ஐﻬ♂ LIFE muz--GO oN--♀ ﻬஐ

The first stageplay

2012-01-16T14:25:00.000+08:00

第一次为舞台剧设计的海报

This, is my first stage play ever.
Not being an actor, but a crew of it, but it’s enough for me to be proud of that. There are too much things that I wanted to tell about this, so I blogged. It would be easier to express here for me rather than Facebook.

Let’s start over with Chinese.

一直以为只是略尽绵力，不想独当一面。我说，就因为朋友，我帮了。就因为是你们，我帮了。而在尽量尽量底下，不知不觉把海报赶了出来……尽量尽量也把其他东西给做了……直到后来才知道，演员们、导演们、以及几位Stage Managers（SM），那么努力的付出……才发觉自己的略尽绵力，的确微不足道。

很荣幸能够更一般这么棒的crew合作……从导演到演员……从SM到其他crew……我都觉得每一位都扮演着重要的角色、有不同的贡献。做了这个舞台剧，与其说成长，不如说我学会了很多东西……关于设计的、宣传的、灯光的……以及最重要的——态度。这一切对我来说都是很重要的知识。

先谢谢那个noob到暴的noob神——Soomei。谢谢你的noobness整天为我们带来不少的欢笑……担任这个职位，真的很不简单。Deal with导演、演员已是不简单的事了，还要应付我们这班挑剔的筹委……辛苦你了……真的如果不是你，我也没有机会接触到这个舞台剧……只因为看不过你的noobness~哈哈哈哈~也谢谢你的耐心……无论对任何人。因为我有时候也会闹情绪，也会发脾气，谢谢你的体谅……不过我也第一次看到发脾气的你。让我认识不一样的你。你的努力大家时看到的！希望你出到国不要再那么的noob了……不是每一次你遗忘了电话都有我们帮你收的……XD

在下来就要谢谢那个健芳妈妈~真的唠叨到像个妈妈那样……如果不是你，我也不会进华文学会，也不会认识舞台剧。虽然很多你在华文学会托付我的的、寄望我的……我都没有做好……因为那时候太多东西要烦了……而自己也没有心在里面……直到精辩结束，舞台剧的开始……一切回到了轨道……可能我们有时候拥有不同的意见，不同的看法……但是那绝对不会破坏一家人的感情……谢谢你的信任，那是个很重要的肯定……

到我认为一直都很低调、很细心、很有耐心的导演——茗刚。这一次总算认真地接触到你……因为之前都是从bryant、yonghao他们说你……然后看过你几次的演出，都觉得你很厉害……我本身最佩服及尊敬那些对艺术很有热忱、肯为艺术牺牲的人！你是其中一个……记得那张海报修了又改都有几十次……你还是很有耐心的告诉我那里需要改进……你很注重细节……视一切细微的东西都很重要……这让我觉得自己觉得要反省……因为自己在细节方面很差，有时候甚至会敷衍……但是在你身上，我学会了注意一些细微的东西……还有，原来在演员看似严肃的导演，在私底下原来可以那么的疯……他们说你是他们的导师……但你教他们的又何止演技……还有生活的态度。

还有一班副导——疯狂的Bernice，傻婆auntie LeySer，Hiao公 Chee Hong,很努力到病倒的编剧翠兰姐 Suki，很辛苦工作后还要来排练编剧Jessica，PuiFun……有你们才有那么好的based~当然少不了那班训练了接近半年的演员们……一直被折磨但很敬业的翘琳、快要演到精神分裂的kenlee誌享、很man但演到出神入化的娘娘腔kokhuat、很努力演好败家子的tecky、醉得很像的joycelyn、很流氓的CD~我都觉得你们在舞台上的第一次都很棒！

还有还有我们这班幕后功臣啦……灯光排档‘叉烧’仟好，和你合作是挺好玩的说、移动画的鬼魂也身兼几职的‘番薯’Charmane、制作及负责很多props还有身兼‘Maria’的大脸惠双、移动机关及作很多美术劳工兼整天吵来吵去的Shuli & Meishen、我很妒嫉在control room能看完全场的‘C’ Berry aka ‘control music punya berry’、每天发梦但还好当天醒来&身兼多职的CD、准备很多好食物的财政兼板后的白脸鬼魂鸣松、负责复杂的英文翻译subtitle的Hazel、还有前台blurblur但也蛮帮得忙的沚霖……真的是一个都不能少……！

三天……每天要破百的华文舞台剧……是在HELP的第一次……这个历史……我们共同的创了……无论有没有下一次……我都希望大家都能通过这个舞台剧认识彼此……珍惜这难得的缘分……

上报了……

第二天的拥挤场面……

朋友前来捧场

Crew and friends~!

Awesome Cast and Crew~!!

我很忙

2012-01-07T02:43:00.001+08:00

每天把自己搞到很累再把身躯抛向床的感觉,生命很实在。很想把这份紧张与喜悦分享,因为这一切都来的不易。

剧组加油 :)

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2012-01-05T10:45:00.001+08:00

This is what I currently busy for..

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Past few weeks back to 2011

2012-01-03T03:13:00.000+08:00

Was disappeared on blog for quite a long time due to some activities and events that had planned during my finals. Immediately after my finals,

I had my crazy night at Mist club for my friend’s birthday
Another day, I taking a long journey bus for vacation at Cameron Highland with two of my secondary besties.
And I went back KL after 3 days relaxing Christmas vacation in cold whether, then from KL, I go to Junjong, Kedah with my COS family.
From Kedah, I spent half day with my friends and makan at Penang.
But finally, I ought to back to Ipoh before 2012 and countdown with my old school friends.

Travelled a lot and I am so tired~! Seem a busy and packed holiday for me this sembreak. Anyway, it is kind of sad that I can blog here because I had back KL. There will be a stageplay coming next week.

Below are the photo that had taken during all the events and activities.

Attended an international debate as one of the committee

Went for a very ‘red and hot’ concert

Attended my eldest brother’s wedding

Spend my Christmas at Cameron Highland

Countdown with my friends at Ipoh

Feel to talk about 2011 even now already 3rd Jan 2012. Sorry I am still not getting used to it.
For the past 2011, I had did a lot of crazy did, mostly crazy, now I realized.

About earning money
1. I never think of being in a direct sales. I do hate it at last, I found out. I am not really a business kind of person and yes I am a stupid when comes to money. But I still thinking I am lucky because I still got my lovely friends and family being there to support me.
2. In 2011, I worked out a lot on finding ways to earn money, sometimes, in a way that I did not like. I hate myself that cant stay in something for a longer period. I am a hot tempered person when comes to things that I did not enjoy.
3. At last, I still earning money in a stupid way, but I enjoyed it.

About friends
1. I found out some people are just that important but sometimes it’s just okay to live like that without them, anyone. It’s okay for me to be alone sometimes, but I still need friends.
2. I get to used to find alternative ways to make myself happy when I felt sad and disappointed about friends.
3. I realized I can treat a true friend very nice, but he or she must be nice to me first. I like reciprocal relationship.
4. At last, I realized even sometimes I can put a heart to a friend but he or she not necessary did. Never mind, I will know it.

About family
1. Still, the most important element in my life.
2. I felt hurt when someone in the family trying to lie or hide something behind you, even it’s for my own good.
3. I felt hurt and disappointed when someone you really admire and respect did something to hurt the family.
4. Even how much I trying to hate you and can never forgive what you did, I still love you because you are my dearest family.

About life
1. I had think more about meaning in life. Someone I admired said,” there are always something meaningless in life, but we still need to live through it.” So, just live through it.
2. I’m still a very optimistic person because I can ignore anything that is bad to me. I can say ‘never mind’, because for me, I just need to get through my life in that way.
3. I cant say I know everything about life, but I do understand what kind of life I wanted to have.

That’s all I can blog about for today and talk about my new year resolution tomorrow.

Santa Claus did not come to me

2011-12-25T03:42:00.000+08:00

坐在金马伦高原一处眺望着远方
冷冷的空气街上的人群
我尝着一口浓浓的巧克力蛋糕再配上圣诞节星巴克特饮
这个圣诞节前夕过得有点不一样
别人说平安夜失身夜
我说平安夜单身夜
跟两位单身的姐妹开始了这段简单的旅程
有点仓促但总算能过个冷冷的圣诞简单放松的假期

记得往年都是和一大班朋友一起过……
今年少了他们的确有点空虚
但是网聚其实也不错
大家wish来wish去很warm
尽管少了实在的感觉
可能大家不能时时刻刻陪在身边
就像网络也会时常断线
但是心灵上的连接不曾断过

我其实不想想太多
只想简简单单的宁静的度过这个圣诞
朋友们想念不想时常挂在嘴边
但是只希望你们偶尔得空时会记得那班曾经的好朋友……
圣诞节快乐

信任

2011-12-11T00:21:00.000+08:00

我说过：“我自问很尽心尽力去做生命中任何一件事情，对于人生的认真，绝对不敷衍妥协。”

我也在fb发文说：“我一直都在努力做好我自己。我不想一直说自己到底做了什么事、多少事……
少说话，多做事。一直都秉持这句话去做事。今天的我是不负责任，今天的我是没有能力，今天的我是没有信心’的话‘，我想说，我不会接下这一切，也不会默默地、傻傻的为这一切付出……”

我很讨厌被人质疑……因为对于我有信心、我有能力的事，我很在意。
很在意被人眼里的自己，说自己没有付出努力，说自己没有做东西。
如果今天我在这个位子，我没有做过任何事，我没有尽过任何责任，我可以站在那里原地不动的被你责骂。但是我自问自己付出得不少，我自问自己不曾敷衍过自己的人生，更别说你的人生，现在你责问我、说我好像没有尽一百分的努力？我知道自己不比你努力的多，因为我不在你的位置。我知道自己不比你看重这场比赛，因为大家理念不一样。但是我拥有的热忱不比你少，我付出的我也不想多说。

信任对我来说很重要。无论做什么事都好。一个team，一件事情，一段感情，一段友情。缺乏了信任，我觉得做什么，都不重要了。俗语说：“用人勿疑，疑人勿用。”你不相信我，就不要用我。不要合作。我并没有什么损失。你也不用再辛苦用你的眼光、用你的秤去量我做了多少东西。大家不合则散，好来好去。

朋友说：“不必为了这些小事烦恼……”
会的，今天以后睡醒，把精神集中在考试……
加油

*此文只是纯发泄，同意与否纯粹个人观点，不供作讨论。

虽然我也只是个妹妹

2011-12-08T01:57:00.000+08:00

对又在半夜发文
只能在这个时候
最多感触最能写东西的时候
其实也没什么要说的只是就是想发
想发泄一下
想说那没用的自己
又在浪费时间了
喜欢发呆喜欢胡思乱想些什么
无聊

距离哥哥结婚不远
我想说一点感觉都没有
别人并不了解
在那张看似欢乐幸福的画面背后隐藏的悲哀
没有人了解这个家庭背后的感伤
未来是如何我就像个局外人一样不能做出断定
我问：“没有了感情的婚姻，算什么？”
没有了爱的感情，只存在着责任
就像没有加糖的咖啡苦涩的
但往往还是会有人会傻傻的乐在其中

我并不了解那是什么样的爱
只觉得很傻
那令我想起一句话
“当你爱上一个人的时候，你就已经是个傻瓜了”
她可能是个傻瓜但是她爱他
很爱很爱他……

我不懂能不能够献上很真诚的祝福
尽管那是我觉得曾经很亲近的人
是的曾经你对我来说是那么的亲那么的尊敬
我不能够评论与谴责
不是因为我是个妹妹
而是因为我是一个理智的人
一个总是希望能够在为事情背后发生的一切找出原因
我想知道原因
如果说那是因为‘爱与不爱’的问题
也只能接受

每个人总要为自己所做的事负责任
我是这么的认为
只要不会为其他人其他爱你的人造成困扰
我觉得你要怎么去做那时你的事
尽管你对我来说是那么重要的亲人
我只希望你能够为自己做过的负责那就够了

那祝福可能是个希望
希望你会为保护这个家庭
不要让爱你的人失望
不要让爱你的人受伤……

伤不起

2011-12-07T00:05:00.000+08:00

郁可唯伤不起
作詞：林夕作曲：饒善强
就像一個夢想只能想像
就像兩個氣球不容碰撞
說聲很有感覺簡單
承認真實相處的感覺很難
一點點不安就掛在心上
不是愛不起只是傷不起
只知道堅持脆弱浪漫
不知道誰不自量
怕難過想難忘
以為追求完美卻又經不起受傷
既然歡樂變成負擔
只有不歡而散

就像咖啡只能不斷加糖
就像親吻不曾預備辛酸
只會接受笑容感動
不愿面對抱頭痛哭難堪
沒想到這樣也只能這樣
不是愛不起只是傷不起
只知道堅持脆弱浪漫
不知道誰不自量
怕難過想難忘
以為追求完美卻沒想過會受傷
既然歡樂變成負擔
只有不歡而散

不是不愛你只是傷不起
不斷在分享沒想過分擔
一直朝泡影莽撞
才失望就絕望
以為追求完美變成兩敗俱傷
既然歡樂變成負擔
活該不歡而散

钟爱这首歌
一直很喜欢林夕作的歌词
很简单
很一针见血
就像歌词里一样
表达了一些意境一些感觉
一些自己不懂如何表达的词句
完完全全彻彻底底的
被歌词全部给带了出来
不是爱不起只是伤不起

最近好像没有多余的空间让自己静下来
思考
回想身边所发生的每一件事物
很缺乏思想
只是盲目的一直埋头苦干
几时才是出头天？
没答案
话说final就在下星期
考完试后更忙
那是什么生活了？

沉淀

2011-12-02T01:20:00.000+08:00

总算看清了一些真挚的友情。
知道某一些人无论如何在你生命中还是很重要
知道某一些人其实缺少了也没有什么好可惜的

没有了生日后的喜悦，只因一切来得太急躁
回到来只能埋头苦干一大堆还没有完成的功课
足足没有睡一整个晚上，还要顶着去上课
结果回到家就是一阵昏迷直到另一天的早晨

回顾今年生日，几乎，平淡，和自己向往的蛮像似
但偶尔还会有些落寞。
我对自己说：“知足、快乐”也是我每一年差不多的愿望
总是期待会有那么一个人了解自己，但知道还没有那样的缘分后，
失落、低潮
还是会满怀期待的去迎接下一个未来

想着自己每次自己沉默然后低泣的夜晚
苦笑着自己也有闹情绪的最近
心情很容易变得糟糕
仿佛回到了以前
那个永远只会忍气吞声
生闷气的自己
生气自己理智的每天只会怪自己的笨蛋
生气自己只会把一切有的没的吞完然后只会向无辜的朋友诉苦
生气我干吗要为那一些不值得生气的人与事而生气？
在浪费自己的青春时间
很累每一次都在生气时睡觉
只想再醒来的当儿我会忘记一切

