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11.12.11

信任

我说过:“我自问很尽心尽力去做生命中任何一件事情,对于人生的认真,绝对不敷衍妥协。”

我也在fb发文说:“我一直都在努力做好我自己。我不想一直说自己到底做了什么事、多少事……
少说话,多做事。一直都秉持这句话去做事。今天的我是不负责任,今天的我是没有能力,今天的我是没有信心’的话‘,我想说,我不会接下这一切,也不会默默地、傻傻的为这一切付出……”

我很讨厌被人质疑……因为对于我有信心、我有能力的事,我很在意。
很在意被人眼里的自己,说自己没有付出努力,说自己没有做东西。
如果今天我在这个位子,我没有做过任何事,我没有尽过任何责任,我可以站在那里原地不动的被你责骂。但是我自问自己付出得不少,我自问自己不曾敷衍过自己的人生,更别说你的人生,现在你责问我、说我好像没有尽一百分的努力?我知道自己不比你努力的多,因为我不在你的位置。我知道自己不比你看重这场比赛,因为大家理念不一样。但是我拥有的热忱不比你少,我付出的我也不想多说。

信任对我来说很重要。无论做什么事都好。一个team,一件事情,一段感情,一段友情。缺乏了信任,我觉得做什么,都不重要了。俗语说:“用人勿疑,疑人勿用。”你不相信我,就不要用我。不要合作。我并没有什么损失。你也不用再辛苦用你的眼光、用你的秤去量我做了多少东西。大家不合则散,好来好去。

朋友说:“不必为了这些小事烦恼……”
会的,今天以后睡醒,把精神集中在考试……
加油 Smile

*此文只是纯发泄,同意与否纯粹个人观点,不供作讨论。

10.5.11

Disappointment

It just happened. I mean I never expected it to be happened. At least not involved people that I love. But it just happened like this and sadly I cant really accept it. As part of it. I am so disappointed with you. Even I had proud of you before. Even I was so happy to have you before. It was and now no more. You have no image at all and hardly to gain respect from me anymore. I cant say ever, to hate you, you are not deserved it for me to even care of. Because you did not treat me like what I was treating you. You are letting me down. And it was fine for me. I was disappointed and angry as you are letting the one that I love down too. YOU ARE DESPERATELY NOT DESERVED IT~!The care, and love from her, BECAUSE YOU NEVER APPRECIATE IT! You never aware that there are so much things you own now and you think it’s all come from you efforts ONLY.  Fuck you if you think like that. You sucked up as a grown up. You fucked up as a human. You screwed your own life.

Things are just out of control. Maybe this can be your excuse. But it never work for me because I believe if you have mind and think like a human being, it all would not happened. Everyone was thinking why you turn out to be that?Why I have such a 'you’ like that? I really don’t know how to face you at all. If I have a chance to meet you next time. Should I talk to you? Blame you? Scold you? Or slap you? No. I think I would not do anything. Because you will just losing everything including my care for you. Everything is useless as everything you are doing now is hurting everyone that close to you. We are speechless. Nothing to say about anymore since you are so “CLEVER” like can solve everything yourselves, you said like very simple. AND I WILL SEE HOW YOU DO IT AND SOLVE IT.

I knew I still cant let it down easily since I care of you so much. And you will never know it. You are just so selfish and live in your own beautiful world. Make sure once you get in, and never come out, so you will never regret for what you are doing. Or else, please get out NOW~!

*sigh-ing* Please forgive me to do that again since someone told me it was bad. I just think that beside sighing I don’t know what else I could do. At least it can clam down myself. I think I will accept it one day. Since the one love you so much could accept it and still love you. She is just so amazing but you will never realize how precious it is. Because you have lost. Lost in some wonderland. Only you yourselves can rescue yourselves out there.

