Filial,it’s now. 孝顺，要及时。

这是我们从小到大学的道理，为什么有时候要长大了，体会了，才会懂？

有些人甚至要等到体验了，后悔了，但是却发觉一切已来不及了……

知道自己为了学会，为了别人，为了自己，为了活动，可以有多忙。但却渐渐发觉自己却没有把时间安排给家人。尤其是妈妈打来问我几时的空可以回去陪她看医生，却打开了画满圈圈时间表，我斟酌了许会，才心虚的答道，有考试、有功课、有活动要忙。看看了这一切的东西，才发觉所有事情不是为了自己，就是为了别人的活动。自己到底为了这个家付出了多少？到底曾为了妈妈付出过什么？只是一点点要求，我都做不到，我这个女儿可以丢掉了。

我没有说自己是真的很孝顺。也没有说听父母的话，就是孝顺的人。但是至少我觉得在他们需要我们的时候，身为子女的，是不是应该陪在他们的身边，就算帮不到什么忙，也至少能够给与他们精神上的支持。你甚至可以想象一下就好像我们有难的时候，是不是第一个就会想起他们，是不是很希望他们在我们的身边呢？其实我们都是自私的。只一直希望受到关爱，受到保护，觉得一切都是应分的，他们应该做的。但是他们其实可以停止养育，停止对我们一切的保护，甚至不管我们。想一下我也活到了20岁了。在这19个年里头，如果没有了妈妈，我到底算什么？我真的无法想像。

是她，养活我这个人。是她，教我如何做人。也是她，教会我如何对待人。

如果我还不会想，还那么的自私，我还算是人吗？其实话说得有点严重的。我只是想认真地对待，‘孝顺’这两个字。自我反省或发人深省都好，不但要明白了之中的道理与意思，当然行动还是最实际。所以也突然做出决定要回去一趟，就算再忙、再累都好，付出那么一点点算得了什么。无论如何，决定了要做的事情，还会坚持下去，我相信一切会过去的

There are many things a grown up should do. Perhaps now, for me, filial, is the most important thing for me to do. It does not show our maturity, but I just do what a HUMAN needs to do. =)

遗忘

有多久了没有记录生活的点滴？

有多久了没有细诉自己的每一天的喜怒哀乐？

有多久了没有时间静静坐下来，认真地想一下今天过得如何？

有多久没有好好地想一下，或停下来，问一下自己：“是否该回家了？”

我不需告诉别人，自己的生活过得有多么的精彩，多么的充实。就在办着很多很有意义的活动，忙碌的把快乐带给别人与自己的同时，我遗失了很多与家人相聚的时间。有时候那一些快乐，会让人盲目，有些诱惑，会让人迷途。就像上了瘾一样，不由自主地找寻乐趣，只要觉得开心、好玩，就丧失了理智。其实也不至于丧失那么严重，只是有时候年轻的岁月就是可以很疯狂。因为在别人认为大学生活很烦躁或很纳闷的时候，你可以大大声地对他们说：“大学生活就是疯狂的岁月！青春的痕迹！你就是可以在这段不长不短的时期放胆的放肆、放胆的燃烧、放胆的体验生活！”

总是付出的太多，得到的却觉得永远都不够。人，总是贪婪，只一味的为自己争取更多，却不肯付出多那么一点点。自私，是人的本性。说到大爱，自己真的是远远不及那个阶段。只是觉得有时候，能够付出那么一点点，就算那么微渺，只要抱着诚恳的心，坚持的信念一定能够达成。

是时候好好的从新管理一下自己。时间也好，态度也好，重整观念与想法都好。总觉得好像缺乏了些制度与界限。放肆也需要有限度的。至少定时休息，是我现在最需要的。=)

