顯示具有 心情日记之怒 標籤的文章。 顯示所有文章
顯示具有 心情日记之怒 標籤的文章。 顯示所有文章

10.5.11

Disappointment

It just happened. I mean I never expected it to be happened. At least not involved people that I love. But it just happened like this and sadly I cant really accept it. As part of it. I am so disappointed with you. Even I had proud of you before. Even I was so happy to have you before. It was and now no more. You have no image at all and hardly to gain respect from me anymore. I cant say ever, to hate you, you are not deserved it for me to even care of. Because you did not treat me like what I was treating you. You are letting me down. And it was fine for me. I was disappointed and angry as you are letting the one that I love down too. YOU ARE DESPERATELY NOT DESERVED IT~!The care, and love from her, BECAUSE YOU NEVER APPRECIATE IT! You never aware that there are so much things you own now and you think it’s all come from you efforts ONLY.  Fuck you if you think like that. You sucked up as a grown up. You fucked up as a human. You screwed your own life.

Things are just out of control. Maybe this can be your excuse. But it never work for me because I believe if you have mind and think like a human being, it all would not happened. Everyone was thinking why you turn out to be that?Why I have such a 'you’ like that? I really don’t know how to face you at all. If I have a chance to meet you next time. Should I talk to you? Blame you? Scold you? Or slap you? No. I think I would not do anything. Because you will just losing everything including my care for you. Everything is useless as everything you are doing now is hurting everyone that close to you. We are speechless. Nothing to say about anymore since you are so “CLEVER” like can solve everything yourselves, you said like very simple. AND I WILL SEE HOW YOU DO IT AND SOLVE IT.

I knew I still cant let it down easily since I care of you so much. And you will never know it. You are just so selfish and live in your own beautiful world. Make sure once you get in, and never come out, so you will never regret for what you are doing. Or else, please get out NOW~!

*sigh-ing* Please forgive me to do that again since someone told me it was bad. I just think that beside sighing I don’t know what else I could do. At least it can clam down myself. I think I will accept it one day. Since the one love you so much could accept it and still love you. She is just so amazing but you will never realize how precious it is. Because you have lost. Lost in some wonderland. Only you yourselves can rescue yourselves out there.

很久没有试过那么认真,真正去对待一件事。你成功了。把平静的一切搞得翻云覆雨。你可以不爱惜你自己。不爱惜别人。不把人和事当一回事。玩世不恭。当时你亏待了对你好的人。爱你的人。虽然你不值得。有一些是不变的事实。我必须接受,无论那是多么的荒谬无耻不人道。我不能阻止你做的一切。只想一心一意做好自己,不让你伤害我爱的人,尽管你不懂得如何去爱人。

有些事是需要自己去领悟的。

从没想过那些电视剧情节会发生在自己身上。原来当你很不开心时,偏偏那些曾有过的美好且快乐的回忆真的会一幕幕的浮现。

又是一个控制不了思绪的一个晚上。很累。

尽管一滴雨都没有下犹如干旱,今晚的心情却是如此晴天霹雳 Storm cloud

4.4.10

Be punctual

Think to save money for this month....
For last week I back to Ipoh....
I already waste one train ticket...
but now I'm wasting one again....

Really speechless....
The train just gone in front of my eye for the ever first time in my life....
We just late for bout 1 minute....
Ok...so I cant blame the Malaysia transport system be so punctual today???
My fault lo~
Like what my brother said....
"You will be used to it...."
Maybe....I will be used to it....
Rushing for the train was not the first time....
Last time I was so lucky...
But today....
just not my day....

Dunno what to say.....
I back late and I skip classes....
It ok for me but not used to it really...
It was a funny experince for me and I act like an idiot....
---------------------------------------------------------
Though I was a stupid....
I had a really happy weekend with my family....
Paying respect to our ancestors...
Included HIM....
We are really good children
and I see mum's smile when everyone of us around her....
I could feel the happiness from her smile....
I know it even we just having a simple and small dinner...
but we are all sitting together and have fun....
I know I was late for the train...
But they wait me and end up with jokes....
I smile again from disappointment...

That's what a family is....
The family for me...
Maybe I din get luck to get into the train....
But I get the luck to have such family like this...=)

30.11.08

还是很累……[有点不爽~]

今天一大早就被妈妈吵醒说要去吃早餐……
我当然累倒不行啦……
玩到“周身骨痛”……
但是如果我不去的话又被妈妈说跟朋友出去就早早起,跟他们出就不想起来……
结果还是眼睏睏的起床了……
跟他们吃了东西,还要到出去买东西……
我真的累倒了……

回到家已是11点多……
上了一下网,跑去check了一下NS能不能申请到第一批……
终于打到电话,但是那个语气不是很好的马来人跟我说第一批已经full了……
要申请第二批要写信去……但是还不确定能不能换……
好了,盖了电话……
万分的不爽……[不知道是不爽那个马来人的serving,还是什么……]
当然是很不开心下的……
很压抑……很辛苦……
困了自己在房间……

算了……
我还是想通了……
申请不到就算咯……
大不了死都不去……
读完书再说……
p/s:我很想去的,可是我真的不想耽误我读书的时间……死人@#%@#$%^@!