很久没有试过那么认真,真正去对待一件事。你成功了。把平静的一切搞得翻云覆雨。你可以不爱惜你自己。不爱惜别人。不把人和事当一回事。玩世不恭。当时你亏待了对你好的人。爱你的人。虽然你不值得。有一些是不变的事实。我必须接受,无论那是多么的荒谬无耻不人道。我不能阻止你做的一切。只想一心一意做好自己,不让你伤害我爱的人,尽管你不懂得如何去爱人。

有些事是需要自己去领悟的。

从没想过那些电视剧情节会发生在自己身上。原来当你很不开心时,偏偏那些曾有过的美好且快乐的回忆真的会一幕幕的浮现。

又是一个控制不了思绪的一个晚上。很累。

尽管一滴雨都没有下犹如干旱,今晚的心情却是如此晴天霹雳 Storm cloud

30.4.11

Fed up

Again, there is no one I can turn to for this late night, so here I am. To throw something on this site. Suppose to be a happy,enjoyable day since have gone out with long-time-no-see friends…But received lots of bad news about cancel for this and that made my plans gone. Alright, it is not only one of it,but most. I would say is it a cancellation day? I am screwed up! Can you imagine the feeling when you see bad news by bad news as you reading the emails? You wouldn’t want to feel it because it is just feel bad,so bad~ Like all your planning gone…and you don’t know what to do next to plan it again. Mind left blank. I do not hate for the cancellation but please don’t do it in the last minute. I could even forgive about the cancellation due to valid reason, but why should it happened for all plans at the same time? Sigh. For nothing. Nothing I got. Feel unhappy but what should I do? Shouldn’t blame on anyone because they have their own reason too. Should blame on myself because I should have backup plan for everything else? There are lots of alternatives. Or I could even just stay alone for everything and just enjoy my holiday at hometown. Like I messed up the thing myself.

Should have understand what is out of expectation. Should have understand planning always screw up because of changes. Should know that no point to angry or feel disappointment about everything, especially something that no one want it to happen. I try to understand. Please just let me voice out my unhappiness here. Just need to clam down myself in this weird way. Perhaps it just make me feel better.

A long~~~~~SIGH~~~~~~~

Take a deep breath……

That’s it. Still gonna back my hometown tomorrow. I AM FINE. =)

4.4.11

There were something inside,where we just always keep in the heart.

I have end up with no one to turn to, and here I come to blog.

Fed up with life recently as many of my electronic devises were all spoiled at the same time. Yes. AT THE SAME TIME! Which cost me lots of time, energy and the most important thing—MONEY to solve all these problem. I would say I will need to pay some responsibilities on it since these things were all mine. But please don’t blame me, like I wanted this things to be broken. BLAME SOLELY ON ME. IT IS UNFAIR! I was the person who own all these things, I was the person who hurt the most when all these bad things happen to me, I was the person who deserve a little bit of care when all the bad things happened to me.

But who knows? The feeling always hiding behind. And there is no one can look at it. Perhaps I am the one who hiding it. I would say it is all my bad. There is no perfection in life if you realize.

只是想发泄一下那样的心情。觉得叹几十次气也不够,内心不会好过一点,还是觉得很辛苦。沮丧,倒霉,无助,似乎都一瞬间出现在眼前。是有点不解,为什么就是要同时间,就好像所有不愉快的事接二连三地发生。也没有到很难过,或很大件事,毕竟是钱的问题,需要一点时间就能解决。失望的是没有人曾理解或体会自己的感受。就好像在写这这篇文章。我的意义是发泄,看的人的意义却有很多种。


Above paragraphs were what I wrote few days ago when I was so down. See, this is what a mad person can write, how the negative things go about and influence the thinking of a person. But I am still a rational person which I have think not to post it out immediately after I wrote it. I JUST DON’T WANT THINGS TO BE SO BIG THAT INFLUENCE MYSELF, OR MORE, INFLUENCE THE OTHERS. I don’t think it was a good idea that to write something that is unhappy, which will make the people think you were  are a negative person.  But yes finally I posted it out indeed. With strikethrough on it, means I just want to express this feeling out but you can ignore it, if it bother you, or your feeling.

Like what I wanted to emphasize in my title, "There were always something inside, but we just always keep in our heart”. Don’t you agree with it? Since so many bloggers now, having an open blog, don’t you agree what we want to express out or post out, was chasing or demanding some agreement for our life opinion? If there were something hidden inside, means there was no need agreement, likewise, I don’t need any agreement for above paragraph. Perhaps I need some feedback about the title itself, the statement.

