Nothing to be disgraced

I don’t really understand how she had gone through all these. I tried to understand as a daughter. You would not know how these feeling was until you heard your mum said:”I really think of what will happen to this family if I was gone.” How important she was in the family? I cant really answer. Pretty important? Extremely important? I would not say I cant live without her, but I do feel very very bad and damn hurt even she just say that to me and I imagined a world without her for more than few seconds.

And now things turned out badly after the surgery. She might need to do another one. I just felt angry about that, irresponsible doctor, careless, or whatever bullshit hangover effect~!!!! Seeing how strong and tough she still can be, I just don’t know what else can I do as a daughter. I don’t really understand what she felt, even I know how irritated she was, as much as I can feel and experience now, but I just cant do anything to reduce her irritation thoughts and worries. Even I have tears rolling inside my eyes when she talking with me, I still cant let her see my weaknesses and worried, as she might cry alone at night when I was not there too.

Useless huh? I just always the one who have minor contributions in the family and even I am the one knowing the most and studied until the highest level in the family. What bullshit I have studied and cant even help my own family?Sorry if I did disappointed you all, and I am really not that good enough.

Now is a critical period we must gone through together. I know there is nothing much I could do now but at least I have steps for it. Solving problems one by one as usual. Life is full with challenges and barriers right? We just can walk through it with smile =)

*pray that everything is going alright* (I don’t really have faith for anything else aside myself, but when things come to helplessness, we cant not to change our mind and look for some beliefs to lay on.)

One thing that I still feel grateful and thankful that I still have friends that always give useful advises and necessary support for me when I need it. Thanks for everything friends =)