顶不顺,还是去睡觉了……
也不知道为什么,睡得不是很好……
没三个钟就醒了……
吃了午餐,看看戏……
就要准备冲凉,吃晚餐,然后送哥哥去搭车了……
他要回新家玻了……
有点不舍得……因为他每次回来都会弄得我和妈妈很开心……
当然我生日那天他刚好回来,让我过了一个很多笑声的生日……
真的要谢谢他……

下个礼拜好像都还没有节目……
子欢问我要不要去行山,我没回复她……
大家都很累……还没有心情谈这些吧……
让大家觉得休息得差不多再玩吧……

1.8.08

乒乓皇朝 之 权力之争(谁才是真正的朋友?)[I have learnt a lesson!]

今天在班上课时举行了一场盛大的选举('Kerajaan'/Club Ping Pong AGM)。
实在是没见过 Club Ping Pong 的AGM这么热闹过(想当年我们进Club Ping Pong 的时候冷清的画面)。

说回今天,我们Form 5要退休了,Club Ping Pong 的职位与职务都是时候交出来给我们的接班人……原本应该是Form 4接任我们的位置的,可是因为Form6要争课外活动分的关系,他们纷纷地加入了Club Ping Pong ,为的只是一工半职(还说明:“我加入系不系有职位个先?”[广东话])哈~实在搞笑!系不系没职位你就无加入先?!Hey!Dont make me angry or being rude to you!因为这句话,我可以跟你说,你一点机会也没有!

没办法啦~反正有人接就行了~可是我实在顶不顺,他们的一言一句。(但是我在学校并没有怒或讲咩也,因为我的朋友比我仲怒!我仲安慰她添!)还有,他们又不是junior,而是大过我们的senior啊~为什么他们的想法不能成熟一点?!不要酱幼稚啦!做卖些小动作~

我也发觉人性原来是可以那么恐怖的~一个人可以为了权力与职位不择手段,做些伤害别人的事。我真的很不明白……为什么?权力与职位真的那么重要吗?比友情重要?如果你说要取得coco(cocuriculum)分数,难道就没有别的方法凭自己的实力去争取吗?我问过自己,如果是我,我会怎么做?我的答案是:你要就拿去,我不稀罕~如果你认为这一切比友情跟重要的话,我可以跟你说,友情在我心目中不止这个价!

权利真的可以看清楚一个人。因为在那个人的心里,你这个朋友永远只仅仅的排在权利的后面,你永远都不可超过那条界限!心淡了……不要再为这些而争吵了好不好?把这些暂时放下,单纯地对待这仅有而真实的友情,不然你以后一定会后悔!后悔自己从没有过真实的友情!

老师说:“读书时期的朋友是最值得珍惜的,因为没有利益冲突。”(没有利益冲突?今天的事情是怎么回事?)可是我很认同的事就是,这个时期的朋友真的很值得珍惜~因为到了以后我们出到了社会工作,遇到的人事关系更加复杂,那些“朋友”比野狼更加恐怖!随时把你吃了也不知道!有些人可能会说读书时期不择手段,是为了以后出社会工作做准备,可是,我可以说如果你酱想的话,你一定会一辈子孤独,没有一个真心的朋友!

后记:我在想:我也会也会变成这样吗?第一个答案:不会吧?!第二个答案:可能吗?
对的,我得不到一个明确的答案。因为我不能预测未来的自己,只能够说,我应该做
不出。要我做些背叛良心/很狠的东西,对不起,我实在做不出……

15.5.08

对于考试,我有话要说!

这次的考试,真的是很假、很不真实!我们考的,老师大部分都有给tips,还甚至整张考卷都做过的。我觉得老师不应该给tips,也不应该有tips!虽然我也有跟tips读,可是我觉对反对给tips这个观念!想想看,SPM有谁会给tips你?没有tips的话,你会怎样?这次考试也因为tips搞得满城风雨....如果没有tips的话,就不会发生这些事了......

所以,我觉得考试还是要靠自己的实力的!只要在考试前做足够的准备就行了,我相信我是行的!

11.5.08

母亲节--感恩还是感恨?

今天是母亲节,在这个那么温馨、那么值得感恩的节日,我的伯伯和姑姑们“送”了一份很大、很惊喜的“礼物”给我婆婆,那就是他们商量(其实是决定要)送她去安老院。我知道他们其实很早就想“送”(其实是丢)她进安老院的了,我只是没想到他们会在这个那么值得感恩的节日做出那么残忍的事情而已......看着婆婆几般的不舍得与不愿意,她还是去了......陪着她的是我...我看着她,看得出她的无奈与悲伤......我无言....因为身为小孙女的我,又还没读完书,更没有经济能力,所以就不能出任何的反应...{婆婆,对不起....身为您的亲孙女,我真的帮不了您什么,我真的很惭愧,我唯一能做的就是尽量凑出时间来看看您....对不起......}

可是我的内心却酝酿着百般的感受...父母从小就对子女疼爱有加,对孩子付出所有,可是老来换来的事什么?是一言一句的冷语,是我很忙,没时间,更是丢弃不管或用钱来伤害父母的自尊心!这是什么世界啊?! 子女养年老的父母是那么天经地义的事情!可是他们只会推卸责任,还要在母亲节的那天才来送妈妈进安老院,这对一个老人家来说是那么残忍的一件事情啊~别说我这个亲生孙女,可能连外人看了也会暗地里责备他们...

我不知道送父母进安老院对大众来说是不是坏事,可是我绝对不赞成,如果我有能力的话,我一定不会让母亲受苦,不会让她住安老院!怎么说我也是一个有良心的人,是妈妈把我养大,是妈妈把我教大的!我人生最重要的就是她!妈妈,我爱你,希望你永远都那么的快乐~*.*