In fact, we are always demanding and searching agreement in life. Certain kind of conformity instead, we are looking for. What was it? Ask yourself. Mine one was a clear cut. Tell you my opinion, my way to live my life, whether you accept or not, I will too accept yours too, but please respect me first, then we stay in peace and live happily forever after.

How about something we did not express it out? Or talks about? We did not need any agreement on it? At all? Yes, I would say in a certain extend. We sometimes do need some space or what the society called “PRIVACY” in life. The “PRIVACY” thing, no need any agreement or opinion, we just live with it, knowing or not knowing, Best maybe REMAIN-ed UNKNOWN, or what I called it “MYSTERY” was quite interesting to play around too. But tell you something VERY INTERESTING, there were many time, we wanted people to know it, but not directly telling or knowing from our mouth, we just want people to realize themselves, like everyone need to be ‘your worm in your intestines’ (direct translation from Cantonese please), but please, we are not a ‘worm’ truly, we are just normal human being. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS STATEMENT, I ACTUALLY CAN GET A LOT OF AGREEMENT.

But I do wanted to find someone which is cleaver enough, at least know to read my facial expression. What I mean, in life, we can never get what other people wanted from us, but we should know what we want, and put it into action to make it. If you understand what you want, you stated it, you say whatever loud to the world, it is still useless, as you never put it into action and make a change. This is what I wanted from people, be cleaver, make something to change for yourself, but not for me. Choices is always in your hand, if you wanted to make a change.

Note: I was not demand any agreement or comment for this post. Perhaps a ‘like’ can motivate me to write more about something like this~Long and bored. =P

28.10.10

It such a day, can be complicated

Got back my email address or msn finally...
What the heck of the hacker using my account for whatever purposes
I was totally not interesting...
I just knew that all my contacts are lost
and I need to add back one by one....
Fuck off~!
Not really know what's shit or dump inside their brain
to have such a suck idea
to steal people's account password and delete the contacts inside...
What's the purpose huh?!
For fun? Or they just an idiot who likes to play on such stupid and useless and lame things?
Damn it all and it never ever going to influence my day~!

I dont really care it as it's such a small matter lar...
At least my email is still there which connect me to many other websites and links.....
That's enough....
It not BIG enough to ruin my day....
But I was really pissed off and frustrated when I need to add back the lost contacts...
@.@  X.X  ?.?
or watever it is....

------------------------------------------
That's about my mood in the afternoon lately...
Of course that emotion did not bring until late night...
Stay calm and review a lot things suddenly....
About family and friends...
I bet the feeling of missing home is appeared...
Whenever I have this thought....
"I wanna back home~"
The feeling is even stronger when I nearly have a chance to get back home...
Like nothing or no one gonna stop me from that...
Yes I just miss home
mum,bobo,lovely sofa and bed...

or maybe friends there...
They are just so caring and make me feel warm...
Leeyee,keanchew,winnie...
or whoever I didnt mentioned his or her name...
But will at least see-ing this post...
Really...
thanks...

As u saw this....
Maybe u are not care about me
Or u jus SIMPLY click into my website
and SIMPLY glance through my words...
U can just ignore this and SIMPLY put a "nice" or "like" on this post
without comment because u dont want me to know who u are...
That's fine and okay for me

"Life is just like a box of chocolate,
you will never know what's it taste next" by forest gum
=)

2.2.10

Sad and Pain

My eyes is pain and swallow start from yesterday.....
It's terrible and horrible to say that....
I'm really really hate it so much!!!!
It's pain and swallow until I cant really open my eyes.....
The most bad experience that I have here....
And the doctor here is really "geng"....
I dunno he is a "pro" or not...
just use the torch light and look into my eyes....
then said what allegic and infected....
And give me some antibotics and allergic medicine....
It's costs me RM40!!!!
WTH????

*********************************************
Thanks for my dear friends who always care about me....
and specially thanks for my 4 housemates....
the tiny cares of you all makes me feel better though my condition is sucked....

Hope that it will recover very very very soon as tmr!!!!!

Cant stand for it anymore!!!!

7.10.09

experience of bad luck and wanna die....

