2012 to 2013

Hi here I am posting the last blog for this year 2012.

2012 is a challenge year for me.

My degree third year and I am going to end my University life next year and a new page of life will be coming soon. Real soon.

Let’s flash back what I had done in the past 12 months in 2012.

What I can categorized this year is before and after I meet her.

Before I meet her, I was busy with my life full of events and what I gained is those joyful memories and wonderful experiences with wonderful people. This is the earlier months in 2012.

In the mid 2012, my life changed as I met her.

This wonderful girl in my life, who is so important to me and I could not barely think how could I live without her.

We began like most couple did. Flirting over phones, social platforms and go out in group for around 2months.

And finally I spoke it out with full of bravery in my life, that I never did. We get together.

In these 8 months I had been with her, just like the other couples did, we did argue, we did have fun, we did cry, we did laugh, we did everything that show how much we love others. We hate each other weaknesses, coward-ness, stupidity, but we love those sweet deeds, romance and surprises. It’s all LOVE.

And yes finally I realized what my friends had told me before, what I am before I fall in love and who I am now after I fall in love, could be different. I think this could be what I had learned the most in love. We need to take care of the other’s feelings.

I couldn’t be selfish anymore as I what did before, care-free for everything. But now I have to bear with whatever feelings that happened to her, or related to her. I have to remember that I am no longer an only person but I could have done many things that related to her.

2012, is not a world end year. But a year full of love for me.

My new year wish is just hope we could still stay together happily.

Hope we got a peaceful year ahead. With full of love, joy and fun

Happy New Year Everyone

如果还有明天

如果还有明天

我想地球上会有多半数人开心，

又多半数人伤心

开心，因为还可以活在世界上

开心，因为自己不相信的语言被打破了

伤心，因为还要面对接下来的考试

伤心，因为还要面对接下来的难题……

 

其实我自己本身真的对世界末日没有什么感觉。

没有伤感，没有快感。

因为日子还是要过，无论明天过得如何。

我不相信有世界末日。

如果有世界末日的那一天，我相信我自己也不会存在。

如果明天就是世界末日，那么接下来的这些话，

这篇东西，这个部落格，还有着世界上的一切……

都变得毫无意义……

 

如果你问我明天是世界末日的话，我会做什么？

要做的东西真的做不完。

倒不如好好把握时间，做完自己应该做的东西。

至少明天没有世界末日的话，我还要继续生活。

然后花点时间抱一抱自己认为重要的人，

做自己想做而认为做不够的事。

花几秒钟深呼吸，感受一下还活着的感觉……

 

我对明天没有期许。

我只想好好的活着，这一刻。

与成熟的距离

突然觉得自己与成熟的距离还有很远

以前总是觉得自己很成熟 很有想法似的

我总以为 自己好像经历很多东西似的

我总以为 自己好像过了大半人生似的

我总以为 自己很聪明

结果我也只不过是烂聪明

其实自己也是生活在框框中

 

我无法去取悦生命中的每一个人

我记性不好

要整天把自己想要做到的事情、要改变的事情写下

去提醒自己 要怎么去做人

去做别人喜欢的自己

但是却很挣扎的觉得为什么我不可以做自己喜欢做的自己？

别人要的我：

要成熟

要读好书

要快快毕业找工养家

要学会做每件事前想一下别人

我羡慕 我尊敬

那些可以在台上为了自己梦想表演的人

那些不计较钱为社会服务的人

那些可以在大草原努力奔放的动物

那些可以自由做喜欢的东西与自己的人们……

 

结论：

我与成熟的距离，还有很远。

我与做自己的距离，也很远。

我也其实只有21岁。而以。

A friendship

Forgive me not to post in this blog for a while ( I know for a long while)
But today back to blogging, this, is dedicated to a friend. A long lost friend.

I cant agree more with you. We were once so close. So damn close but WERE, is a past tense.
Sadly you do not even realized what had happened.
Heart broken.
Trust broken.
So do our true friendship.

We cant denial.
We can never get back.
We cant denial.
Broken heart could not stick back as well.
Until you realized it,
until you finally get regret on what you did...
Everything is just too late.
TOO LATE.