Sentiment

Things are getting overwhelmed. I have no confidence anymore that I could or able to cope with all these things at once, which I am not good with it. Still feeling down even I have told my friends and get some consultation from them. I am totally screwed up. Just feeling tired at this moment, as there are just too many things are waiting for me to deal with. I know that I could solve it and get it done step by step one day and there are always solutions for every trouble or matters. But we human being just hardly to let go on something that we are holding on it. Because when we know we are holding on it, means we still have it, chances are it’s still belonging to us. But what if, we put it down or let it go? Does it matter a lot? I think it twice. Being happy, is always matter. Just because of that, I had a bad habit on turning down people when I start off on some jobs, and I cant hold it long because I just think that I am not happy with it, no matter how much you paid me. Happiness is always the main concern. Frankly, I cant imagine how I am going to get my permanent job after I graduate, since I am so skeptical and picky in selecting job that I like. I don’t know. Perhaps I would like to give a try. Try as in maybe I have a chance to commit myself in a job, take my responsibilities at least. No matter how, I think I need to get back my motivation in doing all these things. To make my life different and beautiful and excited. If not, like everyone else, waiting for the end of the day, and end up with doing nothing. I just don’t want to be ordinary people like that. Give me a break and I will be back. =)

再难的生活也要笑着过

有时候生活很简单，几句笑话竟然可以笑很久。

可庆幸最近的心情，因为一些玩得很开的朋友，变得开朗。

也因为忙碌，一些不开心的事情，很容易就被盖过去了。

隐隐的忧伤，又有谁知道？

忙碌的城市，有谁愿意停下来，留意身边所发生的琐事？

可喜的是自己很容易快乐，自己很会去寻找快乐。

不喜欢让不愉快的心情缠着自己，不喜欢别人被自己的心情给影响。

让伤心自己担  就算多么的艰难

拿别人来开玩笑 让自己的快乐 建立在别人的痛苦上 是不好

那似乎 人到底能不能承受 玩笑的程度

但是到最后 觉得有点过分了 才慢慢的醒觉

舒美~对不起啦~希望你真的不要生气哦 =)

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今天 是在日本的朱朱 生日噢~

当然要在这更你说声“生日快乐”先啦~

今天没听你发到牢骚 要你听我的 sorry~

当然希望你开心 快乐

无论在哪里 我们还在这里

要什么生日礼物？？先欠着你ok吗？哈哈~你回来再跟我要看我记不记得~

I dunno what else to say since there was no way I can contact u now.Maybe will try to skype with you tmr?

Let’s receive this ‘gift’ first.

“If you're alone, I'll be your shadow.  If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder.  If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow.  If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile.  But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me.” That is what a best friend mean.

Just hope you are doing fine always and I will always here to listen to u =)

Just to u =)

A week just like a year

Don’t misunderstanding this title above. It does not mean that it was a long long week, but just too many things happened at once and looked like over one year already. And yes, many things could be happened in a week. This so called holiday coming to an end since I back KL. There were lots of meetings going on this week and I just back from Bentong,Pahang because of Project C. It was a project under COS. Doing some activities for the primary and secondary students at two different schools. We were happy to see the children are so happy there. I hope they have learned something even the time we were spending there were very short. I myself have learned and experienced many different things too.

I realized EDUCATION really takes a very long period of time in order to success. It is just not a five hours or one day thing. It might influence some of their thoughts. But we really need to take a lot of effort and patient to do all these things. Enthusiasm and passion are needed. I just felt amaze to see there are still teachers that have passion and heart to teach every student, IS EVERY STUDENT,no matter they are good or bad. We have just so small compared to their BIG HEART~If there are lot more teachers like that at every school, I think there will be less students involve in bully case or criminal or whatever social problems. At least they will try to be a good citizen, good son or daughter, or a good student, with appropriate behavior even their academic performance are not good enough.

For friends that joined this project, I just want to thank them for being part of this and take serious of the awareness on education for the children today. If there are more good people who are not selfish and always willing to help others, the world would better. At least I think no matter how busy I am, how tired I am, I have spend my time wisely and meaningfully.

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Next week will be entered year two. Upgrade to become a senior, the feeling is weird as you will lots of questions from juniors as I will ask lots from my seniors too. The questions were cute, and I don’t know want to say they are cute or what. But I was glad to share my experiences with them as well as guiding them along, just like what my seniors did to me

This newly year and first semester timetable is totally sucks. No body will like it I think. Just the best thing was “It-is-just-a-SHORT-SEMESTER” Pheww~Still, there are lots of things waiting for me to do. I was once felt burden and wanted to give up on something, but I will still try my best to complete my responsibilities as I promised. I hope I could maintain and keep my promise for my academic performance too just like what always keep for my clubs. It’s second year! Should have put more effort on my study since things will be tougher and important for honor calculation. Hope I can balance for both clubs things and study.