我说我每一次都很用心、很尽力去做好每一件事情，
希望换来的是美好的回忆。
我不期望有什么回报，
只希望那么一点一滴的努力，
能够让别人看见以及珍惜。
那一份肯定，对我来说很重要
就好像人们努力生存也只是想证明些什么
想向全世界说：“我存在着！”
我不期望能活多久，我只想证明自己存在在这个世界过
然后在世界的某一个角落，某一个地方，至少会有一个人认同我

今天被黑夜吞噬了自己
我期待明天的光明会把自己带回原来的地方

又一年

2011-11-26T00:39:00.000+08:00

这一年又在电脑面前默默的倒数自己的生日
不同的是今年陪伴着自己的并不是assignment
因为想放松一下自己不是明天due date
难得今年能在半夜发文
想说今年的愿望其实也跟往年差不多
只是想平淡知足的过着自己想要的生活
想要的东西总是有很多
但是总不能一时间能够满足的
就好像我要一直提醒自己要感恩要知足
去面对每一天生活
我想要的其实并不多
简单就好过 =)

前几天我做了一件搞笑的事
也是自己想做的实验
在Facebook保密了自己的生日
看下到底有多少个人记得自己的生日
到底有多少个真心祝福的人
结果我看明天才能懂
但是看刚刚的情况来讲　
我很幸运　因为我的好朋友都记得　
谢谢你们，特别感谢美燕每次都是最早的、也是最有心的
我很喜欢那封message，很特别、很感动
我总觉得多少不重要　有心就好了
还有前几个礼拜　与前几天的提前生日会
你们的心意　我都收到了
只是想再一次　真心　诚恳的　跟你们说一句

谢谢 =)

生日·快乐

2011-11-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

今天替亲爱的健芳庆祝生日，很简单，很开心
就像聚会，就像真的很久不见的老朋友，就像一家人
这也是为什么坚决觉得自己没有后悔是下乡团的一分子的原因
很有爱，很有感情的一个团体
我在里面可能找不到那种中学的青涩友情，
但却在里头感受到人在异乡的温暖与爱♥

跟朋友庆祝生日当然需要
人家说，或每个人都认为，
庆祝生日，是要看心的，就要验证你们的感情深厚度。
虽然自己有时候也会那么认为，但是我其实是一个很传统的人。
认为生日，就应该+必须要有家人。
能回家庆祝，是自己不想错过的事。
就算不能在正日，也至少，在那个月，要回家和妈妈吃顿饭。
这是对自己很重要的原则。对妈妈的尊敬。
这个生命，得来不易，想每次生日都那么提醒自己。

我不是一个很会做人的人
我喜欢恶搞那些想为我庆生的朋友
也只有一次，那么唯一的一次受骗了
发誓自己不会再被骗！XD
自己是个喜欢制造惊喜的人
可以说习惯了惊喜，所以对于‘惊喜’，
也可能是‘惊’，多过于‘喜’罢了。
但是今天，很享受，因为成功制造惊喜。

其实，快乐可以很简单。
但并不是每个人都能明白
那简单的快乐。
我要的快乐，也只不过是你的快乐 =)

短文

2011-11-21T23:21:00.001+08:00

在自己生病的时候才懂得自己的脆弱

偏偏在这个脆弱的时刻

只想回家

想说要尽快完成这里的功课

赶快、期待星期四的到来

回家去 =)

The box

2011-11-19T01:28:00.000+08:00

Just feel to evoke something very meaningful and quite true from Dr.Hera—our Biopsychology lecturer.

She said, when the animal fight for their food or kill others animal for food, we will think it is normal. But when comes to human, if we kill somebody because we want something from he/she, we are wrong.

Legally speaking, if you talk to a lawyer, the answer will be: “Because we are human being, we have rules and regulation and so called LAW to restraint our behaviors.” Agree. To certain extend. But as a psychology student, we will tend to argue just between MORAL vs. Justices.

Did not try to argue on this statement, but I was interesting to point out something very important but we always taken for granted—THE MINDSET.

We are quite a very special creature that thinks we are so special and different, especially from other ‘species’, but dint we all are animal for god sake? We think that we are so special just because we had that brain that enable ‘thinking’. But who says and judge that animal did not had a brain to think at all? To certain extend, they think too, and maybe in our world they were so stupid than us, but it might, I mean in their world, the one in front of them (the human) is just a fool. Just because they did not speak, they did not express themselves, we judge them, we put them into category, we did everything and put into a ‘box’, and this is what I called the “Mindset”.

A mindset I want to define here is the box( yes I meant a box, which is small enough to keep yourself inside), that we always want to keep something in ourselves, our life, some principles, some rules, some judgment, anything that we think that is right, and that, is our very magnificent HUMAN MIND.

Interesting didn’t we? We all own a box. Inside the box we know what we kept, it’s either we open it, to let more things to go in, or close it, it is your own choice. But I will say, I would like to borrow the closed box from others, slowly open it and get something from it, didn’t it make life more easy?More interesting?

Grasp yourself a moment. To.think.out.of.the.box.

题外话之最近生活：
回到来KL一个礼拜就忙足一个礼拜。Assignment，test统统给我杀上门来。想说就算几忙得自己，其实还是会有机会给自己放轻松，但只是很快的，轻松完了，就要马上回到紧绷状态，真的是怕自己的柔韧度没有那么耐。感觉上没有时间发呆，发呆了会愧疚，因为白白浪费了几分钟去放空。压力，每个人都有。只是看你自己到底怎么去应付、与面对。至于未解决，生活还是要过。现在趁年轻，冲吧！

触动

2011-11-11T02:58:00.000+08:00

一阵莫名的感触涌上头来。
原本以为不会有太大的感触，以为只会有不一样的感觉。
与中学朋友再一次看了《那些年》，看完过后，冲动的买了星期六的票，想和另外一班朋友再看。
其实没有任何太过特别的感受，比想象中良好。

只是在结束分享后，回到家，心情沉淀下来时，鼻酸了，眼眶突然一阵涩涩的。我说我从不后悔那些年拒绝感情的日子，有一半是真，一半是假的。如果那些年，我从不理智，我从不成熟，懵懵懂懂的谈上一场恋爱，可能现在的爱情观可能会不一样。如果回到那些年，我从不羞涩，从不胆怯，勇敢的毫不犹豫地做出一些所谓幼稚的事，可能现在就有一些不一样幼稚的回忆。

我从不敢想象，如果回到那些年，让我有机会回到那些年……我会如何从新选择。但是人生总有会有那一些些的遗憾不是吗？我不敢很肯定地说我从不后悔，但是现在的我谈不上后悔，也不能如此地说。毕竟人的经历，各有不同。

那些年，我从不真正面对自己的感情。说我逃避，说我以学业为重，我只能说我是自私的。不想为了一些有的没的，伤害别人或伤害到自己。内心的刺痛比任何一切看得见的伤口更严重、更可怕。知道自己承受不了就干脆选择不要去爱上任何一个人。我称之为洒脱。可能我是傻的，但恋爱的人是不是更傻？
你说就算傻，就算痛，也总算爱过。我没有爱过，但我却了解痛。矛盾。
是扯远了，只因这一刻的心情，很饿，睡不着觉。
曾经有人说过：单身久了，其实也想要有个人来依靠。
有那么样想过，但是却不想随便，因为自己对于某一些东西还是会执着，还是会想要完美的回忆。
会一直试着保护着自己所坚持的一切，就算到最后还是徒劳无功，也总算对自己负责了。

Soft melody in life

2011-11-07T20:12:00.000+08:00

Today was a special and relax reunion with old school friends. We finally had our very typical Ipoh uncle and aunty lifestyle in this early morning. After our dim sum session in the early morning, we persuade ah soong to skip her intern work and had a walk to D.R. Park—a very historical place for me during my childhood.

It’s been many years I did not come to this place and what is left here are all my childhood memories. I just remember this place, was the place where my family spend our weekend, while my father was still around. Mum used to bring all of us to dapao dim sum and we will have our breakfast inside the car, after that we will play around the park. We also took lots of photo with my other father-side relatives as old photo albums were still kept until now.

It had changed a lot. Imagine I was like more than 10 years not step inside the park. We saw there was rubbish around and the environment was not that clean anymore. Maybe when comes to children, we did not really pay so much attention to some particulars and as children, we did not even realize this place was not that big.

This place is where we all back to childhood love to play with. This playground used to be so BIG to me, when I was 5 I think. Not anymore now……

After the walk, we went to eat the most famous toufu fa+ soya—namely BAK BAK (white white for direct translate). Still, we are like grown up acting like a kid.

Back then, it is always crazy and relax to be with my lovely friends. Talking about the past, joking around, and talk about something nonsense… We are just so great with that.

There will be since a couple of days I will be here luckily.
And this is the most usual thing that I will do when I come back here—haircut.

Now this is a very short one, for the fringe~!!!I really not used to it and cant really accept it. Though have to >.<
Not feeling to dye my hair during this period, and might wait until my brother’s wedding in December.

And yes I had shopped for few days and hunted quite a few new clothes. It is cheap btw~!!!

And this is another one I wore on my sister’s birthday celebration. And I still have two more waiting for another special day to be wore.

Back to Ipoh,
I am a dater
I am an out-goer
I am a baby sitter
I am a bad daughter
I am not a good aunt
I am not a good friend
I am a bad student
I am so damn lazy.

I just want my life to run in a slow pace like a soft melody in a song.
I just live in my way.
It is just here, I can live in this way and to be myself.

童真，在我们脸上是曾经是那么轻而易举的显出，可惜现在却遥不可及。

The Anniversary and…

2011-11-01T01:09:00.001+08:00

~~Today~~ Yesterday was our 3rd Anniversary for Graduation Day since secondary school, meaning to say that I have been graduated for a total 3 years already~!! I missed those days. And my friends too.
I was merely forgot in the morning if not Ah Soong sent me the message (like every year she used to do that~). Thousand appreciate.
I was so sick that had been stressed for few days because rushing for assignment. And this is also the first time I still stay up late when I was so sick and uncomfortable—just to do the assignment. Once again this story telling us not to procrastinate but once and once again we will do the same thing and I-don’t-know-why. Another lesson learnt is that I cant really rely on others to do things and feel so unsecure and nervous without really check it by myself, unless I believe the person so much (perhaps I convince myself to). Without any choice, I can just tell myself for this time: “lesson learnt, be brilliant.”
Not forget to talk about the crazy act that mostly all of us changed our profile picture to the same at Facebook (the one I edit for my beloved friends).

Quite a lot of us changed our profile picture after we had proposed the idea XD (only 7 can be shown but I swear its more than that~!)

And here is the conversation between us in our special group.
Cant really recognize who and who?That’s every single comment contributed by different people~! =P

给最亲爱的你们：

今天是毕业纪念日。我从没忘记过那时的感动与泪水。

心中依然有你们。而离别，仿佛象是昨日刚发生过的事。
依然守着的五年之约，至今也只剩下731天，
我也只能把剩下的那段时光抱着期待的心情，期待的下一次的相聚。 :)

Suppose to sleep early since did not get much sleep yesterday but still want to play on illustrator. I found myself cant help to stop when come across drawing and design on something. Just want and try to do the best that I can. And below was the rough design on flyers and poster for our coming CCS stage play for next year.

Comments are welcomed~

The script was quite well-written and all the performers are in well-training. Just very excited to be part of it.
So my day so far is just like that. And the sickness continue to strike if I didn’t get enough sleep today. Night world

述说那些年……

2011-10-27T16:55:00.000+08:00

想要大声地告诉全世界：“我看了《那些年，我们一起追的女孩》！！！”
半夜战战兢兢抢购的预映戏票，终于昨天看了！
等了我半年……果然刀大没有让自己失望。虽然他只是诚恳地要把这份爱意表达给那位在他心目中无法取代的女孩，但是还是觉得真的是超级无敌的棒！

细说……当年，第一次知道/认识——九把刀。

这是我第一本看九把刀的书，也是我最爱的一本。

真的很喜欢九把刀的作品。这让我更加肯定，自己欣赏一个人，一位歌手，一个演员，一个作家，的确很喜欢那个人的性格，然后打从心里喜欢他们。
无可否认，自己放了很多期待、希望于这部电影。因为真的很喜欢，很喜欢，很喜欢这一本书。可能那时看这本书的时候，觉得很贴近自己，青春时期，那段我一回不去的岁月。但是却打从心里，就算觉得不可能，还是很希望能从电影，感受到或重新体会那年轻的感觉。就像导演坚持要完成自己的梦想一样，就像他要透过电影来找回那十七岁的自己一样。

“青春是一場大雨。即使感冒了，還盼望回頭再淋它一次。”

而错过的那场大雨，我很想有机会再体会一次。

我想如果自己没那么早熟，没有经历过一些事，没有那么理智，我会勇敢，我会疯狂，我会尝试的去狠狠地淋一场大雨，不管有多倾盆。可惜我没有时光机，也没有一个浪漫的男孩为我制造那个独一无二的时光机。
你是浪漫的，柯景腾。

觉得只有男女主角的海报很浪漫，但自己却对这张一班朋友在海边玩完水过后背着蓝天白云的海报情有独钟。

有机会真的很想很想和一大班朋友去海边拍回一些这样的照片。很有FEEL。

戏内、书内都有很多精彩的对白……
“成长，最残酷的部分就是女孩永远比同年龄的男孩成熟，女孩的成熟没有一个男孩能招架得住。”——柯腾
“人生里很多事都是徒劳无功的。”——沈佳宜
“我想要成为一个很厉害的人，我要这世界因为我而变得有一点点的不一样。而我的世界其实也只不过是你的心。”——柯腾
“常常聽到別人說，戀愛最美好的部分救是曖昧的時候，等到真正在一起，很多感覺就會消失不見了。”——沈佳宜

《那些年》是我中学时期看的一本书。它记载的不单单只是纯纯的青春爱情故事。不只是男孩与女孩的故事。它包含了一些属于每一个人不同的记忆，属于自己独特的记忆。我喜欢里面单纯简单的青春爱情故事，那份纯，细腻得让人觉得遥不可及，却那么的刻骨铭心，尽管觉得可惜，却是生命中一丝丝回忆的甜蜜。

我说：如果说每个男孩的心中都有个沈佳宜，那么每个女孩又何尝不希望在生命中有个柯腾呢？

尽管没有电影里般的青春故事，但我却想起那些年，那年少轻狂的我们，一同很热血的做过一些很疯狂却已足够让人回味的事。

疯狂的朋友们，我想念你们了。

想着，一定要回去和你们一同看这部戏，想必感觉一定不一样吧。

浪

2011-10-21T18:41:00.000+08:00

突如其来的想法就像这场大雨

可恶的生活就是如此的潇洒

不喜欢照着所谓的规则而走

今天两位室友回去了家乡

她们说：“我们走了你就会很孤单咯~”

我心想，我正难得清静。

我并不觉得一个人有什么大不了

我可以一个人走去超市一个人推着篮子买自己要买的东西

再回到家一个人煮一个人的午餐一个人看戏

我并不孤单因为我有自己作伴我喜欢与自己对话

意味着我正在加深对自己的了解

我说我并不需要另外一个人与我分担

因为此刻的自己安静才是我最好的伴侣

一直想去流浪

一个人到陌生的国度

想去吹风想去看海

想去探讨这世界的另一面

是否会与自己的不一样？

“那样的期待已足够浪漫”

同意。

实在期待，那未来的旅程 =)

题外话至今日金句：
记得那份坚持，不如去寻找回到昔日那份热情，
就算劳累但至少也过得有趣一些。

Back to the movie mood

2011-10-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

Didn’t really get well today because get traumatic after effect from biopsych midterm. Anyway, no matter what, I had meals with friends, back home watching movies continuously along with the pouring rain, everything bad, like flushing away just like that.