I have never been so hurt and disappointed for a friend.
When the more heart you give, the more hurt you will get.
But still, I was non-stop trying again and again, trying to get a hear back.
Of course I am saying friendship here.

And here the heart is given and it's broken and so do our friendship, too.
I was not saying who is right or wrong in this.
Everyone got their views.
Maybe you were not wrong at all, in your point of view.
For me, it's just like that.

We can still be friend.
I guess we should.
Perhaps just keep some distance. :)

Officially 3rd Year

It’s been a busy week since the new semester started…Many assignments ahead during this short semester and most importantly feeling stress for thesis 1 even just a registration process…I have to make a very careful and precise decision so I did not make myself in a wrong turn and regret that I could not get out from there. And I hope I did. Made a correct decision.

Life is just too much to get on and until the more I gain, the more I feel lost. And sometimes I think it will be worth for it as this is all my choice. I don’t like to doubt my own judgment and decision. Because once I have made it, I must be sure that I can do it and I will do my best. This is simply me.

And lucky to say, I passed my exam last semester. Considered lucky as I do not put so much hope on it and most of my friends not as lucky as me. I did not passed with flying colors but really with bad grades. Still, I appreciated whatever I got and will try my best to put on more efforts on whatever I do for coming semesters and this last challenging year!

One more thing to update, going to move during end of June, again. The third times that I making move for this 3 years living at KL. Said I don’t like to move my house which bring so much trouble to myself and my friends. But still forced to. Will have my new life soon. Hopefully with my beloved. Am really awaiting for it. ♥

It’s not the right time to groan

This semester grades were screwed up.
By my own.
Was thinking to cut down my events and everything.
Still, I was not able to improve my grades.
And become worst and worsen for this semester.
I promised myself at the very beginning of the semester, “Work hard, play hard”, but at the end, I was played even harder than I was thought but work seem low progressed and I was not motivated to study or do my assignments at all.

If I were able to make into Year 3, I am blessed.
Blessed and at the same time,
I will try to do my best for this last year of my degree.
I hope I wont screwed this up again.
Trying to balance everything in my life,
and I , will accept this life-challenge ever.

Think positive and pray hard.

如果我保持沉默

如果当初我保持沉默
我们就不会在一起
如果当初我保持沉默
我们就不会拥有彼此
如果当初我保持沉默
我们就不会像现在这样
我不曾后悔过
当初 做出的决定
换回来的甜蜜
幸福的包袱
让我们一起去扛

幸福的形状，是如此的简单。

Long Lost Love

It’s been a long time I lived through this life.
And I never been thought of I can found someone like you.
Someone that I so care about.
Like Rose could never know she can meet someone like Jack at Titanic,
that she can fell so much into him and the love is so long lasting.
And finally I found you.
Hold me tight and I will hold to yours, too.
“When I first meet you, I never thought that you are so important to me…”
And that now I know it, I will never let you go.

Lost of passion

Felt so down when I saw those marks.
I do not even know what I had done for this semester.
As every semester I told myself, must study hard, fight, and do better.
But see what result that I get at the end...
Whatever comes out had become worst.
I hate the one I am now.
Lose my passion on study and learning.

Might this be the last chance for myself....
Fight for final. Do my best. No regrets. :)

坚强它迷了路

今晚凌乱的思绪 复杂的心情
又把自己带到来了这里
所谓的复杂
是因为最近自己的遭遇
养了接近10年的狗狗，那么突然的离开
除了惋惜，欲是不舍。
我知道自己不是一个很好的狗主人，
我只希望它下一辈子能够有更好的生活，
在另外一个我看不到你的世界，
好好的……

最近的自己
很眼浅
很懦弱
遇到一些不开心的事就很容易掉眼泪
我很希望找回那个坚强的自己……

If I were a sunny doll

It’s been a while and I found it’s really hard for me to put something down easily. Especially something that had influence my mood. Mood swinging around and I become lost control, for sometimes, but recently, quite frequent.