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很明显事情的发生的确能够考验人与人之间的感情。无论什么都好，我只想做好自己的本分，至少令自己开心，希望把正能量带给身边的所有人

Project C members with 2 teacher in the middle.

Bonding session at waterfall after the project!

That’s my life. Filled with wonderfulness and happiness. 

What is yours? Choose yourselves.

Disappointment

It just happened. I mean I never expected it to be happened. At least not involved people that I love. But it just happened like this and sadly I cant really accept it. As part of it. I am so disappointed with you. Even I had proud of you before. Even I was so happy to have you before. It was and now no more. You have no image at all and hardly to gain respect from me anymore. I cant say ever, to hate you, you are not deserved it for me to even care of. Because you did not treat me like what I was treating you. You are letting me down. And it was fine for me. I was disappointed and angry as you are letting the one that I love down too. YOU ARE DESPERATELY NOT DESERVED IT~!The care, and love from her, BECAUSE YOU NEVER APPRECIATE IT! You never aware that there are so much things you own now and you think it’s all come from you efforts ONLY.  Fuck you if you think like that. You sucked up as a grown up. You fucked up as a human. You screwed your own life.

Things are just out of control. Maybe this can be your excuse. But it never work for me because I believe if you have mind and think like a human being, it all would not happened. Everyone was thinking why you turn out to be that?Why I have such a 'you’ like that? I really don’t know how to face you at all. If I have a chance to meet you next time. Should I talk to you? Blame you? Scold you? Or slap you? No. I think I would not do anything. Because you will just losing everything including my care for you. Everything is useless as everything you are doing now is hurting everyone that close to you. We are speechless. Nothing to say about anymore since you are so “CLEVER” like can solve everything yourselves, you said like very simple. AND I WILL SEE HOW YOU DO IT AND SOLVE IT.

I knew I still cant let it down easily since I care of you so much. And you will never know it. You are just so selfish and live in your own beautiful world. Make sure once you get in, and never come out, so you will never regret for what you are doing. Or else, please get out NOW~!

*sigh-ing* Please forgive me to do that again since someone told me it was bad. I just think that beside sighing I don’t know what else I could do. At least it can clam down myself. I think I will accept it one day. Since the one love you so much could accept it and still love you. She is just so amazing but you will never realize how precious it is. Because you have lost. Lost in some wonderland. Only you yourselves can rescue yourselves out there.

很久没有试过那么认真，真正去对待一件事。你成功了。把平静的一切搞得翻云覆雨。你可以不爱惜你自己。不爱惜别人。不把人和事当一回事。玩世不恭。当时你亏待了对你好的人。爱你的人。虽然你不值得。有一些是不变的事实。我必须接受，无论那是多么的荒谬无耻不人道。我不能阻止你做的一切。只想一心一意做好自己，不让你伤害我爱的人，尽管你不懂得如何去爱人。

有些事是需要自己去领悟的。

从没想过那些电视剧情节会发生在自己身上。原来当你很不开心时，偏偏那些曾有过的美好且快乐的回忆真的会一幕幕的浮现。

又是一个控制不了思绪的一个晚上。很累。

尽管一滴雨都没有下犹如干旱，今晚的心情却是如此晴天霹雳

There are something ever important in my life called family & friends.

One week passed at a light speed. I am damn enjoying this holiday, though sometimes outing with family(with lots of kids) like having war, sometimes headache like hell when listen to the babies non-stop crying. I do enjoy when I had my own time out with my lovely friends, talking like an idiot to a baby that smiling at me, had precious time with family, really had bed time talking with mum, I think that’s is why I love my life here so much.

Last time gathering with my lovely secondary schoolmates was on Friday night. Around 11 people were there. A small gathering indeed, but we enjoyed it so much for the night. Chit chatting back to our old school time, viewed back our slideshow and photos, we called it memories that can never get back in University life. And I called this strong and real friendship existed in the world, in fact it’s incredibly happened in me.