Since the previous post, I always wanted to post something else to cover it. LOL~! But not surprisingly I get some feedback and comments from some friends. Some sweet and blessing, but too saying something funny. I do appreciate that, for whatever comments, thanks~! But what I have mentioned, it’s just a kind of feeling, and something I am not too good to express verbally. It’s truly what I want to express but maybe not too good in terms of words also.

Back to the topic today. Finally I got to finish some of the movies in my list. 3 movies, one fresh downloaded and two watched half.

1. The sorcerer and the white snake

This very fresh movie. I was like wow~!”It’s still available in the cinema~!” But I got to download it~!XD

Lots of exaggerated graphics and animated effects,which I don’t really like in Chinese movies. But storyline is fine and the character is so gorgeous, didn’t she? And the way it conveys the message “Love” is touched and romantic, so I guess maybe this is the point that so many people said it’s a nice movie?

Recommended?

2. Temple Grandin

A movie recommended by a friend and I get from him of course. Real life story of a genius with autism called “Temple Grandin”. Old fashioned style movie, but what makes me interested is the character with extraordinary mind but has odd behaviors—particularly, Autism. I like it since it’s related to my study on Biopsych =D truly interesting for me XD

Guess what in this photo? I search online and just know that the actress is so gorgeous and so different from the character inside the movie~!!! The main character “Claire Danes” (left) with real “Temple Grandin” (right). Believe it in your eyes~!!

Recommended?

3. She is out of my league

A comedy, a love story. All I can say about this movie. A guy has no confidence at all in himself that he can have a perfect girl friend. Of course another gorgeous inside this movie, but why no hot guys in my movies? Haha~anyway, Lovely story and it-is-just-very-American-comedy-style-movie-on-love for me.

Recommended?

Finished my rating. Hope readers can get something out of it if you have not watch any

Before I go, I really want to complaint about my tortoise connection line here~!!!! We were pay like RM140 per month but we received sucks service and sucks connection~!F**k~even tortoise is faster than it~! Hope can deal with Unifi package asap.

那些关于爱情

2011-10-15T22:58:00.001+08:00

总是期待那童话式的浪漫爱情故事会发生在自己身上
浪漫到头来烂漫
20岁了我很骄傲的说我从未拍过拖
没有堕落过所谓的爱河
但是不要看小我对爱情的知识
我一直在想如果我谈恋爱我一定是一个很浪漫的人
就算我未必能展现我的浪漫但或许另一半是浪漫的
我一直在想如果我要爱一个人
我一定是疯狂的爱上他了
因为先天条件要我喜欢一个人
要超越我爱自己的程度
就是说我连自己都可以不顾了
疯狂了爱了

我一直在想我的另一半
也将会是我自己的最后一个另一半
看不见未来的世界很恐怖
所以一定要对未来有信心我才能开始一段恋情

所以说你知道为什么我到现在都还没有拍拖
没有爱上一个人
因为我不觉得我可以爱一个人胜过与爱我自己
我不觉得爱情可以看到未来并充满憧憬
因为我害怕怕会疯狂的爱上别人
而不顾自己
因为如果被伤了那真的会很伤

Peer Support Day

2011-10-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

It is so lovely to see my book covered with so many colorful paper with words ♥♥♥ And it’s all because of the “Peer Support Day” by PSG@HELP. How this work is by buying the stickers from them and stick to your friends’ back to show your support or give he/she some sweet words~Silly yet interesting. I think it’s kind of funny and good idea to have such event like this =)

These days I did not busy with any event yet, but mainly on study seriously. But I do feel so exhausted and directional-less when come across assignments, and sometimes on the books. Anyway, still everything need to be settled and everyone need to pass through these phase.

Gonna have real experiment run this semester~!!*kind of excited but still a bit nervous* Hope everything will go smoothly and won’t be extremely panic to analyze the collected data.

Mid-term will be on next week~ makes me can’t go back home even it’s free weekend T_T I missed my mum, cute nephew and bobo~

Updated this in a rush way. Just to let whoever reading this keep track to my life. Have a nice day. Keep your smile, I always on your back =)

一个影片勾起了无数的回忆

2011-10-10T23:50:00.000+08:00

不好意思最近写得比较频密~
因为有少许的感触
也除了写部落对其他事都没感什么兴趣

刚看完了 Selina即将要出嫁的影片
极力极力的推荐！！！
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XSZyniISoqo

♥那张还留在硬盘里她们的照片♥

真的有很多感触。
不单单是因为支持了她们整整10年之久
也因为她们陪着我成长
我可以说听她们的歌长大的
10年了
除了喜欢她们的歌
也很喜欢她们爽朗直率的个性
从来就不做作
喜欢她们因为她们就是她们
我永远最爱的女子天团

那为什么那一段不长不短的影片会勾起无数的回忆呢？

你们有没有试过
当耳边响起熟悉的旋律时
某一段你曾经经历过的画面出现了？
然而就是如此
陪着我长大的歌如此的熟悉
让那段深藏已久的记忆
缓缓在脑海中浮现

我甚至打开了file 看着自己以前的照片
还是那句 ‘不堪入目’
果然是‘青涩’、‘年轻’还有不懂如何形容
或许年少轻狂还是这句话形容得最贴切
以前的自己可以做事不经大脑
但是很直率很容易为了小事而狂笑
现在的自己凡事深思熟虑
还会嘲笑那貌似曾经的自己的学生们孩子们
但好像没那么多真挚的笑容了
因为懂得思考了
也因为那思考能力时常提醒自己
不能像个小孩要‘大人’一点
不能那么明显要保持神秘
很少人多时大笑要保持形象
不能这样不能那样

但渐渐的自己也习惯了那样的保护色
总在人前隐藏着那真真切切的自己
不喜欢被猜透的感觉
就好像光脱脱的把自己展现在别人眼前
那层厚厚的看不透的保护色
不是刻意那只是习惯了
尽管有时还是会提醒自己要自然一点
但是我就是如此的
不想长大
但还是长大了
没办法再停留在那不现实的国度

就像曾经的那三个天真的女生
也变成了魅力四射的女人
自己也不再是10岁的小孩

瓶颈

2011-10-09T21:39:00.000+08:00

生活仿佛遇到了瓶颈

我所谓的瓶颈只是自己在生活上

无论做什么事都好像提不起劲

没有心情做任何事

就算平时喜欢看戏的自己

面对着一堆还没有看完的戏没有想要结束他们的意思

面对着一大堆要温习的科目一看到就头痛

做什么都感觉不能很投入

对生活失去了那份热情

好像都没有一样东西可以让自己爱上

没有一样东西可以让自己有兴趣

热衷生命的自己去了哪里？

无题

2011-10-09T18:12:00.000+08:00

人很努力很努力的活着
究竟为了什么？
对不起 emo了

因为刚计算完最近的预算
看着一大堆的debt
想着自己一毕业出来就是负资产
欠了一大堆的债
等着自己去还

其实以前的自己
根本就觉得没什么
还就还咯
以后的日子还不是一样
做工生活还债

但是最近越觉得压力大了
人长得越大背负的东西就越多
不能一味着专注一些自己喜欢的东西
‘身不由己’ 即使如此的现实
但是的确有时候轮不到你自己来决定

世界是如此的多姿多彩
可惜的是要做到真正的体会这世界
又有多少个能做得到呢？

A great man’s ‘great’ with his contribution and ability to change the world.

2011-10-06T18:32:00.000+08:00

How much impact to the world from Steve Jobs’s death?
How much impact to Apple in the future from Steve Jobs’s death?
How much impact to Apple users around the world from Steve Jobs’s death?
It’s pretty sad that the news all over the world today is about the great man—Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, the father of all i-series products.

For me, I don’t really know much on his story before until today he dead. I think many of us are more willing to read his story, his legend, to know more about him started from today.
Maybe his death would bring a great effect to the world, but I don’t think it will be long lasting, as he will be an history someday and many might forgot about him even today the news all around the world is about him.
But seriously what he had done, was really impressive and “He’s the man who changed the world.” His creativity, his innovative, his passion to what he loves, his wisely thought, and also ought to be an ”inspired mentor” to many of his friends and workers.

But guess what?I am not a iphone/ipad/iMac user which I am not affordable to have it. But I do have an ipod at least and iTunes is the best music player that I ever used. The day when I admired and agreed Jobs is really bright and inspired man is after I watched his speech on YouTube. That he shared 3 stories in his life to others, which everything he said, is all come from his life experiences, and had bring great impact to the people who had listened to it, and I was one of them.

His greatest quote:
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition." –Steve Jobs.

It maybe a thought that everyone could think of. It maybe a phrase that everyone can say it out through the life that they had experienced. But it’s because that came from a great man’s mouth, everything is different.

I will never forget his though on death, which I am totally agreed on.

He read a quote "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."
And with the quote, he lives for his life over the passed 40 years everyday, passionately.

He said:
“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.”

Cruel, realistic, but that’s what we all need to get through in life.

Maybe we cant really be a great man like him,
or as successful as him,
or even get through his level,
but with his spirit to taste the life differently,
like what he creates the slogan for Apple: Think differently
We are all a different APPLE in Steve Jobs’s eyes I think.

~You are an apple in everyone’s eyes~R.I.P Jobs~

Special dedicated to Steve Jobs
by Jill

小事之悟

2011-10-03T00:16:00.000+08:00

回去了怡保一趟。
终于这一个月有一个星期是可以回家的

约了几个很久不见的好友
看了一部电影喝了一顿下午茶爬了一半的山
也坐在咖啡厅听着那晚表现得不太好的驻唱
从现状聊到毕业前中学聊到去小学
可能话题还是会一直一直得不改变
但是我们却一直在变
总是说 “回想起当年啊……”
我觉得自己有点不堪入目（尤其是在小学的那段时间）

对于那段记忆其实真的很模糊
可能太不堪入目可能连自己也不敢去回想把那段记忆给suppress了
记忆中小学的自己是一个不知不扣地 introvert
现在回想起可能真的对自己很没有自信或有点自卑去了
没有人会相信现在的extrovert
以前竟然是安安静静默默无名永远不嫌出风头的胆小鬼
朋友说那样的改变是好的
我同意因为现在的自己的确是开朗多了
想必人生的经验的确可让一个人瞬间成长并在不知觉之下

尽管多么的困难人还不是一样的走了过来
If you ask me what is my plan,I will say my plan is no plan.

不要做别人的不一样做自己的主人

2011-09-25T15:45:00.000+08:00

每个人仿佛都在寻找着一种可以让人释放的方式。

我尊重言论自由

我自问自己也没有批评的资格

在适当的时候不作声是我自己面对自己认为对的事而作出的坚持

可能在某个程度上有时候是对的

但我不出声不代表我认同

我了解我知道但我也不想说出来

是因为我相信人与人之间那细微的关系能够表达一切

可能最近的自己真的是很少时间在网上和朋友聊天所谓的联络感情

但比起这一些网上的嘘寒问暖

对我来说也不来得一通电话与面对面的接触深刻与实在

可能深处远方的你们会说我并不了解

但是与你们分各两地的我也其实感受到的

自己的解决方法就是埋头苦干

每天出去忙然后带着疲惫的身躯回家

然后因为劳累而睡着这样又过了一天

每个人都有自己解决问题的方式

问题能否解决那就因人而异了

♥还是喜欢那片天空那片海♥

Full Moon Night

2011-09-22T20:07:00.000+08:00

Finally the “full moon night” had come to an end. The whole month of celebration for mid-autumn considered end too.

Really don’t know what to say besides tired and suffer all along these preparation days. I knew someone really put hard work and even their heart on it. I knew some just like passing by walking around like a child playing sand there. Fortunately, we managed to make it quite a success in a way, and I seriously need to thank friends that helped me a lot along these stress time.

Pictures not really says a thousand words sometimes. But it do captured down the memorable moment. Sometimes thing just very weak to be destroyed, but with photo, at the moment we captured, everything is there, even after it had been destroyed and no there anymore. And this is also the reason why I like photography. I like to capture down some meaningful things, events and people. Memory might be fade away, but I like whenever I look back a photo album, I will smile

Every bitter and sour time we had tasted, already changed to sweet and beautiful memory in our life. And I believe every photo might tells about me, about you, or about life. It’s just that simple.

月圆之夜，这一天，

不一定能看到完美的月亮，我是我肯定，

就算没有月亮的出现，大家还是觉得很圆满

I Love Art!

2011-09-19T00:11:00.000+08:00

I’ve think of a long time to design a logo for this blog and my future design thing. And don’t get me wrong that I want to become a designer in the future. It’s just my interest to use computer, some software to draw something. R.A.M.D.O.M.L.Y. I mean. I was not talented enough to have my very-own-special-design. But I just want something to symbolize myself, as least can put at my private side such as blogger

And I have used like a whole day to figure out how to make this thing to become better looking. And finally this it~!

With this, I can put it into my copyrighted photo, t-shirt design, and many thing else. And yes, I love peace.

I spend like a whole day play with my illustrator and also downloaded Photoshop finally.

I’ve put every photo with my copyrighted logo as watermark. Can see see that?

Oh ya forgot to talk about my Melaka one day trip. See the photo above? It is a really random and casual trip that without any packing or preparation. A road trip for two, but the whole trip for five. Again the food there always give me surprise. This time I tried nyonya dishes, durian puff, coconut milk shake, nicer sate celup, and also a very special sponge cake. Of course durian puff and coconut milk shake surprise me the most~! Even it used my half an hour just to wait for a few cups of coconut special, but I think it’s worth for it. I would certainly want to go back purposely for these food

And of course never forget the beach too The place which can see lots of kites, can ride horse, play bubbles, and for sure take lots of stupid photo (pointing to photo above**)

A trip can always help us to forget who we are and how much stress we faced in life. But what makes after a trip cruel is that we must back to reality and face whatever shit we face in life A.G.A.I.N.