Sometimes I just confuse about life. To please others or to please myself? Yes. Many said, of course we must live to please ourselves! Just be yourself. In fact, did you? or… can you? Can you live selfishly just to please yourself without caring for others? Frankly, life is not just about you. It’s always about you…and others. Of course we could not please everyone in life. For sometimes, we failed. We failed to please some and we might feel tired to please others in life, at certain point of time. Contradiction comes in play. At first we think, why we want to please others always when we are not feeling to or forced to? But we do actually care what may happened to others, because we just care-on-the-person-that-we-care-about. Just because we care, it may hurt, when comes to disappointment or we failed to please them. Not trying to evoke any sad or emotional post for today, it’s just a piece of thought from me today.

 

Icantpleaseeveryonejustlikethesesunnydollsdid.

But I will try my best to make you smile

很情绪化的一天

很不喜欢今天
那样的自己
完全不受控制
平常很理智的自己
去了哪里？
可能是不够睡
玩得太疯
还是我太久没有那样的情绪了？

我不知道
说到底
我错了
我从来对自己的做错的事 都敢做敢认
这一次我受惊了
一大早不够睡已经很恨闹情绪了
然后被骂了
我才反省
对与错 我无法认知
对于这些事 一向都是很主观的
但是别人认为我错了 我就有质疑自己的理由
可能我真的玩大了
一声对不起也好像发不起作用了
也是我第一次感到如此的难过
因为我不会表达自己
我只会说对不起但我不会哄人
我更不会伪装不知道或猜测别人需要什么
我是个直肠直肚的人 有什么不爽可以直接跟我说
只要不过分 我什么都可以做
只要你是我在乎的朋友

我很讨厌那样在乎朋友的自己
可以为了一件事不开心了整天
庆幸的是我又更加肯定了关心自己的人
很感谢很感谢那些特地来慰问的朋友
陪在我身边辅导我的朋友
不在我身边但依然很关心我的朋友
今天那些眼泪 除了为伤心而流 也是感动而流的

我想对那些了解我的人说
你们是我剩余最信任的人了……
因为你们的关心、你们的支持
让我觉得很温暖
而那份余温会存在着心里 很久 很久……

Great weekend

It’s a concert year? I’ve been watching two concert in two months. Lucky me. One with plan, one without plan. And both concert are same AWESOME~! I cant really compare Avril with Leehom because one rock star one pop star. They have their ways in attracting their fans to stand on their fence. And I’m stand on my own fence. It’s been a relaxing week without assignment due dates or exam. But people said it’s always quiet and looks calm before the rain storm comes. I do believe that. Because I will be damn busy two weeks later until the end of this semester. And I will be going to Year 3. O.M.G, I cant believe that! And yes I am old >.<

Let’s have a look on the photo. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Saturday night: Leehom’s concert

Thank you my friend stephy woo called me out many times when I was sleeping and get me this free ticket XD

Sunday: Sungai Congkak one day trip.

With awesome people.

Happy and lovely weekend 

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其实可以没有理由没有题目

那一时的想法 仅仅是想法
毕竟那一刻过去后 理智不断的侵袭
我还是 选择了沉默
我可以很冲动 也可以很理智
就在那一刹那 如果那想法没有变成行动
那么它永远都只会是个想法

I’m back. Recently, seems lots of thoughts in my head and I wanted to share it out here. Midnight thoughts always bring me here, to blog. But I did not write much because I felt sleepy at the same time. Oh ya recent activities rather than writing blog, I love reading others’ blog. Knowing somebody’s thoughts through blog is always what I always do.

And currently addicted to this game on my android. <Move the box>. A brilliant game that needs quite lots of thought and let you really think “out of the box”. I love the time where I can stuck at one level for a whole day but can think of a way solve the level after I wake up. AMAZING & EXCITING.

And say I will never know what gonna happen to my tomorrow,
so I will it just live for today.

习惯

不知道那一种不曾有的、不习惯的，会不会变成一种习惯。
我只知道自己想那么的做。
至少有人关心至于，有依靠也可以被人依靠。
那种互相依赖的感觉，是不曾有的。
其实也说不上依赖，精神上的一种寄托，互相鼓励，对我来说蛮重要。
那看似情人但却比情人更加密切得像家人。
我不知该如何的表达。
我没有人人说的Monday blue因为这个sem只有Tuesday blue。
星期二仿佛才是一个星期的开始。
今天过得有点奢侈。
明天要把时间追回来。

