是否有过那样的念头？想着 平凡的过着简单的生活就行了
单纯的 做着自己想要做的东西 就可以了
但 事实是 要简单 要单纯回到自己最初的想法前
总要经过一段很复杂 很崎岖 的过程与路途
没有人想着做自己不想要做的事
没有人想要一些不好的事情发生在自己身上
但是 事实有时就是如此的残酷
现在没有反驳的机会 不代表以后没有
现在没有那样的能力 不代表以后没有
有太多的事情要考量了
立场 有时候可能不一
但是如果那么就轻易放弃
那么是不是也应该放弃本身的价值观？
放弃原有设定的目标与梦想？
现在不能去做 没关系
等待不代表放弃
只是在等待着一个时机 去反驳
驳回一切的不公
生活的态度 只是似乎你自己如何去看待
Touch your heart and ask yourself, is this the attitude you want for your life?
Busy till I don’t even have time to really think of what had happened for the end of the day. For the time I free, my mind still thinking on '”what else I have not do?” “what else I need to do?” and “what else is still waiting for me to do?” It’s like everyday my mind cant really stop thinking on this aside sleeping. I don’t really have time to take good rest, and too many things to worry and take care of. Things are always gone uncontrolled and overload. But still I need to overcome all this by myself. I do understand sometimes we are just helpless. I mean maybe lack of luck. Maybe we are not putting enough efforts. Or maybe we should do more things to change whatever we want to change. Or maybe just wait, to wait for certain important moment, to be changed.
Many people said I am so busy body. Yes I am. But still I have time to sleep, time to enjoy, and time to do things that I like to do. I just enjoy whatever I do now, it’s just that simple yet hardly to understand. =)
有些是并不是想象中那么差，还在努力的学习着反方向思考 
Just because we experienced different situation, you cant expect me to have same thinking like you too. I want to be success, I want to hit my target, I want to get what I want to get, I want to have my own life too. But the fact is, not everyone is the same. We are same human but with different fate and destiny. We all have brain but just with different thinking, mindset and perception. And this is us. What make us different is we are who we are. Sometimes we still cant get through the reality we are facing or acknowledging now. Yes, we always know and understand. But will we perhaps do something for it to make a change? It’s damn hard I tell you. Because we always need to be good in front of everyone, mind to introduce some psychological terms, we are all human being that always put self presentation at first and also look after our public self awareness. Just because be are so care about what others think about us, we stuck, we stunt, and we just want to protect our self-esteem. Whatever we mind is our SELF.
We could never neglect this is what society have told us. To being selfish, being care for yourselves and look after yourselves first before you have the ability to look for others, and if you happened not able to help yourselves or whoever that you love at the first place, you are just a failure and how could you really help the others?
Perhaps this is just my thoughts and mindset that I must have the ability to protect myself first,then my family and friends, and finally only come to strangers maybe. But of course I was not doing this stage by stage, and there is no stage for me. As what I am doing now, making all these working at the same time. I will just help with my all ability that I have. But to maintain all things to work, I must protect my SELF regardless of anything else.
No I have no choice but moving on now. Seeing barriers and overcome barrier by barrier. Solving problem by problem. It’s because I believe “when there’s a will, there’s a way~” It’s always motivate me whenever I get depressed or being passive. I have no reason to give up but continue with my life and this is what I will be going through. Stayed strong =)
I don’t really understand how she had gone through all these. I tried to understand as a daughter. You would not know how these feeling was until you heard your mum said:”I really think of what will happen to this family if I was gone.” How important she was in the family? I cant really answer. Pretty important? Extremely important? I would not say I cant live without her, but I do feel very very bad and damn hurt even she just say that to me and I imagined a world without her for more than few seconds.
And now things turned out badly after the surgery. She might need to do another one. I just felt angry about that, irresponsible doctor, careless, or whatever bullshit hangover effect~!!!! Seeing how strong and tough she still can be, I just don’t know what else can I do as a daughter. I don’t really understand what she felt, even I know how irritated she was, as much as I can feel and experience now, but I just cant do anything to reduce her irritation thoughts and worries. Even I have tears rolling inside my eyes when she talking with me, I still cant let her see my weaknesses and worried, as she might cry alone at night when I was not there too.
Useless huh? I just always the one who have minor contributions in the family and even I am the one knowing the most and studied until the highest level in the family. What bullshit I have studied and cant even help my own family?Sorry if I did disappointed you all, and I am really not that good enough.