I can’t believe my week is gone just like that. Next Wednesday gonna have a big event. This blog might be updated again after that.

S.T.A.Y T.U.N.E.D for more~

心淡

2011-09-16T19:45:00.000+08:00

第一次感觉到有那么浓浓的挫折感

没有了任何的动力

只是为了做事而做

为了 ‘责任’ 这两个字

失去了耐心、信心、更重要的我找不到那颗我想要继续下去的心

第一次觉得自己做的东西是那么的没有意义

意义似乎于对自己重要的

至少要让自己开心的

我不开心

记得我说过我为我所做的

只要我觉得值得我累我开心我都觉得没什么

但是这一次我真的累了又不开心

重要的是我真的知道是时候把重点放在什么地方了

只是一个很严重的错误

这也告诉了我以后真的要认真考虑自己的能力

不要一味要顾着朋友为了自己所谓的友情

默默的付出了那么多

可能毫无回报之余损失了时间金钱

更心痛的是也是我最在意的是我在乎未必代表别人在乎

做事做到如此真的是心淡了

还好明天能够到马六甲散散心

希望能够拍到能描写心情的照片po在这

如果叹气能够让自己好过些

2011-09-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

多少次打开了 window live writer

试着回想每一天发生过的趣事

因为一堆又一堆的事情缠身繁忙劳累

结果又把一天又一天的日记延迟遗忘

每天面对着空白的页面

尝试打开部落提醒自己

又有差不多几天没有更新了

其实身边发生的趣事很多

但在结束的每一天都似乎很平淡似的

没有什么特别的心情想记录着

繁忙的事情总是太多

拿着一箩有一箩沉重的包袱

总是放不下但是又怕太重

This is the first time I feel overwhelmed. Had took too much responsibilities and yet have limited strength and energy to continue all these.

如果叹气可以让自己好过些

我是否是不是无时无刻都想让自己好过一点呢？

Say ‘hello’ to ‘goodbye’

2011-09-04T01:50:00.000+08:00

I’m a person who like to fly, but I know I can’t fly.

Just like I want my freedom so much.

I always want to grab it.

And it is not far away from me.

But,

there are always things to keep me down.

To keep me in a cage.

Chained my legs and so I can’t fly.

There are always things that we don’t want it to be happened, it happened.

There are always something called “out of expectation” or “unknown” that we do not want to face.

There are sometimes, it is just that cruel, we need to face it all.

As such, “to-say-a-goodbye”.

Simple phrase, easy to say it out, but hardly to get let it down.

It is just another ordinary day, an ordinary mid-night, with an extra-ordinary mood, “The other day which need to-say-goodbye”.

习惯的离别

2011-09-02T14:49:00.000+08:00

早已习惯了离别不要说我无情冷淡

只是看透了一些事与物

没有人能紧紧抓住什么

我说就是因为有了离别

才有期待相聚的一刻

等待可能是痛苦的

但是因为难得才显得可贵

人不都是这样吗？

要稀有才有人争才会去抢

越来越少人会去想当初为了什么去抢

没有人想要了解而是为了争而争

为了得到而得到

学会珍惜可能真的是我们人生学不完的课程

早来的中秋，

可能大家都真的要各散东西了，

可能这是大家能够在今年齐聚一堂的最后一次了，

一切都不同了，

但一样的是，彼此都还珍惜着这铁一般的友情。

不好意思动粗了，

因为这就是真实的我们 =P

那几天

2011-08-21T16:36:00.000+08:00

It’s been a week I have spend my day at hospital with my mum who had just finish her second operation. Whatever the operation it is, I think it’s complicated enough and hardly to explain it here. I realize it’s really not easy to go back and forth from home to hospital everyday. It’s not easy to handle all household work by two hands. It’s not easy to take care of a sick people at hospital. Even most of it, mum had done it. And now only I realize, it’s never been easy to be a mother. Flash back how tough she had gone through when dad been sick and always need to check up at hospital, meanwhile she has to take care of 4 children and all household work. And me now, just taste a little bitter of it, I’ll complain about it. Ashamed. But I will try my best to take good care of her and this is what’s left I can do.

要知道一个女人，在背后为了一个家做了多少东西、付出了多少

就要体验，就要学会去做。

只是区区的几天，

我就完全体会到那种劳累

如果不是因为这一场天注定的不幸

我可能不知道、也体会不到那个永远在家默默撑着这个家的女人

为了这个家付出了多少。

可笑的是，就算知道了又怎样？

就算体会了又怎样？

我永远都是活在她心中的小孩

尽管我已长大，尽管我也有照顾自己的能力

还是会有习惯性地依赖

依赖着那个总是在自己面前很坚强的女人

就算几许学习独立

还是需要依靠的时候

就算多么的坚强

还是需要保护的时候

所以，以后尽管我还会继续地依赖你

但是也让我有机会好好的保护你吧

买不到的欢乐

2011-08-15T00:23:00.000+08:00

又是一个筋疲力尽的周末。这一个月一直为家里与活动来回奔跑，这得是很累。朋友问我，到底自己是为了什么要这么做？为什么要搞到自己那么得累？我说，有时候啊，我也这么地问自己，为了什么？其实为了太多东西了。有时候不是为了纯粹做而做，有时候为了朋友，为了小孩，为了社会，为了自己……付出那一点点，又在自己的能力范围，觉得对的，就去了。

并没有想太多利益与损失，如果有时间计算那么多的话，那么一直生活的定义就一直颠覆着。我告诉自己，有些东西买不到的。快乐、友谊、童真。这一切一切都是值得珍藏的回忆。绝对是无可兑换的回忆。

这次的团康欢乐营又认识一班可爱的小孩。童真，真的是有时候会让人哭笑不得。但是也因为那样的童真，让自己也顿时放下了所有琐碎的烦事，让自己尽情地融入他们，快乐打闹的过了这一天。

带着疲惫的身躯回到家，依然要帮手拍摄一个活动的宣传短片。自己可觉得了不起，但在别人的眼里，就是大忙人，没事拿事做的白痴。我没关系啊，至少我是有过快乐实在的一天，我是带着疲劳而沉睡，至少不像那种高床暖枕还要说失眠的的人，来得不一样，至少我的生活过得有意义了吧。

不要浪费青春

青春就是要拿来有意义的挥霍

如果一味觉得因某些事情阻挡自己去做某些自己想做的事，做了才算吧。

我坚信有志者，事竟成。

All about 30-Hour Famine

2011-08-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

Finally famine had came to an end after few months of hard work and preparation. What I am going to say about this event, it was totally fun and I do learnt lots of things from others. Along the preparation is a tough period. Need to go for meeting even assignment still need to do, need to go for preparation even finals is near by, need to travel back and for from hometown to meeting even it’s holiday……But we all still put our heart on it and so the hard work all worthwhile.

I still remember the day before the event. Everyone stayed back till late night around 11+pm at college. Just to make sure all the arrangement were completed. Every single detail need to be double check and make sure everything will go smooth. I am lucky that to have such a team that everyone can work together, can bear the burden and stress together.

Decoration on the board.

Program team members

We’re still energetic even tiring for preparation

And here is the completed board

The craziest & the coolest team, PROGRAM TEAM

HELP UNIVERSITY COLLEGE 30-HOUR FAMINE DIY CAMP 2011

COOLEST POSE EVER! =)

The JUMP shot~!wow~!!!

Had a photo with Athena Beh~

Everything worthwhile to keep =)

And this is our break-fast~!

It is always happy to say that I have always learn different things from camp. And this famine camp, being one of the sub-committee, I do learnt more than I can say. I was able to look at a wider perspective, specifically, it is always hard that to be one of the committee that not only need to fast with the campers for more than 30 hours, still need to do many works, need to concern about the campers, campers come first, and no matter how we still need to present our energetic face even we are tired. Some said they have grown and learnt not to waste the food after the camp, I would say, there is not only I will bring what I learnt to my life, but I will also share with my dear family and close friends, try to educate them and acknowledge all these information to everyone that we know is a more vital thing that we can do and should do.

I do feel appreciate for whoever had shown up in my life. Knew new friends again and have even stronger relationship made within the famine gang. Thanks for making my life different again.

Start doing something to change today if you know you have the ability to change.

All 3 years I had with 30-Hour Famine, what had you done?

'The 533th’ 日誌第533章

2011-08-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

Here is my real diary coming back again~

Sorry I’ve been busy for a very long time and don’t really have time to update this blog seriously. Even this post might not be too long, but I will still say something about my life recently. And YAY~!! 30HourFamine is coming back AGAIN~!!! You would not understand why I am so much into this meaningful event if you don’t happened to join me as a camper, or even a sub-committee this year~! I am so enjoyed to being one of them not only can learn lots of things but contribute a little small man-power for the big event~! And kind of busy for this event like over few months since I joined as program team sub-com. Program team kind of soul in the event and busy all the way especially right before the event day and during the event day. But I feel damn lucky to be in this group because it’s always so much fun with my teammates and even we’re the busiest, but we’re also the happiest team within the whole group

Schedule is almost full for this month especially weekend. And yes event always filled up the weekend day and make me cant work at all Anyway, perhaps I will put down the society and club thing slowly and moving to another stage by next year. Hopefully my plan goes on smoothly.

Just thinking it’s too ‘dry’ to just look at plain words in the blog these few days. Might attach more and more daily life picture to make this looked more alive! :D

Stay tuned…

I know its too small and cant even see where I am

But it’s just us, The xiaxiangren =)

My group during the camp. super very crazy XD

I am very sensitive to camera I just can say LOL

HELP girl gang

HELP gang~!!!Celebrating kaiyan’s birthday =)

And lastly that’s me with my ugly doll called “the joker”

hahahaa~don’t laugh at it since its my very first time sewing XD

不停的战斗，这就是人生

2011-08-02T01:36:00.000+08:00

人生几何，能够知足的活着？

极度忙碌的生活，到底几时才能够停止？

可能再此时，有人正在努力的为学业奋斗，有人在为生活打拼，有人在谈着盲目的恋爱，有人在为未来彷徨，有人在为梦想出发，有人正在发呆，可是我却在这，盲目地做着，认为自己想要去做的事。我不管别人如何看待，可能愚蠢，可能有志气，可能无关自己，但能受益他人，就是这样把自己每天搞得累累的，然后倒在床上睡着，这样就是我的生活。至少我觉得，自己还年轻着，至少趁自己有能力的时候，繁忙的生活着，至少每天我早上醒来都觉得那一天是充满意义的！人生总有太多的挫败，太少的成功。非常喜爱刀大的一句话：“人生就是不停的战斗！”——采自于《那一年，我们一起追的女孩》就是因为要不停的战斗，才能证明自己真真实实的活着。就是要不停的努力着，才能证明自己实实在在的存在着。

我不祈求全部人都明白。我不要求能够找到一个明白我的人。只是此时，我只想要对得起自己的心，把自己变得坚强，无论如何，庆幸原来自己还活着，就有足以为生活打拼的能力。

等待着反攻

2011-07-28T01:05:00.000+08:00

是否有过那样的念头？想着平凡的过着简单的生活就行了

单纯的做着自己想要做的东西就可以了

但事实是要简单要单纯回到自己最初的想法前

总要经过一段很复杂很崎岖的过程与路途

没有人想着做自己不想要做的事

没有人想要一些不好的事情发生在自己身上

但是事实有时就是如此的残酷

现在没有反驳的机会　不代表以后没有

现在没有那样的能力　不代表以后没有

有太多的事情要考量了

立场　有时候可能不一

但是如果那么就轻易放弃

那么是不是也应该放弃本身的价值观？

放弃原有设定的目标与梦想？

现在不能去做　没关系

等待不代表放弃

只是在等待着一个时机　去反驳

驳回一切的不公

生活的态度　只是似乎你自己如何去看待

Touch your heart and ask yourself, is this the attitude you want for your life?

Keep going on

2011-07-21T00:52:00.000+08:00

Busy till I don’t even have time to really think of what had happened for the end of the day. For the time I free, my mind still thinking on '”what else I have not do?” “what else I need to do?” and “what else is still waiting for me to do?” It’s like everyday my mind cant really stop thinking on this aside sleeping. I don’t really have time to take good rest, and too many things to worry and take care of. Things are always gone uncontrolled and overload. But still I need to overcome all this by myself. I do understand sometimes we are just helpless. I mean maybe lack of luck. Maybe we are not putting enough efforts. Or maybe we should do more things to change whatever we want to change. Or maybe just wait, to wait for certain important moment, to be changed.

Many people said I am so busy body. Yes I am. But still I have time to sleep, time to enjoy, and time to do things that I like to do. I just enjoy whatever I do now, it’s just that simple yet hardly to understand. =)

有些是并不是想象中那么差，还在努力的学习着反方向思考

The self

2011-07-14T02:06:00.000+08:00

Just because we experienced different situation, you cant expect me to have same thinking like you too. I want to be success, I want to hit my target, I want to get what I want to get, I want to have my own life too. But the fact is, not everyone is the same. We are same human but with different fate and destiny. We all have brain but just with different thinking, mindset and perception. And this is us. What make us different is we are who we are. Sometimes we still cant get through the reality we are facing or acknowledging now. Yes, we always know and understand. But will we perhaps do something for it to make a change? It’s damn hard I tell you. Because we always need to be good in front of everyone, mind to introduce some psychological terms, we are all human being that always put self presentation at first and also look after our public self awareness. Just because be are so care about what others think about us, we stuck, we stunt, and we just want to protect our self-esteem. Whatever we mind is our SELF.

We could never neglect this is what society have told us. To being selfish, being care for yourselves and look after yourselves first before you have the ability to look for others, and if you happened not able to help yourselves or whoever that you love at the first place, you are just a failure and how could you really help the others?

Perhaps this is just my thoughts and mindset that I must have the ability to protect myself first,then my family and friends, and finally only come to strangers maybe. But of course I was not doing this stage by stage, and there is no stage for me. As what I am doing now, making all these working at the same time. I will just help with my all ability that I have. But to maintain all things to work, I must protect my SELF regardless of anything else.

No I have no choice but moving on now. Seeing barriers and overcome barrier by barrier. Solving problem by problem. It’s because I believe “when there’s a will, there’s a way~” It’s always motivate me whenever I get depressed or being passive. I have no reason to give up but continue with my life and this is what I will be going through. Stayed strong =)

Nothing to be disgraced

2011-07-12T01:58:00.000+08:00

I don’t really understand how she had gone through all these. I tried to understand as a daughter. You would not know how these feeling was until you heard your mum said:”I really think of what will happen to this family if I was gone.” How important she was in the family? I cant really answer. Pretty important? Extremely important? I would not say I cant live without her, but I do feel very very bad and damn hurt even she just say that to me and I imagined a world without her for more than few seconds.