啊对了，谈到习不习惯的问题。
有时候你说你习惯了但却不喜欢，就是说你不安于现状，然后你逼自己习惯就代表你欺骗自己？
我倒觉得是看你自己如何去看待‘习惯’的定义。
有时候不喜欢的东西，便成了习惯，
尽管你多么的不喜欢，你还是必需得接受。
对我来说，习惯=接受吧。或者，习惯=看开。
我不觉得有些东西非要把它看得很negative然后弄到自己很不开心很emo。那对生活没什么帮助。
凡是看开，保持positive，生活多些正能量也能帮助自己身心保持开朗。
我刚在朋友emo的post comment了，我不喜欢那一时的沮丧侵蚀一个朋友幼小的心灵。

我写到：“不要一直以为自己很渺小。尽管有时候做东西力不从心，因为其实很多时候我们的能力就真的有限。谁都不是谁的观众，或是谁都是谁的观众，因为每个人都有属于自己的舞台。可能你在舞台上跌倒了，但是这还是你的舞台。没有人能够取而代之。”

舞台是你自己的，要如何去发挥，如何去把你人生的这部舞台剧给演好，完全是靠你自己了……

除了缘分 我还能说些什么？

宛如一种无法言喻的缘分
在短短的几个星期
迅速的关系
很开心 与你们的日子 总是很欢乐 过得很快
朋友问：为什么你们突然间熟了起来？
我不懂。只知道和你们疯的日子，很快乐。总是过得很快。
只过了区区的一个月，但仿佛过了半年。
我只能说我喜欢这种简单。
时常一回家就能和三五个朋友出去吃吃玩玩也不错。
虽然朋友成群的聚会久久一次我觉得还不错。
但我真的很喜欢那种归宿感。
一种被人疼的感觉。
就好像吸了大麻一样上瘾。*尽管我没有吸过大麻*
我说尽管我没有情人疼，我还有一班baby们~爱我以及我爱的他们。

Of course don’t jealous old friends. Doesn’t mean that I got such new gang I will forgot those of you.
I swear I will never forget friends that had passed through every single happy and bitter moment in my life.
Friends, are just very important for me and I will do anything that I can for you if I think you are worth to. Love, for friends ♥♥

It’s valentines week and I had a date with Avril@blackstar tour 2012

Sorry that I was being too busy for my own activities and outing ‘ALL the time”  and not free to type anything on blog.

I just felt sometimes, sometimes was not in mood. Sometimes I don’t feel to blog when there are somebody besides me. Sometimes I don’t feel to blog when there are many things ahead waiting for me to do but I don’t managed to finish. And sometimes I am busy to get rest after some kind of events or activities even I am so enjoyed about.

It’s like I was getting used of this.
Loves to keep things short, clean and clear.
I had a happy valentines with my buddies at Kampar. I know it’s a bit crazy and random. But I did enjoyed seriously. At least gave myself a special and not-alone valentines.
I had  a great day with Avril Lavigne at Stadium Merdeka yesterday. It was so awesome and I would not forget how beautiful you are singing on the stage. I’ve went quite a few concert. And this is my first time ever buy the concert ticket myself, so much crazy queue and squeeze in to get nice seat, and this is all for you, Avril ♥

 

Wait for your next return 

要相信，会幸福的。

一个人的自由

休假一个人的生活就是……

看了一场电影 可以大哭一场 然后傻笑

随意的去努力运动一番 出了一身汗 而感到满足

突然看到陈旧的东西 心血来潮的把它清洗一番 焕然一新的感觉很爽

仿佛自己要的自由 就是那么的简单。

结束·开始。

新年，结束了。
在过去的悠长假期，我几乎忙得没时间也没兴致写部落格。
与家人过着平淡的新年，
与朋友过的疯狂的新年，
给自己一个不一样的新年……

这一个新年，我为自己带来的改变——色彩。
希望自己的生活每一天都过得多姿多彩。
有时候，目的是达到了。
但是却在达到目的过后，剧终人散时，会有那么一点的落寞。
就好像放完了烟花，享受了短暂的美好与璀璨之后，才知道其实把钱烧完了之后还不是如此。