Why I'm so bad luck recently a?
All electronic stuffs seem ''beh song'' with me already...
first my hardisc cannot openned and took repaired for 2 months...
Last saturday only took back
and it is a brand new one which all my old data had gone....sad....
Another problem is my lappy keep on blinking
and I don dare take it repair
as I cant live without laptop....
whenever the assignments disaster coming...I die die oso wan a laptop to do it>.<
Until today...
It might cant tahan me jo....
don let me go into the interface and having a conversation with it edi...T.T
MY WINDOW IS TOTALLY CORRUPTED!!!!

I don know what I can do....
Alvis trying to help me but I don think he can solve it though...
Pity me only using my housemate's laptop to online....
hopes can tahan a bit...
I will bring it to repair la....
Very very bad in mood now...
The very first time I live without my laptop....
I wanna die.....

Maybe like my brother said...
I was in bad luck....
especially in using those electronic stuffs....
I always cant stayed with it for a longer time...
I got so 'geng' meh?
got any special components in me that make the electronic things broke?>.<

waste of time here...
another day for my panda eyes.....
with a gloomy mood...

2.1.09

残酷的真相

来到了新一年的第二天……
今天家里又有聚会了……
连自己都不知会有约这么多人的聚会……
因为我打算约阿焦、阿浩、阿筠、kok……
几个人回来‘开抬’而已……
没想到阿焦帮我搞大了……
发了个forward msg出去……
约了比我想象中多的人来……
还好……
最后有很多都放飞机了……[我班朋友的嗜好~]
剩下丽宜、阿筠、lowB妹、阿浩、关公、kok、阿焦来而已……[都几多下的~]
========================================================
在他们没来之前……
我看了一下别人的blog……
看完了丝淇的blog……
回想到自己在2008年的确是过得那么的精彩……
每一个活动都少不了我的身影、我的笑声……
只要能出席的我都会出席……
因为我都不想错过与朋友在一起的日子……
渐渐的自己也成为了‘聚会的聚集人’……
我总觉得自己有责任叫朋友出去玩……
既然叫得这一个,一定也会叫多另一个……[朋友难做啊~]
结果一叫就叫完全部人去……
所以我办的聚会都是一大堆人的……[多到吓死你~]
这又是也是我失败的地方……
有时叫太多人……
会出现很多问题……
有时还蛮厌倦的……
但大家都好像习惯了……
每次都要有个人去聚集他们……[那个人是谁应该知道了吧~]
===============================================
算了……
我还enjoy跟他们在一起的……
说回主题……
在他们来了之后……
我收到了一个以前很想知道,但宁愿不知道的消息……[就是这么矛盾~]
我真的有很失望……
作为朋友……
我真的不知道该说些什么……
我也不想写出来……
毕竟这么不堪的回忆一点都不值得纪念……

只想宣泄我的不忿……
我实在不知道他为什么要这么做……
很无奈……
很失望……
很傻……
我无法接受……
但必须接受……

无言…………………………………………………………

25.12.08

悲伤圣诞

对不起……
我实在高兴不来……
这个原本应该开心的圣诞节……
不应该为其他事而烦,甚至流泪……
但是我真的不能原谅我自己……

就在我们开开心心的开着BBQ派对……
开心的玩着笑着的时候……
发生了一件很不开心的事……
佩仪的电话不见了……
我们先先以为不知道摆到哪里而已或者有人玩玩罢了……
可是大家找完了整间屋子……
都找不到……

我们还怀疑我那个有问题的舅舅偷了……
但是始终查不个头绪……
看着佩仪哭了……
我真的不知道能做些什么……
我真的很内疚……
除了对不起,我不知道还能说些什么了……

我从没面对过这样的问题……
发生在别人身上,但发生在我的家里……
除了愧疚还是愧疚……
我这个屋主,真的做得很失败……

这个平安夜一点都不平安……
快乐的圣诞节都不快乐……
一辈子的愧疚感……
我不能原谅我自己……

30.11.08

还是很累……[有点不爽~]

今天一大早就被妈妈吵醒说要去吃早餐……
我当然累倒不行啦……
玩到“周身骨痛”……
但是如果我不去的话又被妈妈说跟朋友出去就早早起,跟他们出就不想起来……
结果还是眼睏睏的起床了……
跟他们吃了东西,还要到出去买东西……
我真的累倒了……