And now things turned out badly after the surgery. She might need to do another one. I just felt angry about that, irresponsible doctor, careless, or whatever bullshit hangover effect~!!!! Seeing how strong and tough she still can be, I just don’t know what else can I do as a daughter. I don’t really understand what she felt, even I know how irritated she was, as much as I can feel and experience now, but I just cant do anything to reduce her irritation thoughts and worries. Even I have tears rolling inside my eyes when she talking with me, I still cant let her see my weaknesses and worried, as she might cry alone at night when I was not there too.

Useless huh? I just always the one who have minor contributions in the family and even I am the one knowing the most and studied until the highest level in the family. What bullshit I have studied and cant even help my own family?Sorry if I did disappointed you all, and I am really not that good enough.

Now is a critical period we must gone through together. I know there is nothing much I could do now but at least I have steps for it. Solving problems one by one as usual. Life is full with challenges and barriers right? We just can walk through it with smile =)

*pray that everything is going alright* (I don’t really have faith for anything else aside myself, but when things come to helplessness, we cant not to change our mind and look for some beliefs to lay on.)

One thing that I still feel grateful and thankful that I still have friends that always give useful advises and necessary support for me when I need it. Thanks for everything friends =)

If you could live on more day in life

2011-07-06T01:31:00.000+08:00

Just read a blog written by a girl from JB and how strong she stayed up and yet fragile to fight against cancer, fight for her life.

I just shared it crazily on Facebook, Twitter, Plurk or even here, every social network that I connect to.

Here is her blog -- http://dancingpapercranes.blogspot.com/

And I think this is what I could do now perhaps, give her mentally support or just doing some simply thing as what a human being should do.

Would you noticed that whenever you shared something with people, a stranger, people will doubt “Is that true?” or “It does not really related to me” “Why should I care for this?” so forth. And they will back to their story on how pity or how fucking life they had. I am not meant to blame or angry about the selfish people as we are all selfish people. I do understand we all are, included me. I was just so useless to talk and share here by doing nothing really can help her directly. I felt ashamed as I am 20 now, sometimes still complaining about life and wanted so much in life. But this girl, what she wanted so much now is just a healthy body. A body that she can do whatever simple things that we normally can do.

Empathy do attack me. Seriously I wanted to help this girl so much but I just found out I cant really do anything by myself. I mean people will say “How many people you could actually help as she is just one of the portion of people who are fighting for cancer? and what you going to do? Like expose her to public? Will she wanted this to happen?” It’s all unknown. And I cant really answer all these questions. Yes we did maybe feel so touched and sad sometimes whenever we saw her post and saw how strong she are and might be emotional sometimes when things getting out of control. Still we cant really help.

But what I would do is reading her blog everyday to keep remind myself how grateful I am that I still can breath everyday when I wake up and still can see things around, listen to whatever noise or sound, making noise or sound myself, smell the fresh air, able to walk to bathroom and brush my teeth everyday in the morning. Would that be sounded not-so-bad at least? That’s the reality and harsh thing that not every people can do it. I was impressed for a 18 years old girl can think like that. Not many could do that as if for me, I will tend to think optimistically but I rather die if I want to suffer so much in life. But she is just so different that she could foresee the reality and able to cope with the reality. I think those experiences taught her a lot, on how to survive at this society, in this complicated world.

I asked myself a question, what would I do if I have one more day in life? I cant really answer this question until when I really experience it and forced to face it. But I do appreciate the time that I have now. Doing things that I think I should do, and things that I like to do, as there is no tomorrow for me. Cheer for this girl—Leonie. I might not a prayer for you but I do hope everything going fine for you and will go and check for your updates often. And I will stay up for life doing my usual stuffs like sharing those stories that can evoke some deep thinking and inspiration in life.

Be grateful, be cheerful

志

2011-07-02T01:05:00.000+08:00

我不需要为别人交代，只需为自己、家人、朋友和我所关心的人付出真心。

有很多时候都觉得自己好像在做些什么坏事，也其实说不上什么，只是放出一个平台，让大家都同等的机会走上去。

不想说多什么，只想把需要想的，留给你自己去想象。要与不要只是一字相差。只是看你自己要不要去做，要不要的实行自己的计划、与所谓的梦想。

经常在发梦，发了多久的梦，也应该醒来的吧。

没有时间再让自己去发梦了，背负的太多。只是觉得感动，因为那句话：“你还是个学生，还没有那个能力~”

是，或许我不必想太多，安安分分的读好我的书，毕业、工作、有能力给钱你、嫁人。或许这就是你人生的定义。

但是我要的不是这些。我所谓的人生，是很有生命力的。有能力自己承担自己的一切、更有能力去帮助家人、才到社会。只想做自己喜欢做的事，但在这之前，必须付出代价。等价交换的原则，在这现实的社会一直都没有变过

谁不希望生出来就要风得风，要雨得雨？如果我得雨生俱来的一个人，我可以比较简单，活着的意义可能不会那么的沉重，但至少也要有意思。

这份志气，不是遗传，不是基因，只是现实教会了我，有时候在必不得已时，没有什么事其实难得到你。有志者事竟成！=)

It’s hurt.

2011-06-24T20:09:00.000+08:00

I know there will be always problem if we did not bring the issue up and have a talk about it. And end up with cold respond and even less conversation between all of us. Should I put initiative on this? Or is that a girl’s job to have a beginning on the talk? Or should I always be the bad one so I should put this on and end up you hate me. I don’t know. Perhaps I am tired with it. We are tired with it. You could have thousand reason or excuses if I blame this on you. But the main point is I don’t meant to blame. I just want to bring this up and at least we need some talk about it. I don’t meant to break our friendship. I don’t meant to talk to you as I scare I might come out something that hurt you and I know my don’t-want-to-talk-to-you-face maybe had hurt you?(or you not really care at all?) Anyway, I did want to talk to you all and I just hardly to find a chance or a very good timing. And every time I feel so bad when I don’t feel to talk, act cold but still need to act-like-nothing-happened. Suffering as how much I was taking this so serious and maybe this is just nothing for you(perhaps I am nothing for you). And every time I have conversation with myself. I tell myself to calm, to forgo, to forgive and to forget everything that ruined our friendship. But every time I feel very tired as I did not really get respect, or any present appreciation from you all. I just feel so disappointed that I do not really worth in your eyes except for certain work and entertainment. I do not really know what is in your mind. Maybe I will get rebut aggressively from you if I tell you this. But look through what had you did and think deeply, did you really taken care of this? Even I have asking myself more than 10times and always argue with my inner angel and demon, I still cant really get it solved.

I just feel to blame myself taking this too serious until I get hurt. And that’s why I scare to have close relationship with people because I will easily get hurt. Perhaps I should let it go and concentrate on what I should do now. And I know every time I said this to myself, I just want to escape from problems and it will remain unsolved. Sorry. I just want to say, I am a coward.

如果有一天，我不在了，你们会不会想起我？

至少我心目中，我觉得会想我的人只有那几个，又或许会被偶尔想起。

人就是那么的善忘，与其我说善忘，不如说没有被想念的价值。

你说人总是要往前看，不要被那些不好的回忆牵涉，让自己脚部变慢。

我说如果那个人、那件事，是有值得被记得、被想起的价值，以前就变得不一样了。你就会说，我就是忘不了，我控制不到自己。

人，总是有千千万万个借口为自己争辩。

而我没有要和你争辩的意思了，因为一切已失去了意义，失去了价值。

Grateful for every second you breath

2011-06-19T22:29:00.000+08:00

It’s since a week I din update my blog. And actually I have the time to write once or twice in a week, but sometimes I just no mood to do it. Feel so want to speak out something or throw out something to someone, or perhaps in the blog, but I failed. Failed as in too many things to concern and taking care, not only personal feeling, but I do care other peoples’ feeling too. Whenever I want to say something bad, I will think twice. So, you cant really blame me for not writing for one whole week because I really have this motivation to blog, but every time will end up with save in draft or delete everything that I have wrote.

Lucky that I still have mum with me. She will just support me whenever I feel so down and need some spiritual guidance. She will not decide or lead me to the right track, but let me get into my road on my own. I do appreciate this kind of parenting. Without any stress, and at least not decisive or pampering me just like a kid. And today is father’s day. I called mum and told her “Happy Father’s day!” She laughed and said “So lui~because I am both father and mother right?” Yes, you are. Since when you took both this responsibilities on you? And there is nothing more I could say to replace your love. And thanks for everything.

Can be a thoughtful human being is not a chance, but with your love, I made it.

“Happy Father’s day” Grateful to every parents that brought up the children. I just want to put my special thanks for my mum =)

20

2011-06-07T17:26:00.000+08:00

20岁了我告诉自己我要尽快脱离‘还要妈妈每个月寄钱给我’的日子

20岁了我告诉自己等我我会告诉你不用再为我烦了我会寄回钱给你

20岁了我告诉自己我需要一些改变改变一些坚持很久的想法

20岁了我告诉自己要为自己的年轻岁月写一段精彩的故事

20岁了我告诉自己要拼了当我还有精力与‘本钱’的时候

20岁有能力的人已经是百万富翁了

就在这个黄金时期

有些人可能还在荒废着学业有些人可能在为生活打拼有些人可能努力为家庭打造最舒适的生活有些人更可能还在迷失了自己方向似的没有人生的目标

我没有要求自己能够有出息

我没有要求自己要像其他有大志的人一样

我没有要求自己要变成百万富翁

但是至少我为自己的人生设下了目标

我不祈求这一刻我能做出什么改变

但我正在努力努力去改变一切自己觉得需要改变的事情

改变要踏出第一步

机会不一定常有

没有人能保证下一刻会发生什么事

惟有阔出去了

才能真正地看清楚外面的世界

Searching for a way out

2011-06-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

I do not know what I was doing recently. Feel kind of lost. Lost in everything and don’t know what I was or am doing for. A little bit depressed especially receiving stress from everywhere…No matter family,study,work or even friends. Maybe this is the time, a testing time in my life. Testing for my patient, my attitude, my persistency, and I know I must be strong enough to encounter all these tests. No one is perfect enough to perform The Best in all these tests. Perhaps I know that I would not be have high score in all of it. Maybe I just need a pass for it.

Human is really an incredible being. There are such a lot of things we need to deal with everyday, but still we able to cope with it and no matter how, we must have a way for it. Life, it is such a short term, but carry lots of meaning. We will never know what stage you are going into next. Like my stage, people said it’s young adulthood, I say it was a mixture of stages in life, or can I say it is undefined? And this is my life, even I am not so clear about what I am doing now, but I know what I am going to do.

Friends always say I was thinking too much. “yes I am.But who can did it as every seconds your brain would not stop working as you alive.”

Friends always tell me to take it easy. “could you do so?”

Yes. How much I wish I could stop thinking and planning for every step that I walked through? IF life isn’t all about gambling. IF we can put on our life and guarantee for winning. And IF we can really control OUR LIFE. And this is not the first day of our lesson, we should learn from that. Is that all I want to complaining about my life? I am not complaining actually. I just want to make myself clear that no matter how things going on, how good or bad it is, I still need to make a step forward because this is where the life process going on. Chill and I will be alright

Filial,it’s now. 孝顺，要及时。

2011-05-26T23:03:00.000+08:00

这是我们从小到大学的道理，为什么有时候要长大了，体会了，才会懂？

有些人甚至要等到体验了，后悔了，但是却发觉一切已来不及了……

知道自己为了学会，为了别人，为了自己，为了活动，可以有多忙。但却渐渐发觉自己却没有把时间安排给家人。尤其是妈妈打来问我几时的空可以回去陪她看医生，却打开了画满圈圈时间表，我斟酌了许会，才心虚的答道，有考试、有功课、有活动要忙。看看了这一切的东西，才发觉所有事情不是为了自己，就是为了别人的活动。自己到底为了这个家付出了多少？到底曾为了妈妈付出过什么？只是一点点要求，我都做不到，我这个女儿可以丢掉了。

我没有说自己是真的很孝顺。也没有说听父母的话，就是孝顺的人。但是至少我觉得在他们需要我们的时候，身为子女的，是不是应该陪在他们的身边，就算帮不到什么忙，也至少能够给与他们精神上的支持。你甚至可以想象一下就好像我们有难的时候，是不是第一个就会想起他们，是不是很希望他们在我们的身边呢？其实我们都是自私的。只一直希望受到关爱，受到保护，觉得一切都是应分的，他们应该做的。但是他们其实可以停止养育，停止对我们一切的保护，甚至不管我们。想一下我也活到了20岁了。在这19个年里头，如果没有了妈妈，我到底算什么？我真的无法想像。

是她，养活我这个人。是她，教我如何做人。也是她，教会我如何对待人。

如果我还不会想，还那么的自私，我还算是人吗？其实话说得有点严重的。我只是想认真地对待，‘孝顺’这两个字。自我反省或发人深省都好，不但要明白了之中的道理与意思，当然行动还是最实际。所以也突然做出决定要回去一趟，就算再忙、再累都好，付出那么一点点算得了什么。无论如何，决定了要做的事情，还会坚持下去，我相信一切会过去的

There are many things a grown up should do. Perhaps now, for me, filial, is the most important thing for me to do. It does not show our maturity, but I just do what a HUMAN needs to do. =)

遗忘

2011-05-23T00:48:00.000+08:00

有多久了没有记录生活的点滴？

有多久了没有细诉自己的每一天的喜怒哀乐？

有多久了没有时间静静坐下来，认真地想一下今天过得如何？

有多久没有好好地想一下，或停下来，问一下自己：“是否该回家了？”

我不需告诉别人，自己的生活过得有多么的精彩，多么的充实。就在办着很多很有意义的活动，忙碌的把快乐带给别人与自己的同时，我遗失了很多与家人相聚的时间。有时候那一些快乐，会让人盲目，有些诱惑，会让人迷途。就像上了瘾一样，不由自主地找寻乐趣，只要觉得开心、好玩，就丧失了理智。其实也不至于丧失那么严重，只是有时候年轻的岁月就是可以很疯狂。因为在别人认为大学生活很烦躁或很纳闷的时候，你可以大大声地对他们说：“大学生活就是疯狂的岁月！青春的痕迹！你就是可以在这段不长不短的时期放胆的放肆、放胆的燃烧、放胆的体验生活！”

总是付出的太多，得到的却觉得永远都不够。人，总是贪婪，只一味的为自己争取更多，却不肯付出多那么一点点。自私，是人的本性。说到大爱，自己真的是远远不及那个阶段。只是觉得有时候，能够付出那么一点点，就算那么微渺，只要抱着诚恳的心，坚持的信念一定能够达成。

是时候好好的从新管理一下自己。时间也好，态度也好，重整观念与想法都好。总觉得好像缺乏了些制度与界限。放肆也需要有限度的。至少定时休息，是我现在最需要的。=)