在回来之前与朋友疯狂的那一晚，很享受。
在新年结束之前的那一个旅程，很怀念。
最怀念最享受的，莫过于与朋友们畅所欲言的那些晚上。
很有深度的、很有营养的话题。
但终究逃离不了的那些八卦、友情、爱情……
自己的那份坚持，还是秉持着。
但却更深深地了解到自己所坚持的是正确的。
就像朋友说的“宁缺勿滥”，如果不够爱，就不会爱。
如果知道会输，就不会下赌注。
“拥有，就是失去的开始。”——《我可能不会爱你》
也许每一次在我们开始拥有的同时，就是失去的开始。
而自己正正是害怕失去，所以不敢去拥有。
也因为深怕不能拥有，而到头来变成失去，所以选择默默的守候。
人生总是充满了矛盾。但我不会因为这一些矛盾而却步。
继续活在当下吧，坚强的射手！

The first stageplay <Sly Affection>

第一次为舞台剧设计的海报

This, is my first stage play ever.
Not being an actor, but a crew of it, but it’s enough for me to be proud of that. There are too much things that I wanted to tell about this, so I blogged. It would be easier to express here for me rather than Facebook.

Let’s start over with Chinese.

一直以为只是略尽绵力，不想独当一面。我说，就因为朋友，我帮了。就因为是你们，我帮了。而在尽量尽量底下，不知不觉把海报赶了出来……尽量尽量也把其他东西给做了……直到后来才知道，演员们、导演们、以及几位Stage Managers（SM），那么努力的付出……才发觉自己的略尽绵力，的确微不足道。

很荣幸能够更一般这么棒的crew合作……从导演到演员……从SM到其他crew……我都觉得每一位都扮演着重要的角色、有不同的贡献。做了这个舞台剧，与其说成长，不如说我学会了很多东西……关于设计的、宣传的、灯光的……以及最重要的——态度。这一切对我来说都是很重要的知识。

先谢谢那个noob到暴的noob神——Soomei。谢谢你的noobness整天为我们带来不少的欢笑……担任这个职位，真的很不简单。Deal with导演、演员已是不简单的事了，还要应付我们这班挑剔的筹委……辛苦你了……真的如果不是你，我也没有机会接触到这个舞台剧……只因为看不过你的noobness~哈哈哈哈~也谢谢你的耐心……无论对任何人。因为我有时候也会闹情绪，也会发脾气，谢谢你的体谅……不过我也第一次看到发脾气的你。让我认识不一样的你。你的努力大家时看到的！希望你出到国不要再那么的noob了……不是每一次你遗忘了电话都有我们帮你收的……XD

在下来就要谢谢那个健芳妈妈~真的唠叨到像个妈妈那样……如果不是你，我也不会进华文学会，也不会认识舞台剧。虽然很多你在华文学会托付我的的、寄望我的……我都没有做好……因为那时候太多东西要烦了……而自己也没有心在里面……直到精辩结束，舞台剧的开始……一切回到了轨道……可能我们有时候拥有不同的意见，不同的看法……但是那绝对不会破坏一家人的感情……谢谢你的信任，那是个很重要的肯定……

到我认为一直都很低调、很细心、很有耐心的导演——茗刚。这一次总算认真地接触到你……因为之前都是从bryant、yonghao他们说你……然后看过你几次的演出，都觉得你很厉害……我本身最佩服及尊敬那些对艺术很有热忱、肯为艺术牺牲的人！你是其中一个……记得那张海报修了又改都有几十次……你还是很有耐心的告诉我那里需要改进……你很注重细节……视一切细微的东西都很重要……这让我觉得自己觉得要反省……因为自己在细节方面很差，有时候甚至会敷衍……但是在你身上，我学会了注意一些细微的东西……还有，原来在演员看似严肃的导演，在私底下原来可以那么的疯……他们说你是他们的导师……但你教他们的又何止演技……还有生活的态度。

还有一班副导——疯狂的Bernice，傻婆auntie LeySer，Hiao公 Chee Hong,很努力到病倒的编剧翠兰姐 Suki，很辛苦工作后还要来排练编剧Jessica，PuiFun……有你们才有那么好的based~当然少不了那班训练了接近半年的演员们……一直被折磨但很敬业的翘琳、快要演到精神分裂的kenlee誌享、很man但演到出神入化的娘娘腔kokhuat、很努力演好败家子的tecky、醉得很像的joycelyn、很流氓的CD~我都觉得你们在舞台上的第一次都很棒！