“The Friendship”

~挚·友~

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Now my family turns. And nothing more important than my only MUM~

我知道有些事情只要你知道就好了。不需大肆喧嚷你有多伟大、我有多爱你之类的。越大越觉得我不需要做给别人看，只要你知道就足够了。对，只要你开心就好了=)

好不容易拉着妈妈拍了不懂第几个母亲节的第一张合照。

这是在新年拍的，最美的一张，你笑得很真、很灿烂。

心血来潮和姐姐拍的，拍了很多张，她说没有一张美，我说美不美不是重点，感觉上很warm~

很喜欢这张照片，并不是因为那讨人厌的‘衰仔’，是那流露出来的笑容，很自然、很真。

 

接下来是给两位不在家的哥哥的。

“本是同根生，相煎何太急”我不懂那些争吵有什么意义。或许大家都是自私的，就算是血脉相连，血浓于水的，大家还不是一个个只是每次发生事情就先想着自己的个体。我做不出，对于亲人，可能个性真的遗传了妈妈，很心软，没办法，自己的立场就是不喜欢为了些小事情而搞得大家不开心的，既然是这样，我宁愿自己啃了，就这样。不希望说太多，大家都是大人了，会不会想轮不到我来说，也没有资格说，有些东西是要自己去领会的。

我可以是个很简单的人。拥有简单的生活，简单的爱，来自家人、朋友就足够了。就算是很简单的一件事 我就可以笑了。你可以说我笑点很低，但我就是很容易开心的人。我知道所谓的简单 来得一点都不容易。‘没那么简单’，黄小琥都在唱。生活 有时候并不是我们想象中那么简单。尤其是牵涉到自己私人利益冲突的时候，一切都变得不简单了。

这就是简单的人类。思想简单的人类。

我只想说今晚的思绪其实有点凌乱。开心的心情  其实又很简单的被一些事情给影响了。我管不了这么多，只管做好自己的本分，一个女儿，一个妹妹，一个姑姑/阿姨，一个好朋友，什么角色都好。

不管你在想些什么、做些什么，当你看着的时候，希望能够反思一下，自己的角色，到底有没有演好？到底有没有把这人生的舞台给毁了？就算没有观众，也要尽自己的全力去做到最好，因为这是属于你自己的舞台。

The Past·And now we grown up·当我们小时候

Finally brother and his wife go back to Singapore. These few days were just plainly family days, being a good girl,not going out with friends, more or less, because have many family outing. I do enjoy to out with family too, aside from the troublesome children crying around and nothing much I could do beside eating. And yea, brother came back for wedding’s photo shooting. People said “the most beautiful moment in your life would be the day you are getting married.” I agree with that.

This will be the most beautiful moment in their life.

Precious moment in my family =]

Because of this little handsome boy here, I found back lots of my childhood photo, as well as my siblings one

He is damn cute and adorable, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE IS NOT CRYING~! LOL~

Here will be my comparison between little Justin and me.He is very much look like the baby me…

Here is ME~!!Cute?hahaha….

I am quite proud of myself when I was young

Even I know now was not that good looking,but still I ‘ve been cute.

That’s enough~!=D

Left one was my sister with her bee’s clothes XD

Right one was me, playing and biting my little buddy donald duck XD

Right one was the four sisters brothers in my family. The tallest should be my eldest brother,followed by my another brother and sister, the one who sat on the baby car was me, the youngest in the family.

In fact, I am a quite ‘ss’ person. “Syok sendiri”. This is  a the way how I improve my self-esteem.Haha. Anyway, go back to my topic. Friends that are not close to me, are very hardly to see any of this photo. But friends who are close to me, and had come to my house before, I am damn sure all these photo were not strange to you.

This is my childhood. This is what I want to blog about today. Since 20 years I living in this world. I had never realize that I had such an amazing childhood. I was not alone since I was born. I had my brothers and sister to play with me, to take care of me. I even had a doll that was same height and size, to play with me. I took lots of photo. Mum likes to keep me neat and cute in front of the camera.

I think everyone should have a moment like this before during your childhood. There must be something belongs to you and your family, to make it special in between the relationship and the bond with you and your family. As I believe so. Everyone should had a memorable childhood, no matter happy or not, just believe your parent are always trying to give everything to you as a child, even until now I believe so. It is so true if you look carefully in your life. Glance through it and never missed a moment that you had laughed and smile when your parents looked at you. Appreciate it if you missed it =)

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岁月过得如此的仓促

昔日的照片已不再光亮

照片中的小孩

如今也长大了

结婚的结婚

出外工作的工作

读书的读书

妈妈也变成婆婆，嫲嫲的说

家里添了不少人

有生气了

可不变的

我们依然是和蔼的一家人