Sentiment

2011-05-21T01:14:00.000+08:00

Things are getting overwhelmed. I have no confidence anymore that I could or able to cope with all these things at once, which I am not good with it. Still feeling down even I have told my friends and get some consultation from them. I am totally screwed up. Just feeling tired at this moment, as there are just too many things are waiting for me to deal with. I know that I could solve it and get it done step by step one day and there are always solutions for every trouble or matters. But we human being just hardly to let go on something that we are holding on it. Because when we know we are holding on it, means we still have it, chances are it’s still belonging to us. But what if, we put it down or let it go? Does it matter a lot? I think it twice. Being happy, is always matter. Just because of that, I had a bad habit on turning down people when I start off on some jobs, and I cant hold it long because I just think that I am not happy with it, no matter how much you paid me. Happiness is always the main concern. Frankly, I cant imagine how I am going to get my permanent job after I graduate, since I am so skeptical and picky in selecting job that I like. I don’t know. Perhaps I would like to give a try. Try as in maybe I have a chance to commit myself in a job, take my responsibilities at least. No matter how, I think I need to get back my motivation in doing all these things. To make my life different and beautiful and excited. If not, like everyone else, waiting for the end of the day, and end up with doing nothing. I just don’t want to be ordinary people like that. Give me a break and I will be back. =)

再难的生活也要笑着过

2011-05-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

有时候生活很简单，几句笑话竟然可以笑很久。

可庆幸最近的心情，因为一些玩得很开的朋友，变得开朗。

也因为忙碌，一些不开心的事情，很容易就被盖过去了。

隐隐的忧伤，又有谁知道？

忙碌的城市，有谁愿意停下来，留意身边所发生的琐事？

可喜的是自己很容易快乐，自己很会去寻找快乐。

不喜欢让不愉快的心情缠着自己，不喜欢别人被自己的心情给影响。

让伤心自己担就算多么的艰难

拿别人来开玩笑让自己的快乐建立在别人的痛苦上是不好

那似乎人到底能不能承受玩笑的程度

但是到最后觉得有点过分了才慢慢的醒觉

舒美~对不起啦~希望你真的不要生气哦 =)

今天是在日本的朱朱生日噢~

当然要在这更你说声“生日快乐”先啦~

今天没听你发到牢骚要你听我的 sorry~

当然希望你开心快乐

无论在哪里我们还在这里

要什么生日礼物？？先欠着你ok吗？哈哈~你回来再跟我要看我记不记得~

I dunno what else to say since there was no way I can contact u now.Maybe will try to skype with you tmr?

Let’s receive this ‘gift’ first.

“If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me.” That is what a best friend mean.

Just hope you are doing fine always and I will always here to listen to u =)

Just to u =)

A week just like a year

2011-05-15T17:32:00.000+08:00

Don’t misunderstanding this title above. It does not mean that it was a long long week, but just too many things happened at once and looked like over one year already. And yes, many things could be happened in a week. This so called holiday coming to an end since I back KL. There were lots of meetings going on this week and I just back from Bentong,Pahang because of Project C. It was a project under COS. Doing some activities for the primary and secondary students at two different schools. We were happy to see the children are so happy there. I hope they have learned something even the time we were spending there were very short. I myself have learned and experienced many different things too.

I realized EDUCATION really takes a very long period of time in order to success. It is just not a five hours or one day thing. It might influence some of their thoughts. But we really need to take a lot of effort and patient to do all these things. Enthusiasm and passion are needed. I just felt amaze to see there are still teachers that have passion and heart to teach every student, IS EVERY STUDENT,no matter they are good or bad. We have just so small compared to their BIG HEART~If there are lot more teachers like that at every school, I think there will be less students involve in bully case or criminal or whatever social problems. At least they will try to be a good citizen, good son or daughter, or a good student, with appropriate behavior even their academic performance are not good enough.

For friends that joined this project, I just want to thank them for being part of this and take serious of the awareness on education for the children today. If there are more good people who are not selfish and always willing to help others, the world would better. At least I think no matter how busy I am, how tired I am, I have spend my time wisely and meaningfully.

Next week will be entered year two. Upgrade to become a senior, the feeling is weird as you will lots of questions from juniors as I will ask lots from my seniors too. The questions were cute, and I don’t know want to say they are cute or what. But I was glad to share my experiences with them as well as guiding them along, just like what my seniors did to me

This newly year and first semester timetable is totally sucks. No body will like it I think. Just the best thing was “It-is-just-a-SHORT-SEMESTER” Pheww~Still, there are lots of things waiting for me to do. I was once felt burden and wanted to give up on something, but I will still try my best to complete my responsibilities as I promised. I hope I could maintain and keep my promise for my academic performance too just like what always keep for my clubs. It’s second year! Should have put more effort on my study since things will be tougher and important for honor calculation. Hope I can balance for both clubs things and study.

很明显事情的发生的确能够考验人与人之间的感情。无论什么都好，我只想做好自己的本分，至少令自己开心，希望把正能量带给身边的所有人

Project C members with 2 teacher in the middle.

Bonding session at waterfall after the project!

That’s my life. Filled with wonderfulness and happiness.

What is yours? Choose yourselves.

Disappointment

2011-05-10T01:47:00.000+08:00

It just happened. I mean I never expected it to be happened. At least not involved people that I love. But it just happened like this and sadly I cant really accept it. As part of it. I am so disappointed with you. Even I had proud of you before. Even I was so happy to have you before. It was and now no more. You have no image at all and hardly to gain respect from me anymore. I cant say ever, to hate you, you are not deserved it for me to even care of. Because you did not treat me like what I was treating you. You are letting me down. And it was fine for me. I was disappointed and angry as you are letting the one that I love down too. YOU ARE DESPERATELY NOT DESERVED IT~!The care, and love from her, BECAUSE YOU NEVER APPRECIATE IT! You never aware that there are so much things you own now and you think it’s all come from you efforts ONLY. Fuck you if you think like that. You sucked up as a grown up. You fucked up as a human. You screwed your own life.

Things are just out of control. Maybe this can be your excuse. But it never work for me because I believe if you have mind and think like a human being, it all would not happened. Everyone was thinking why you turn out to be that?Why I have such a 'you’ like that? I really don’t know how to face you at all. If I have a chance to meet you next time. Should I talk to you? Blame you? Scold you? Or slap you? No. I think I would not do anything. Because you will just losing everything including my care for you. Everything is useless as everything you are doing now is hurting everyone that close to you. We are speechless. Nothing to say about anymore since you are so “CLEVER” like can solve everything yourselves, you said like very simple. AND I WILL SEE HOW YOU DO IT AND SOLVE IT.

I knew I still cant let it down easily since I care of you so much. And you will never know it. You are just so selfish and live in your own beautiful world. Make sure once you get in, and never come out, so you will never regret for what you are doing. Or else, please get out NOW~!

*sigh-ing* Please forgive me to do that again since someone told me it was bad. I just think that beside sighing I don’t know what else I could do. At least it can clam down myself. I think I will accept it one day. Since the one love you so much could accept it and still love you. She is just so amazing but you will never realize how precious it is. Because you have lost. Lost in some wonderland. Only you yourselves can rescue yourselves out there.

很久没有试过那么认真，真正去对待一件事。你成功了。把平静的一切搞得翻云覆雨。你可以不爱惜你自己。不爱惜别人。不把人和事当一回事。玩世不恭。当时你亏待了对你好的人。爱你的人。虽然你不值得。有一些是不变的事实。我必须接受，无论那是多么的荒谬无耻不人道。我不能阻止你做的一切。只想一心一意做好自己，不让你伤害我爱的人，尽管你不懂得如何去爱人。

有些事是需要自己去领悟的。

从没想过那些电视剧情节会发生在自己身上。原来当你很不开心时，偏偏那些曾有过的美好且快乐的回忆真的会一幕幕的浮现。

又是一个控制不了思绪的一个晚上。很累。

尽管一滴雨都没有下犹如干旱，今晚的心情却是如此晴天霹雳

There are something ever important in my life called family & friends.

2011-05-08T18:57:00.000+08:00

One week passed at a light speed. I am damn enjoying this holiday, though sometimes outing with family(with lots of kids) like having war, sometimes headache like hell when listen to the babies non-stop crying. I do enjoy when I had my own time out with my lovely friends, talking like an idiot to a baby that smiling at me, had precious time with family, really had bed time talking with mum, I think that’s is why I love my life here so much.

Last time gathering with my lovely secondary schoolmates was on Friday night. Around 11 people were there. A small gathering indeed, but we enjoyed it so much for the night. Chit chatting back to our old school time, viewed back our slideshow and photos, we called it memories that can never get back in University life. And I called this strong and real friendship existed in the world, in fact it’s incredibly happened in me.

“The Friendship”

~挚·友~

Now my family turns. And nothing more important than my only MUM~

我知道有些事情只要你知道就好了。不需大肆喧嚷你有多伟大、我有多爱你之类的。越大越觉得我不需要做给别人看，只要你知道就足够了。对，只要你开心就好了=)

好不容易拉着妈妈拍了不懂第几个母亲节的第一张合照。

这是在新年拍的，最美的一张，你笑得很真、很灿烂。

心血来潮和姐姐拍的，拍了很多张，她说没有一张美，我说美不美不是重点，感觉上很warm~

很喜欢这张照片，并不是因为那讨人厌的‘衰仔’，是那流露出来的笑容，很自然、很真。

接下来是给两位不在家的哥哥的。

“本是同根生，相煎何太急”我不懂那些争吵有什么意义。或许大家都是自私的，就算是血脉相连，血浓于水的，大家还不是一个个只是每次发生事情就先想着自己的个体。我做不出，对于亲人，可能个性真的遗传了妈妈，很心软，没办法，自己的立场就是不喜欢为了些小事情而搞得大家不开心的，既然是这样，我宁愿自己啃了，就这样。不希望说太多，大家都是大人了，会不会想轮不到我来说，也没有资格说，有些东西是要自己去领会的。

我可以是个很简单的人。拥有简单的生活，简单的爱，来自家人、朋友就足够了。就算是很简单的一件事我就可以笑了。你可以说我笑点很低，但我就是很容易开心的人。我知道所谓的简单来得一点都不容易。‘没那么简单’，黄小琥都在唱。生活有时候并不是我们想象中那么简单。尤其是牵涉到自己私人利益冲突的时候，一切都变得不简单了。

这就是简单的人类。思想简单的人类。

我只想说今晚的思绪其实有点凌乱。开心的心情其实又很简单的被一些事情给影响了。我管不了这么多，只管做好自己的本分，一个女儿，一个妹妹，一个姑姑/阿姨，一个好朋友，什么角色都好。

不管你在想些什么、做些什么，当你看着的时候，希望能够反思一下，自己的角色，到底有没有演好？到底有没有把这人生的舞台给毁了？就算没有观众，也要尽自己的全力去做到最好，因为这是属于你自己的舞台。

The Past·And now we grown up·当我们小时候

2011-05-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

Finally brother and his wife go back to Singapore. These few days were just plainly family days, being a good girl,not going out with friends, more or less, because have many family outing. I do enjoy to out with family too, aside from the troublesome children crying around and nothing much I could do beside eating. And yea, brother came back for wedding’s photo shooting. People said “the most beautiful moment in your life would be the day you are getting married.” I agree with that.

This will be the most beautiful moment in their life.

Precious moment in my family =]

Because of this little handsome boy here, I found back lots of my childhood photo, as well as my siblings one

He is damn cute and adorable, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE IS NOT CRYING~! LOL~

Here will be my comparison between little Justin and me.He is very much look like the baby me…

Here is ME~!!Cute?hahaha….

I am quite proud of myself when I was young

Even I know now was not that good looking,but still I ‘ve been cute.

That’s enough~!=D

Left one was my sister with her bee’s clothes XD

Right one was me, playing and biting my little buddy donald duck XD

Right one was the four sisters brothers in my family. The tallest should be my eldest brother,followed by my another brother and sister, the one who sat on the baby car was me, the youngest in the family.

In fact, I am a quite ‘ss’ person. “Syok sendiri”. This is a the way how I improve my self-esteem.Haha. Anyway, go back to my topic. Friends that are not close to me, are very hardly to see any of this photo. But friends who are close to me, and had come to my house before, I am damn sure all these photo were not strange to you.

This is my childhood. This is what I want to blog about today. Since 20 years I living in this world. I had never realize that I had such an amazing childhood. I was not alone since I was born. I had my brothers and sister to play with me, to take care of me. I even had a doll that was same height and size, to play with me. I took lots of photo. Mum likes to keep me neat and cute in front of the camera.

I think everyone should have a moment like this before during your childhood. There must be something belongs to you and your family, to make it special in between the relationship and the bond with you and your family. As I believe so. Everyone should had a memorable childhood, no matter happy or not, just believe your parent are always trying to give everything to you as a child, even until now I believe so. It is so true if you look carefully in your life. Glance through it and never missed a moment that you had laughed and smile when your parents looked at you. Appreciate it if you missed it =)

岁月过得如此的仓促

昔日的照片已不再光亮

照片中的小孩

如今也长大了

结婚的结婚

出外工作的工作

读书的读书

妈妈也变成婆婆，嫲嫲的说

家里添了不少人

有生气了

可不变的

我们依然是和蔼的一家人

Fed up

2011-04-30T00:34:00.000+08:00

Again, there is no one I can turn to for this late night, so here I am. To throw something on this site. Suppose to be a happy,enjoyable day since have gone out with long-time-no-see friends…But received lots of bad news about cancel for this and that made my plans gone. Alright, it is not only one of it,but most. I would say is it a cancellation day? I am screwed up! Can you imagine the feeling when you see bad news by bad news as you reading the emails? You wouldn’t want to feel it because it is just feel bad,so bad~ Like all your planning gone…and you don’t know what to do next to plan it again. Mind left blank. I do not hate for the cancellation but please don’t do it in the last minute. I could even forgive about the cancellation due to valid reason, but why should it happened for all plans at the same time? Sigh. For nothing. Nothing I got. Feel unhappy but what should I do? Shouldn’t blame on anyone because they have their own reason too. Should blame on myself because I should have backup plan for everything else? There are lots of alternatives. Or I could even just stay alone for everything and just enjoy my holiday at hometown. Like I messed up the thing myself.

Should have understand what is out of expectation. Should have understand planning always screw up because of changes. Should know that no point to angry or feel disappointment about everything, especially something that no one want it to happen. I try to understand. Please just let me voice out my unhappiness here. Just need to clam down myself in this weird way. Perhaps it just make me feel better.

A long~~~~~SIGH~~~~~~~

Take a deep breath……

That’s it. Still gonna back my hometown tomorrow. I AM FINE. =)

念

2011-04-26T02:11:00.000+08:00

半夜，总是不想那么快入眠。

夜越深越静时脑袋就越清晰

在想些什么？

还不是希望把看过的戏整理自己的思绪

很喜欢很写实的戏

因为越接近社会越觉得有东西需要反思

人活着是不是要自己把自己的故事给写完?

