Send my words to the stairs of heaven...

Someone reminds me that today is father's day....
There are no father's day for me few years ago....
As so many people dont know....
I'm not trying to keep it as a secret....
But just there is nothing to tell if you never ask....

Well....remember the post I had few weeks ago(MY WONDERFUL FAMILY)....
There were no photo me with my father...
As the others asked me....I only told....
Is definately hard to say out...."my father passed away few years ago..."
But I'm not feeling ashame to tell...
I just dont like the people react with "sorry" face...
It is doesn't matter and I accepted it few years ago and I live well...

Is time to tell about my father's story....
I dont really know what my father's occupation
as he having an accident before I was born...
Because of the accident....he lost his ability to walk....
He have to spend his entire life with the wheelchair...
He cant accept the truth initially but what to do with this reality.....?
My mum,was the only person by his side and take care of him....
That's why I respect my mum more than my father...

He is an emotinal person...
As he is the head of the family...4 of us (my 2 brothers,sister and me) also scare of him....
Even he is a maimed person, we do respect him and never offence him...

There are so few memories that we spending together....
I dont remember so much before I'm 10 years old...which means that I only have 2 years memories with you....What ashame for me....being a daughter...
I do remember the time we being together every sunday that is our family day....
And the time we go out having breakfast and dinner...
as simple as traditions and usual every sunday...

After 12 years he suffering from the immobility body....
He got kidney failure as the doctor told us
it is because he had been sitting on wheelchair always....[What the hell of reason is it?!]
Finally,he get relief from it...[is that relief?I dont know....]
What the memory I can never forget is our whole family walked out from the hospital
Without saying anything....
and my mum fetch us back to house and I just fell sleep
nothing else to think about...
That time I just 12 years old...
not matured enough to think more
but I knew what was happening and I know is time to become mature....

I'm sorry....dad.....
Everytime I think about you...I felt so sorry...
because I'm being far and far away from you ....
I dont even rmb your real face without a photo....
I dont even rmb your voice without a video....
Sorry bout that....

Happy father's day....
Let this words step through the stairs of heaven...
Send from a stupid daugther to her dearest father....
Simple but meaningful words...

p/s(UNDERSTAND ME PLZ):
Jill is an optimistic person and love her family so much....she do face a lot of sadness and hardship to accept the reality of life...And now...she is being matured as those experiences brought her up....She is weak but strong physically because she force to be strong....no sympathy words for me plz....because I'm not so upset actually....everyone should face it one day...I'm just facing the real world earlier...not so bad for me....
MY LIFE IS THE SEARCHING OF HAPPINESS....no hard feeling ya~