Imperfection

Now that i am the only trouble left...hopefully I would not disappointed anyone in the future...

Fuck that i am not always the perfect one...

There are just so much trouble that I had brought to you all...

Sorry for being the imperfect daughter, imperfect sister...

给自己，一定要记住

读书的日子的压力不少，还要加上金钱上的压力

这个是我最后一个学期，

我不能有任何差错

欠的钱已经够多

几个月后完成学业

接着就要真正出来社会闯荡

要面对工作上的压力

接着也要对那一屁股债负责

我知道这一个人生并不容易

所以我想提醒自己

不要被人看不起

以后出来工作一定要算清楚还清楚

欠人的我一定会还

人情债我也知道该还不少

但是一定一定要赚很多钱，

至少不会被人看不起。

For the past few days, I locked up myself in my own room...
Unmotivated to do anything when looking through the things that I should do or read on some journals at least...
But I just felt so unmotivated and feel so reckless to do such things.
Especially when I am moody and sick...
Yes I was sick for over a week and NOT YET recover!
The flu and cough is killing me and I could not help even with medicine I had finished few days ago...
New semester had just started and there are plenty of choices for electives...
Just because there are a lot of choices, I felt hard to make up my mind on which subject I should take...
Yet, I have to becareful and could not choose simply as  I like since all will influence my results and grades...

Result only will out on Tuesday and now I am still unmotivated to do anything...
Partly because of sick or I am just still in holiday mood...
I hope my sickness will go away soon and I would have mood to get back my motivation on whatever things...

Totally not in mood even blog >.<
Will be back soon...

2012 to 2013

Hi here I am posting the last blog for this year 2012.

2012 is a challenge year for me.

My degree third year and I am going to end my University life next year and a new page of life will be coming soon. Real soon.

Let’s flash back what I had done in the past 12 months in 2012.

What I can categorized this year is before and after I meet her.

Before I meet her, I was busy with my life full of events and what I gained is those joyful memories and wonderful experiences with wonderful people. This is the earlier months in 2012.

In the mid 2012, my life changed as I met her.

This wonderful girl in my life, who is so important to me and I could not barely think how could I live without her.

We began like most couple did. Flirting over phones, social platforms and go out in group for around 2months.

And finally I spoke it out with full of bravery in my life, that I never did. We get together.

In these 8 months I had been with her, just like the other couples did, we did argue, we did have fun, we did cry, we did laugh, we did everything that show how much we love others. We hate each other weaknesses, coward-ness, stupidity, but we love those sweet deeds, romance and surprises. It’s all LOVE.

And yes finally I realized what my friends had told me before, what I am before I fall in love and who I am now after I fall in love, could be different. I think this could be what I had learned the most in love. We need to take care of the other’s feelings.

I couldn’t be selfish anymore as I what did before, care-free for everything. But now I have to bear with whatever feelings that happened to her, or related to her. I have to remember that I am no longer an only person but I could have done many things that related to her.

2012, is not a world end year. But a year full of love for me.

My new year wish is just hope we could still stay together happily.

Hope we got a peaceful year ahead. With full of love, joy and fun

Happy New Year Everyone

如果还有明天

如果还有明天

我想地球上会有多半数人开心，

又多半数人伤心

开心，因为还可以活在世界上

开心，因为自己不相信的语言被打破了

伤心，因为还要面对接下来的考试

伤心，因为还要面对接下来的难题……

 

其实我自己本身真的对世界末日没有什么感觉。

没有伤感，没有快感。

因为日子还是要过，无论明天过得如何。

我不相信有世界末日。

如果有世界末日的那一天，我相信我自己也不会存在。

如果明天就是世界末日，那么接下来的这些话，

这篇东西，这个部落格，还有着世界上的一切……

都变得毫无意义……

 

如果你问我明天是世界末日的话，我会做什么？

要做的东西真的做不完。

倒不如好好把握时间，做完自己应该做的东西。

至少明天没有世界末日的话，我还要继续生活。

然后花点时间抱一抱自己认为重要的人，

做自己想做而认为做不够的事。

花几秒钟深呼吸，感受一下还活着的感觉……

 

我对明天没有期许。

我只想好好的活着，这一刻。

与成熟的距离

突然觉得自己与成熟的距离还有很远

以前总是觉得自己很成熟 很有想法似的

我总以为 自己好像经历很多东西似的

我总以为 自己好像过了大半人生似的

我总以为 自己很聪明

结果我也只不过是烂聪明

其实自己也是生活在框框中

 

我无法去取悦生命中的每一个人

我记性不好

要整天把自己想要做到的事情、要改变的事情写下

去提醒自己 要怎么去做人

去做别人喜欢的自己

但是却很挣扎的觉得为什么我不可以做自己喜欢做的自己？

别人要的我：

要成熟

要读好书

要快快毕业找工养家

要学会做每件事前想一下别人

我羡慕 我尊敬

那些可以在台上为了自己梦想表演的人

那些不计较钱为社会服务的人

那些可以在大草原努力奔放的动物

那些可以自由做喜欢的东西与自己的人们……

 

结论：

我与成熟的距离，还有很远。

我与做自己的距离，也很远。

我也其实只有21岁。而以。

A friendship

Forgive me not to post in this blog for a while ( I know for a long while)
But today back to blogging, this, is dedicated to a friend. A long lost friend.

I cant agree more with you. We were once so close. So damn close but WERE, is a past tense.
Sadly you do not even realized what had happened.
Heart broken.
Trust broken.
So do our true friendship.

We cant denial.
We can never get back.
We cant denial.
Broken heart could not stick back as well.
Until you realized it,
until you finally get regret on what you did...
Everything is just too late.
TOO LATE.

I have never been so hurt and disappointed for a friend.
When the more heart you give, the more hurt you will get.
But still, I was non-stop trying again and again, trying to get a hear back.
Of course I am saying friendship here.

And here the heart is given and it's broken and so do our friendship, too.
I was not saying who is right or wrong in this.
Everyone got their views.
Maybe you were not wrong at all, in your point of view.
For me, it's just like that.

We can still be friend.
I guess we should.
Perhaps just keep some distance. :)

Officially 3rd Year

It’s been a busy week since the new semester started…Many assignments ahead during this short semester and most importantly feeling stress for thesis 1 even just a registration process…I have to make a very careful and precise decision so I did not make myself in a wrong turn and regret that I could not get out from there. And I hope I did. Made a correct decision.

Life is just too much to get on and until the more I gain, the more I feel lost. And sometimes I think it will be worth for it as this is all my choice. I don’t like to doubt my own judgment and decision. Because once I have made it, I must be sure that I can do it and I will do my best. This is simply me.

And lucky to say, I passed my exam last semester. Considered lucky as I do not put so much hope on it and most of my friends not as lucky as me. I did not passed with flying colors but really with bad grades. Still, I appreciated whatever I got and will try my best to put on more efforts on whatever I do for coming semesters and this last challenging year!

One more thing to update, going to move during end of June, again. The third times that I making move for this 3 years living at KL. Said I don’t like to move my house which bring so much trouble to myself and my friends. But still forced to. Will have my new life soon. Hopefully with my beloved. Am really awaiting for it. ♥