回到家已是11点多……
上了一下网,跑去check了一下NS能不能申请到第一批……
终于打到电话,但是那个语气不是很好的马来人跟我说第一批已经full了……
要申请第二批要写信去……但是还不确定能不能换……
好了,盖了电话……
万分的不爽……[不知道是不爽那个马来人的serving,还是什么……]
当然是很不开心下的……
很压抑……很辛苦……
困了自己在房间……

算了……
我还是想通了……
申请不到就算咯……
大不了死都不去……
读完书再说……
p/s:我很想去的,可是我真的不想耽误我读书的时间……死人@#%@#$%^@!

顶不顺,还是去睡觉了……
也不知道为什么,睡得不是很好……
没三个钟就醒了……
吃了午餐,看看戏……
就要准备冲凉,吃晚餐,然后送哥哥去搭车了……
他要回新家玻了……
有点不舍得……因为他每次回来都会弄得我和妈妈很开心……
当然我生日那天他刚好回来,让我过了一个很多笑声的生日……
真的要谢谢他……

下个礼拜好像都还没有节目……
子欢问我要不要去行山,我没回复她……
大家都很累……还没有心情谈这些吧……
让大家觉得休息得差不多再玩吧……

4.10.08

火滚!connection sot 到鬼!

几天了!connection一直有问题!
死命disconnect!
它又不是connect不到wor~
是一直断线!都不知道搞什么鬼!!!
真的很gek心咯~!
最重要的是上不到MSN和朋友吹水!
连朋友想send前几天拍的照给我也receive不到!
真的是气到!!!
很久没么怒过了!
明知道这几天放假,想在家做网虫的~~
但是一上网就出问题!
一直要我connect回它!
上一个网站就要refresh又refresh!
很不爽啊!
打电话、send complain email……
什么也做过了!就是没回应!
到底是什么问题啊?![死也要个理由吧?不明不白的connect不到~我不服!]
总之,我不理啊!!!
我发誓一定要call到你们帮我搞定它!!!

11.8.08

中头奖都没有这么准!!![WAT?我中了NS!]

[Tahniah, anda telah terpilih untuk mengikuti Program Latihan Khidmat Negara Siri 6/2009.
NAMA : WONG PUI YENG
NO KP : 911126085220
NEGERI : PERAK ]



当我看到我的名字出现在电脑前面时,我第一个反应就是“啊~~~”(尖叫了好几声),有没有搞错???!!!原本抱着好玩、没什么的心情进去PLKN的网站看看的……然后就看到那个contoh有出到91年喔,就打下自己的IC no.看看咯~结果……就出现以上那几行字了……唉~~~好不想中……就中了……还得接受……


我发疯似的,马上call我的死党,到处把消息散播出去。[NS出了!大家快点去check!]发了几十个信息后不够五分钟,电话就不停的响--------[是不是真的啊?出了啦?什么?!没骗我吧?!]一各接一个的信息与电话不停的打来问我……无奈……我就一个一个的告诉他们:[真的啦!骗你做咩?我中jo啦~ T.T]我也帮他们一个一个check了,他们都没事,只有3个朋友也和我一样中了!


他们各自的反应是:[第一个:“哈哈~我中了~好高兴!”]---我:“=.=......无言...” [第二个:“我中了啊?点样?哦~ok lo~]---我:“我也中了,能怎样?唉~”[第三个:“怎样?我真的中了啊?我不要啊!cry~~死定啦!!]---我:“你要死啊?一起吧~我也不想中~]



再打给妈妈、哥哥~他们都安慰我说不要紧啦~虽然很不想你中,可是中了就当作是一个经验咯……对~每一个人都将告诉我……叫我看开点……[我又不是想不开!@.@]我只是不爽而已!不爽要我离开家那么久!不爽要我考完试就要去受刑!不爽要我没有了跟朋友玩的美好假期!不爽我中了还写什么Tahniah???!不爽!我就是不爽!!



我今天的好心情,完全都因为这件事儿没有了……



明天还有learning to score要考……没心情……是不开心……可是我又能做些什么呢?只愿如他们所说的会开心,好玩就足够了……而且还是要读书啊……加油吧!