对自己写自己的故事

故事要怎么去发展由你自己去决定

有时候生活在社会的枷锁人人往往会说没有的选择

但是选择多得是呢

是看你自己要怎么去选怎么去做怎么去写你自己的故事

是否到底是真的无法去改变？

还是个未知数

信念是一个想法一个很自我的意念

不管生活在怎么我可能改变不了那繁类种种的个案

我只是很努力的活着至少多我一分意念

尽我能力去把社会不好的一面慢慢的修补

就算那么的一丁点我也觉得活着不仅仅是呼吸着

I miss those days.

2011-04-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

Oh yesterday was so fun. The story began when Ms. Chee Winnie(thank me for mention u here…LOL) tagged us in a post, and ask us to add one of our Malay teachers during Form 2/3, which I also forgot since so long time. And we started our gossips at her post.

See her post also reached 41 comments.

And as what I mentioned in my post in our private chat room, those gossips were too obvious and sensitive, so I started on the topic again in our chat room. The PRIVATE one of course

This is the result that I get since yesterday night. These particular post reached 100 comments within 20 minutes. (see my friends are all so active at FB ~.~) This 187 comments keep on increasing until now, when I am blogging, yes NOW, it have reached 194 comments. (Don’t mind me keep track on it, since this number is amazing and meaningful for us. =))

It was so amazing to say, being with them is just so great. Till I nearly forget, I have an exam for today. Supposed to study, but end up with jokes and gossips about the past. Yes, we all miss the past. The time where we are all had crazy memories together. Ponteng class, playing around, making jokes and nicknames for the teachers. I liked what Winnie said “SMKM without us = no fun” Totally support man~! Haha~! The school is the place we had so much fun there, regardless the teachers like it or not, we just being ourselves there. But we all know, the teachers are missing us =P

Too much past to talk about, as we shared too much memories together. If we sit down, have a cup of tea and talk about it, we can spend a whole day long for it. The best thing was, not that we had great lame jokes, not that we making fun with all the teachers, but I saw REAL FRIENDSHIP, we do appreciate each other, though we are far apart, we hardly to meet each other once in a blue moon, we still can have that long long conversation, no matter in what form.

I know we can never had time get back to the past. But I just want to tell you all, even tell the world that, I JUST LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH~! And I Miss every single moment that we had spend together.

Another thing that makes me feel more warmth is that I saw friends really blogged in a sense that we(as friends) are chasing and looking for their updates. And yes, I will be the first one hand up, since I am a crazy blog walker, but only primarily for friends’ blog =X I am WATCHING YOU too as you are watching me now. haha.

So this is end of my day? Wanted to recommend some nice movies. I just cant help and like to download movies whenever exam is around. Don’t ask me why, I just felt to do so =( Maybe some intrinsic motivation initiates me when I was stress, and so wanted to enjoy after exam? =P

Watched recently- No string attached (2011), by Natalie Portman, the one I was so into after “Black Swan”, she is amazing. Another on-going downloading movie called “The other woman(2009)”, acted by her also, HD version, NICE =D Another movie that I just watched today, 127hours (2011). I have it in HD version too. I was just too excited to see those high definition thing already~!!! Yet, this is also another inspiring movie, if you feel to give up on something, watch it. A Thailand movie “初恋这件小事(2010)” or“The little first love”(I translated myself), quite a nice and fun movie to share. First Thailand movie in kind of love story based that I ever watched, now only I know Thailand wasn’t just good in ghost and scary movies, but they can make good love story too. Most importantly, the main characters are leng zai leng lui~LOL. They don’t look very “Thai”, but more to a mixed =S

Enjoyed it and feel free to get it from me =D

沉

2011-04-18T19:13:00.000+08:00

总在面对考试时，终于感觉到，时间不够了，有太多东西要做了，时间总是不够拿来温习。是自己太忙了，还是自己时间管理有问题？大多数都是后者。我不觉得有时候接太多东西，忙到没有时间吃饭或睡觉。至少我觉得生活是充实的，是开心的。

对，这个学期，就要这么过去了。悄悄的，我好像还没来得及看到自己学到什么新东西。但是课外的东西，可就不同了。接下了华文学会，刚进了饥饿三十筹委，这一年会把自己弄得比上一年更忙吧……疯狂的，活着我的岁月

会尽量，吸收所有东西，就像在书本上学不到的，我会更用心去体会。

体验着、细心的品味着，生活的点点滴滴。有时候会烦躁，有时候会为了小事情而觉得不开心，不喜欢被打扰，零乱的生活已经够麻烦了，但是有时候避免不了，自己的原则还在，但是也习惯接受，这一切想要或不想要的，告诉自己：“这可是生活啊~”要或不要其实大家都是身不由己。

但最近的自己很喜欢‘说服’。努力地说服自己，说服别人。生活还不是要努力地催眠自己，要不然我还能活到20几年啊……?

只要告诉自己，‘你要你行的，你行的，你行的”三遍不够，就够10遍，10遍不够，加够100遍。就算不行，至少自己的心，是温暖的。这个原理是可行的。人还不是欺骗来欺骗去，欺骗自己，应该觉得更加容易。

所以接下来我要做的事是继续催眠自己，

“去读书，去读书，去读书……”

然后欺骗自己“你可以的，你可以的，你可以的……”

Dak? Dak Jo~!

If there is a chance for you to change,will you take the chance?

2011-04-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

Now the title is a little bit confuse and subjective. But be patient, I will clarify for you in the next second. Change, as in terms of better, (of course not worse). Change, in terms of someone’s life. Change, in term of a great world will be build. So, if there is a chance for you to change yourself, in fact also you would be able to change someone’s life, will you take it?

In life, we are always being selfish, being realistic, being so self-centered like everything comes around you. Would you able to think of a moment, look outside your world, put down yourself, and try to look into others and understand others? Some will probably say “Even I cannot help myself, having problems within myself, what the hell I am here to care for others, which is not even close to us?” or “What can we actually did something to them? Money? I am just a student, I don’t have it.” Again, mind your words, you are being selfish if you think like that.

From time to time, I remind myself, to being kind, and give whatever help I could, which is within my ability. I said it, I mean it. Perhaps I were so wanted to influence people around to change, I am the one should be changed first. I am not demanding kindness from family or friends to do me a favor, in fact, I do not want them to feel forceful. Do CHARITY, is from HEART, but not the amount that you’re paying for. Even people care about the money, but at least I did give in something other than money. If you don’t have it never mind! You can join 30 hour famine like me, be a volunteer or even a participant. Be involved in some meaningful event just need some of your time, maybe some of your little efforts in putting on others’ awareness to care about the world’s sickness. Cant starve? Have you ever try it? No time? It’s really NO TIME or YOU DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP THE TIME? Busy? You can spend billion seconds on Facebook, internet, some lame chatting, but not for the children, for the world? I cant really think of a reason, not to join something meaningful, at least you have a more rigid reason that you can try to persuade me. THERE ARE MILLION REASONS or EXCUSES THAT YOU CAN HAVE, IF YOU DID NOT WANT TO DO SOMETHING. I understand, because many people are just like that, even I did use many reasons to push away all the unwanted job.

There is only one question that I wanted to ask, as mentioned above, Will you take the chance if you are able to do something for the children, for the world? Just say “Yes” or “No”, as simple as that. If Yes, congratulates, you have changed and you will be able to make a change, very soon with the little efforts combine to become a great one. If no, I have no other word for you, but good luck. Just live for what you live in, believe what you believe in, close your mindset and that’s all for your life.

If there is a chance, will you do something to get the smile from her as an exchange?

I’ll leave this for you, for your in depth and intelligent thinking. Choice is on you.

如果你有机会改变，改变你自己，改变那些小孩的一生，并且改变这个世界，你会把握吗？

热血的年轻人，如果可以利用你的‘热血’去做一些可以令你热血沸腾的事，那你的一生，可不简单啊~

分·裂

2011-04-13T22:56:00.000+08:00

“一边 笑得 疯了
一边 哭得 累了
判若 两人
快要 放弃了
快要 虚脱了
下一个我 又是什么角色”

==下一个我== by 炎亚伦

如果曲是灵魂，那么歌词就是驱壳。很好的歌词，总觉得一首好听的歌，不单只是旋律要舒服，歌词也一定要有共鸣，这样才能让人觉得心玄。

对 这首歌 产生共鸣

是因为 觉得 有时候

每个人 都好像患有 精神分裂症 一样

人前 人后 不一样

在你面前 是温柔的

在他面前 是冷漠的

一个人 好像有很多重性格

别人解释说 ‘见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话’

每个人只是以不同人的性格 去应对 不同的人

但是我觉得这只是人类分裂症的借口

其实大家 都是病患

大家 都同病相怜

人类嘛 都只不过是如此软弱 却又喜欢假装坚强的动物

It’s living,it’s working,it’s dying,it’s life.

2011-04-10T19:28:00.000+08:00

Here we go the 20 of us being 4 days translator for the China business man. Some having fun, some were stress, some were pek chek, some were enjoyed, some were nothing… But I am sure we’re all happy with the salary that paid on the spot, and the free testing foods during all 4 days. And yes we did ate a lot without paying for this few days XP

Took a photo with Haribear~a Germany company that sell Marshmallow~

We’re very hard working, though sometimes lazy a little bit. We did do our best and the most importantly, all the bosses were all satisfied and treat us very good.

There are lessons that I’ve learned in this work. Get to experience some reality in the business world, what I can comment on this is really CRUEL. But I do get to know some people that can be very kind as well, maybe they expect something in return. If we didn’t think of the world so badly, maybe they are just basically good indeed. What I care is just the salary that you gave, that’s the end of the story. In fact, I don’t think there is something I could believe or trust in this cruel business society. Again, the ‘fake’ that I’ve learned this time, is more practical for next time working.

That’s the end of the story for my part-time.

我希望把接下来的写给一位已经到了日本的好朋友。

匆匆忙忙的，你一个sms说飞日本行程改至星期五，还在工作的我一下子也不懂能做些什么，当天提早溜了出来，塞着车、冒着风雨，也去到了机场‘送你一程’~ =X 做朋友的，你一声，只要我能够做到了，我一定会做！当场，真的不会有什么，都笑笑着，只是你的家人还是哭了，我们都还压抑着，要证明大家都是坚强的，不需要别人担心。

知道你到了那，安定了，平安了，大家都放心了。没事就好了。在msn你说看到了美丽的樱花，美丽的风景，缺少了我们，你并不觉得有特别的愉快。真的听到了，有点感动，因为你说觉得自己不够好，有什么不够好？你记得我们，看到了美丽的风景，还会想起我们，那还不够吗？朋友，做到这样，我是觉得‘无得鼎’了~很少见面，但偶尔还会想起的朋友，才是真正的朋友。能与朋友分享一切，是最幸福的事了。

其实有很多事情，我们都放在心上不轻易说出口，觉得害羞，觉得是朋友的话一定会懂，其实我们都是那样的小孩。那重友情，却整天不说出口的人，关心，也觉得要做得低调的人。因为大家都在乎，所以那种心情，是透彻心底的。或许我不懂你此时此刻的心情，但是离乡背井我也试过，偷偷的盖着被，因为想念而哭泣，我也试过，自己一个人，没有人能够倾诉我也试过，遇到挫折，还要假装坚强的确很难受，我觉得平时一脸坚强的你，也是如此吧。但我也相信你有你自己一套的解决方法，你这么聪明，一定‘MOU MAN TEI＇不过有什么问题也可以mail/msn/FB 我，赴汤蹈火，只要在能力范围，一定尽我所能！

保持着微笑，略带不舍，照了照，纪念着友情的不变。

也不能说什么关心或照顾自己之类的话了，我坚信你能够好好的照顾自己，坚信着我们的友情能有经过时间的考验，坚信着就算这世界多么的现实、残酷，生活还是会继续的。为大家各自的生活好好的过着，燃烧着那青春，生命中有你的曾经，不会淡忘……

Working at KLCC

2011-04-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

Is working since yesterday and the job will continue until this Saturday. It was a job get through CCS, and we 20 students working as a translator for the China business people at KLCC, places a Halal Showcase.

Working with China people was a bit stressful, as we have different culture, even we shared the same language, but totally different slang~Though, I can say they are all nice people, enthusiastic, and warm. After we have some contact with all this business people, not all are bad, but I would say everyone is selfish, for their own goods and benefits when things come to MONEY.

We are slowly developed to the business world. It is realistic, ever true, and putting a fake smile is always the best way to face this true world. And people would like it, whether you accept or not. A fake smile is so useful in this realistic world. I mean you can smile to whatever stranger comes to you, as you think everyone would be a probability of successful in your business. I think this would be good rather than the people, lifting their head like many are below them, hardly to fake a smile, they barely to make contact with the people with different status. If I were the boss, I wouldn’t have this kind of thinking, as I think everyone would have the ability to be a boss, in fact, if you were a boss, you need strong base(the people) to support you up there.

It was fun to have a chance to contact with the business people, the rich one, and able to interpret their thinking. Even, I have some perception on them, but truly I saw lots of things just for these two days. Tomorrow is still a long day to go. Hope all of us can get through it happily for the next two days. =)

There were something inside,where we just always keep in the heart.

2011-04-04T01:38:00.000+08:00

~~I have end up with no one to turn to, and here I come to blog.~~

Fed up with life recently as many of my electronic devises were all spoiled at the same time. Yes. AT THE SAME TIME! Which cost me lots of time, energy and the most important thing—MONEY to solve all these problem. I would say I will need to pay some responsibilities on it since these things were all mine. But please don’t blame me, like I wanted this things to be broken. BLAME SOLELY ON ME. IT IS UNFAIR! I was the person who own all these things, I was the person who hurt the most when all these bad things happen to me, I was the person who deserve a little bit of care when all the bad things happened to me.

~~But who knows? The feeling always hiding behind. And there is no one can look at it. Perhaps I am the one who hiding it. I would say it is all my bad. There is no perfection in life if you realize.~~

只是想发泄一下那样的心情。觉得叹几十次气也不够，内心不会好过一点，还是觉得很辛苦。沮丧，倒霉，无助，似乎都一瞬间出现在眼前。是有点不解，为什么就是要同时间，就好像所有不愉快的事接二连三地发生。也没有到很难过，或很大件事，毕竟是钱的问题，需要一点时间就能解决。失望的是没有人曾理解或体会自己的感受。就好像在写这这篇文章。我的意义是发泄，看的人的意义却有很多种。

Above paragraphs were what I wrote few days ago when I was so down. See, this is what a mad person can write, how the negative things go about and influence the thinking of a person. But I am still a rational person which I have think not to post it out immediately after I wrote it. I JUST DON’T WANT THINGS TO BE SO BIG THAT INFLUENCE MYSELF, OR MORE, INFLUENCE THE OTHERS. I don’t think it was a good idea that to write something that is unhappy, which will make the people think you ~~were~~ are a negative person. But yes finally I posted it out indeed. With strikethrough on it, means I just want to express this feeling out but you can ignore it, if it bother you, or your feeling.