Now is a critical period we must gone through together. I know there is nothing much I could do now but at least I have steps for it. Solving problems one by one as usual. Life is full with challenges and barriers right? We just can walk through it with smile =)
*pray that everything is going alright* (I don’t really have faith for anything else aside myself, but when things come to helplessness, we cant not to change our mind and look for some beliefs to lay on.)
One thing that I still feel grateful and thankful that I still have friends that always give useful advises and necessary support for me when I need it. Thanks for everything friends =)
Just read a blog written by a girl from JB and how strong she stayed up and yet fragile to fight against cancer, fight for her life.
I just shared it crazily on Facebook, Twitter, Plurk or even here, every social network that I connect to.
Here is her blog -- http://dancingpapercranes.blogspot.com/
And I think this is what I could do now perhaps, give her mentally support or just doing some simply thing as what a human being should do.
Would you noticed that whenever you shared something with people, a stranger, people will doubt “Is that true?” or “It does not really related to me” “Why should I care for this?” so forth. And they will back to their story on how pity or how fucking life they had. I am not meant to blame or angry about the selfish people as we are all selfish people. I do understand we all are, included me. I was just so useless to talk and share here by doing nothing really can help her directly. I felt ashamed as I am 20 now, sometimes still complaining about life and wanted so much in life. But this girl, what she wanted so much now is just a healthy body. A body that she can do whatever simple things that we normally can do.
Empathy do attack me. Seriously I wanted to help this girl so much but I just found out I cant really do anything by myself. I mean people will say “How many people you could actually help as she is just one of the portion of people who are fighting for cancer? and what you going to do? Like expose her to public? Will she wanted this to happen?” It’s all unknown. And I cant really answer all these questions. Yes we did maybe feel so touched and sad sometimes whenever we saw her post and saw how strong she are and might be emotional sometimes when things getting out of control. Still we cant really help.
But what I would do is reading her blog everyday to keep remind myself how grateful I am that I still can breath everyday when I wake up and still can see things around, listen to whatever noise or sound, making noise or sound myself, smell the fresh air, able to walk to bathroom and brush my teeth everyday in the morning. Would that be sounded not-so-bad at least? That’s the reality and harsh thing that not every people can do it. I was impressed for a 18 years old girl can think like that. Not many could do that as if for me, I will tend to think optimistically but I rather die if I want to suffer so much in life. But she is just so different that she could foresee the reality and able to cope with the reality. I think those experiences taught her a lot, on how to survive at this society, in this complicated world.
I asked myself a question, what would I do if I have one more day in life? I cant really answer this question until when I really experience it and forced to face it. But I do appreciate the time that I have now. Doing things that I think I should do, and things that I like to do, as there is no tomorrow for me. Cheer for this girl—Leonie. I might not a prayer for you but I do hope everything going fine for you and will go and check for your updates often. And I will stay up for life doing my usual stuffs like sharing those stories that can evoke some deep thinking and inspiration in life.
Be grateful, be cheerful 
我不需要为别人交代，只需为自己、家人、朋友和我所关心的人付出真心。
有很多时候都觉得自己好像在做些什么坏事，也其实说不上什么，只是放出一个平台，让大家都同等的机会走上去。
不想说多什么，只想把需要想的，留给你自己去想象。要 与 不要 只是一字相差。只是看你自己要不要去做，要不要的实行自己的计划、与所谓的梦想。
经常在发梦，发了多久的梦，也应该醒来的吧。
没有时间再让自己去发梦了，背负的太多。只是觉得感动，因为那句话：“你还是个学生，还没有那个能力~”
是，或许我不必想太多，安安分分的读好我的书，毕业、工作、有能力给钱你、嫁人。或许这就是你人生的定义。
但是我要的不是这些。我所谓的人生，是很有生命力的。有能力自己承担自己的一切、更有能力去帮助家人、才到社会。只想做自己喜欢做的事，但在这之前，必须付出代价。等价交换的原则，在这现实的社会一直都没有变过
谁不希望生出来就要风得风，要雨得雨？如果我得雨生俱来的一个人，我可以比较简单，活着的意义可能不会那么的沉重，但至少也要有意思。
这份志气，不是遗传，不是基因，只是现实教会了我，有时候在必不得已时，没有什么事其实难得到你。有志者事竟成！=)
