只略懂。但是我对自己人生的意义，有一定的原则，我有自己一套的想法，可能不是人人都受用，接受与否，是要经过你自己的思想道路。

做你自己认为对的事，可能是错误的，可能会后悔的，但如果每一事都质疑，你就不用前进了……

语·思

我可以欺骗自己不要喜欢一个人，但是我不可以欺骗别人说我喜欢他。

如果那就是爱，对不起，我觉得有点肤浅。

我不觉得自己有资格说些什么，我不是你，就像你也不懂我在想什么一样。

Fake a smile is easy, how to fake it without the knowledge of others is a tactic.

就像平静的湖水也有泛起涟漪的时候   很多事都变成正常

It is interesting to study human mind, but it reflected how funny human is, have such an interest to study and discover own species. even make so much explanation about their own behaviors.

给予尊重    是希望能得到同等的尊重。

感受 不用言语的 不用眼神的 这是心灵上的沟通

青春 我都把它花在有意义的活动 很激动的说

沉默 是几番静思 是几番忧郁 是几番神秘

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很喜欢事无忌惮的写 是思想 是言语 表达的是一句又一句看是有关联或没有关联的文字

我实在无法表达 我又多么的喜爱 玩弄文字与文字之间 那一段细腻的情感 是那么的美丽 那么的有意思

可能有那么的一天 能把这些文句都编成书 那是梦想