还有还有我们这班幕后功臣啦……灯光排档‘叉烧’仟好，和你合作是挺好玩的说、移动画的鬼魂也身兼几职的‘番薯’Charmane、制作及负责很多props还有身兼‘Maria’的大脸惠双、移动机关及作很多美术劳工兼整天吵来吵去的Shuli & Meishen、我很妒嫉在control room能看完全场的‘C’ Berry aka ‘control music punya berry’、每天发梦但还好当天醒来&身兼多职的CD、准备很多好食物的财政兼板后的白脸鬼魂鸣松、负责复杂的英文翻译subtitle的Hazel、还有前台blurblur但也蛮帮得忙的沚霖……真的是一个都不能少……！

三天……每天要破百的华文舞台剧……是在HELP的第一次……这个历史……我们共同的创了……无论有没有下一次……我都希望大家都能通过这个舞台剧认识彼此……珍惜这难得的缘分……

上报了……

第二天的拥挤场面……

朋友前来捧场

Crew and friends~!

Awesome Cast and Crew~!!

我很忙

每天把自己搞到很累再把身躯抛向床的感觉,生命很实在。很想把这份紧张与喜悦分享,因为这一切都来的不易。

剧组加油 :)

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Past few weeks back to 2011

Was disappeared on blog for quite a long time due to some activities and events that had planned during my finals. Immediately after my finals,

• I had my crazy night at Mist club for my friend’s birthday
• Another day, I taking a long journey bus for vacation at Cameron Highland with two of my secondary besties.
• And I went back KL after 3 days relaxing Christmas vacation in cold whether, then from KL, I go to Junjong, Kedah with my COS family.
• From Kedah, I spent half day with my friends and makan at Penang.
• But finally, I ought to back to Ipoh before 2012 and countdown with my old school friends.

Travelled a lot and I am so tired~! Seem a busy and packed holiday for me this sembreak. Anyway, it is kind of sad that I can blog here because I had back KL. There will be a stageplay coming next week.

Below are the photo that had taken during all the events and activities.

• Attended an international debate as one of the committee
• Went for a very ‘red and hot’ concert
• Attended my eldest brother’s wedding
• Spend my Christmas at Cameron Highland
• Countdown with my friends at Ipoh
  

Feel to talk about 2011 even now already 3rd Jan 2012. Sorry I am still not getting used to it.
For the past 2011, I had did a lot of crazy did, mostly crazy, now I realized.

About earning money
1. I never think of being in a direct sales. I do hate it at last, I found out. I am not really a business kind of person and yes I am a stupid when comes to money. But I still thinking I am lucky because I still got my lovely friends and family being there to support me.
2. In 2011, I worked out a lot on finding ways to earn money, sometimes, in a way that I did not like. I hate myself that cant stay in something for a longer period. I am a hot tempered person when comes to things that I did not enjoy.
3. At last, I still earning money in a stupid way, but I enjoyed it.

About friends
1. I found out some people are just that important but sometimes it’s just okay to live like that without them, anyone. It’s okay for me to be alone sometimes, but I still need friends.
2. I get to used to find alternative ways to make myself happy when I felt sad and disappointed about friends.
3. I realized I can treat a true friend very nice, but he or she must be nice to me first. I like reciprocal relationship.
4. At last, I realized even sometimes I can put a heart to a friend but he or she not necessary did. Never mind, I will know it.

About family
1. Still, the most important element in my life.
2. I felt hurt when someone in the family trying to lie or hide something behind you, even it’s for my own good.
3. I felt hurt and disappointed when someone you really admire and respect did something to hurt the family.
4. Even how much I trying to hate you and can never forgive what you did, I still love you because you are my dearest family.

About life
1. I had think more about meaning in life. Someone I admired said,” there are always something meaningless in life, but we still need to live through it.” So, just live through it.
2. I’m still a very optimistic person because I can ignore anything that is bad to me. I can say ‘never mind’, because for me, I just need to get through my life in that way.
3. I cant say I know everything about life, but I do understand what kind of life I wanted to have.

That’s all I can blog about for today and talk about my new year resolution tomorrow.