Like what I wanted to emphasize in my title, "There were always something inside, but we just always keep in our heart”. Don’t you agree with it? Since so many bloggers now, having an open blog, don’t you agree what we want to express out or post out, was chasing or demanding some agreement for our life opinion? If there were something hidden inside, means there was no need agreement, likewise, I don’t need any agreement for above paragraph. Perhaps I need some feedback about the title itself, the statement.

In fact, we are always demanding and searching agreement in life. Certain kind of conformity instead, we are looking for. What was it? Ask yourself. Mine one was a clear cut. Tell you my opinion, my way to live my life, whether you accept or not, I will too accept yours too, but please respect me first, then we stay in peace and live happily forever after.

How about something we did not express it out? Or talks about? We did not need any agreement on it? At all? Yes, I would say in a certain extend. We sometimes do need some space or what the society called “PRIVACY” in life. The “PRIVACY” thing, no need any agreement or opinion, we just live with it, knowing or not knowing, Best maybe REMAIN-ed UNKNOWN, or what I called it “MYSTERY” was quite interesting to play around too. But tell you something VERY INTERESTING, there were many time, we wanted people to know it, but not directly telling or knowing from our mouth, we just want people to realize themselves, like everyone need to be ‘your worm in your intestines’ (direct translation from Cantonese please), but please, we are not a ‘worm’ truly, we are just normal human being. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS STATEMENT, I ACTUALLY CAN GET A LOT OF AGREEMENT.

But I do wanted to find someone which is cleaver enough, at least know to read my facial expression. What I mean, in life, we can never get what other people wanted from us, but we should know what we want, and put it into action to make it. If you understand what you want, you stated it, you say whatever loud to the world, it is still useless, as you never put it into action and make a change. This is what I wanted from people, be cleaver, make something to change for yourself, but not for me. Choices is always in your hand, if you wanted to make a change.

Note: I was not demand any agreement or comment for this post. Perhaps a ‘like’ can motivate me to write more about something like this~Long and bored. =P

这一夜

2011-04-01T01:05:00.000+08:00

（一）伪

能不能把面具脱下让我看清你的真面目？

（二）自私

或许大家都是普通的伴，在需要的时候出现，不需要的时候也不愿提起，感叹这就是人类。

（三）很天真

孩子，总是痴痴的。现在的我们，没有资格说‘纯真’。

（四）可爱的家

可以为了几张小孩的照片而大笑不停，家的温暖，就是那么简单。

或许你说得对，是因为太在乎，所以变得愚蠢。可能不是自己的损失，但是还是会心疼，并不懂自己到底为了什么。尽管做最愚蠢的，也不让自己错过什么、失去什么。可是真的累了，可以什么都不管吗？就这么静静的，一个人也好……

说真的长大了才懂，这一切得来不易，尤其是血脉相连的家人。学会了，有时间，回家了，会选择留在家陪家人。所谓的天伦，就是快乐。

清明时节雨纷纷，游女归家尽孝恩。心中的感慨，莫过于此。

每一年的清明，都不想错过扫墓。记得有时会埋怨过，但是越大了，越觉得这是做子女的一点孝心，一年也只能见爸爸那么的一次。错过了，总觉得有点大逆不道。有时候在想，能做的就只有这么多了。没有资格说得上什么，有时候当不同的想法有对立时，我会保持沉默，就觉得没必要说那么多，想要懂的会自己去了解，不想懂的就算怎么解释也是徒然。

The 501st post

2011-03-29T01:58:00.000+08:00

It was a long long day for Monday. Always. Class ended early today but wasn’t able to back home earlier as CCS meeting on 6PM. As we have to wait until the time and had a long discussion for coming yearly events. I was in some kind of moody, as my phone just committed suicide this morning, which can’t really ‘committed suicide’, but I put it to death. It just fell out from my pocket, and accidentally fell from level 3 to the end of the level, which is like 3-4 levels high I guess. Yes, the screen was not working, and I wondered how much will it cost to make it since my warranty just gone, but I have no use more than half year I think. Totally fed up with this kind of ‘accident’ or can I called it bad luck, or ‘fate’ that I have to accept, it’s just so coincident that, it fell out from my pocket, and so coincident that it fell right in the middle from level 3 to level 1. Alright fine. I was not totally depressed of this thing, even it bother me some of the time when I think of “It’s my newly bought phone!!!!”

Yet there is nothing else I can do for it. Just accept the fact and hope there will be some solution for it.

There are many things else waiting for me to settle and think of. Even the long day, we spend for long discussion on how to make our club stronger. Hopefully we are able come up with solution, but we should move a step forward before everything bright come to us. So that’s the thing. Efforts should be put in before any great success come to us. I always believe in that.

For this 501 post, for how much effort I have put in this blog, it’s uncountable. And I was so happy to share everything to my friends that care or concern about me. For the future 1000 post, I am looking forward to write more meaningful things in my life, as well as contains the power of influential.

Try to think of a question about people’s emotion and behavior.

Reflect it to yourselves at the end of the day, for whatever things happened around you. Think deeply and relate it to yourselves. Don’t you think there was something wrong too in your thinking and mind? Take a moment to think, it’s your choice.

其实每件事情的发生，都可能有着一定的原因，就算是人的情绪，也由不受控制的时候，但是只要耐心探讨，就会找到根点，视野也会变得旷阔。

背包客·梦

2011-03-27T16:51:00.000+08:00

一直在想，能不能够有一天，什么都不用想，就背着一个背包，开始寻找自己的旅程。

如果活着就是要走下去，那我愿背着背包不停歇地走

很喜欢旅行，到处体验不同的民族风情

不懂从几时开始，爱上了那样的自由。

那么的洒脱却又不失自己。

圆梦的道路，是那么的遥远。

但是只要坚信，一步一步地接近，梦想其实也不是空想。

Melaka trip

2011-03-26T16:43:00.000+08:00

Had a trip to Melaka with friends. A simple yet memorable two days trip.

On the first day, I just like a bagpacker who carry two bags, on my Ipod, began my journey alone. As others will go from Ipoh and Qiao will meet up us at Melaka. I go by myself. Seriously I was quite enjoyed to walk around by myself. I just decide my way and explore the way without knowing the exact place, all my by own. Proudly to myself, this is not the first time I travelled alone since I always take train all the way back to hometown and I think it’s quite normal.

I started my journey quite early as I thought to walk around by myself first. So I followed friend’s car back to college, took a RM1 bus to Bangsar LRT and another RM1 to KL Central. Had a breakfast at extremely packed MCD, as I think there was promotion for whatever free things, typical Malaysian huh? Always obsessed with free things. I took my breakfast slowly as I was not rush on time.

A man passed by occasionally while I had my breakfast. “Are you a Chinese?” “Yes.” I answered. He started on with talking Mandarin and pursued me to donate for idk what orang asli and said we are Malaysian should help our own people in the country. I enjoyed my burger and listened to him patiently, and when he showed me the list and ask me to write about the donation, I said", “I will go and donate myself if I want to.” He gave me a ‘sienz face’ and said, “every Chinese also said the same thing but who will do it?” I gave him a smile, he walked away and I continued my breakfast.

I have some thought in my mind. I do an exception in Chinese that will really approach to help others, as you said our community by myself, instead of donation, I will do volunteer work which is more useful I think. Secondly, how could I believe people nowadays, especially there were many people else asked for donation at KL Central especially. Couldn’t blame on me as I think it’s really ridiculous to donate in this way, I did donate before, long time ago when I first came to KL, when I was so naïve, but since then I saw a lot people like this so I stop to believe anyone of them, as I said, I can help in other ways. I was like “It was so funny.” when I listened what he said and the look was so sarcastic. “I did nothing wrong.” I told myself, if you really so looking for donation, why don’t you do things in other ways? I just don’t understand, maybe he was cheating me but it’s so funny he giving me that face, IF HE WAS REAL, still funny as I dont donate he no need to show me THAT FACE, should charity be forced? IN fact, I felt pathetic for the people who need help, who will believe them as there were so many cheater outside the world. I would be one of them, but if you ask for some help, which I think logical, I will help, as we expected help too when we were in trouble.

After that, ignore the stupid fella, finished my breakfast and took another RM1 KTM to Bandar Tasik Selatan in order to take TBS bus to Melaka Central. TBS was well-developed than I thought, it’s new and the system was quite satisfied.

The ticket with my name

Yes, It does look like an airport as ppl said

The sun is so sunny at Melaka

Mahkota Parade, which is small than I thought

Dataran Pahlawan, this is somewhere near Mahkota Parade, we went after teatime with delicious layer cake =)

Have a morning walk at Melaka river

After all, the most fascinating thing at Melaka was the food. Hopefully I was able to taste all the famous but only some delicious food there. The layer cake was the first one I had, and I gave 8 star out of 10 for it, which will be the highest. After that, I had Asam Laksa which located at Jonker Street. So so only for me, because it was so spicy for me~ Got 5 out of 10 star. We also ate cendol there. Use a lot of local Gula Melaka, too sweet for me~ As I also miss the cendol at Johor. Give 4 star only for it. Around 10 at night, we when to Capitol Satay Celup, which is famous there. I thought it was really ‘SATAY’ but it’s actually LOK LOK, which special only for the soup is satay favor. It just special for that, but I think so so only and quite expensive by the way. 6 star for it’s private-made satay sauce maybe. Another day before we back, we finally able to try Chicken rice ball, which is quite special also. I like the design of the restaurant in fact, the rice was fine, but the chicken I do prefer Ipoh Tauge Chicken. 7 star combine with the artistic and classic design of the restaurant.

We walked a lot too. As no transport, we just solely depend on our legs. Even sometimes too tired so travelled with Cap, but WE STILL WALKED A LOT LOT~~My legs were so pain when I took bus back to KL.

Anyway, I do enjoy this trip with my lovely friends. Even it was a bit short and rush, we had our typical fun moment. Looking forward the next bagpack as we promised

Gloomy day

2011-03-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

Thinking what to write for today- A gloomy Tuesday. The sun never shine and my mood is just like the weather- gloomy and a little bit moody because of the flu and coughing never ended. Suffering because still need to do the damn-headache-assignments.

And my house was added a new member, can’t say for a while as ‘'he’ will follow his ‘mother’ to move to our condo soon. Here is the nightmare begin. The new member is a DOG. Yes I like dogs. But somehow I hate to take care of dog. >.< especially those fierce and out-of-control one. He obviously can be the reverse one. I mean GOD not DOG. He was just like the king of the world when he barking at you, started to show his teeth on you, like tell you: “Don’t ever touch me or I WILL BITE YOU.” Obviously he wins, I mean always. I was not angry of it, as I know it just a dog, like a little kid, sometimes can be adorable and cute IF HE JUST KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT. [Anyway, don’t mind me to blame a bit if you see this Glady. No hard feeling =) ]

Somehow I just don’t understand what people think about. I think the “NOTHING BOX” not only existed in man, but also the teenagers nowadays. Erm, I think I was like that sometimes too =P I was like ‘nothing’ if you saw me looking at somewhere and looked like thinking of something, sometimes, it just can be meaningless and blank in my mind.

Had finished my assignment for this week earlier. Thanks to my groupmate-Carmen that motivated me a lot, so there wasn’t procrastination happen for this week =D And I can off to my vacation to Melaka with my Ipoh buddies on this Friday, hopefully no changes and this trip can ON successfully. Maybe this is the time for me to have some break before final. Meanwhile, I hope to have some fun with my lovely friend that will go to Japan to further her study soon. (You know I go because of you. LOL.)

I think this is my day so far. Hope tmr I can see the sun shine =)

Another visit to orphanage

2011-03-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

So here is my day. Pay a visit to Agathian Shelter located at PJ area due to our LLS group project. Yes we’re having so much fun there. And I think our group was quite a big success since we are so much connected to each other as we always have face-to-face meeting.

Personally I think this is what group work I am searching for in a GROUP ASSIGNMENT. Everyone is putting effort and willing to work together to make the achievement. I love my groupmates indeed. We were not solely group for the report and simply go for 4 hours volunteers work but we did planned and organized all the things, because we did want to do something to the children.

Talking about the children, all I could say is tired-able. To get them to listen to you, and remember most of their name were my BIG trouble. It’s really hard to get to know each of them within few hours. Anyway, as long as they’re having fun. I think this would be the best thing we could achieved.

They are adorable indeed.

散·文

2011-03-17T18:15:00.000+08:00

（一）一句能表达现在心情的歌词。

“沒有想法有想法又能怎樣
只能寫部落格整晚
幾個留言安慰不了心裡的遺憾”—— 丁当《一半》

有时候几句歌词，就能表达到自己的心情。我不懂为何还要写那么多去修饰。有时候是想法，是心情。在人前总是保持沉默，沉默并不代表没有意见，没有想法。有时候沉默，只是不想懂那么多，而为了那些有的没的而出现的那种想法，浪费着时间、岁月。

（二）距离，就是那么耐人寻味。

若近若远，似有似无。那么的虚幻，有时候保持距离，设有界限，可能对大家比较好。

（三）世俗

讨厌世俗的虚伪，但是你无法不承认虚伪就是定律，是不伤害别人至于还能保护自己的行为。我懂，我明白，就算站在腐败的社会，也要鹤立鸡群，拥有独立的思想与行动。

（四）末日

可不可能什么都不在乎，就算世界真的末日，那就打开双臂迎接吧。就在末日之际，拥有遗憾，那又怎样？总是有无能为力的时候，放开、看开，可能会让自己好过点吧。

1) Don’t tell me what life should be, I already knew what it is.

2) Maybe you are right, when I say this, I stand on your perspective; I have my own thoughts too, can’t people just look at different perspectives just like I do respect your thoughts too?

3) I don’t know what’s in your world, maybe it’s just simple as that, perhaps I just don’t want to understand.

4) Stay in peace for everything. JUST FOR PEACE.

Just live for it

2011-03-12T16:16:00.000+08:00

Not really remember what I was writing for the previous post which I have already lost it. Yes I have wrote something few days ago but I did not post and now I found it was lost. Trying to search back in my memory, maybe is about my busy life and how I cope with the stress with tones of assignments, COS(stands for Community Outreach Service, which I always mention in my blog) and also CCS(Chinese Culture Society, a new society that I joined at HELP, which is also Chinese based) activities.

Alright, what I mean busy is that, regardless of usual school time, I will have meeting for every week, different assignments to pass up nearly every Friday except this next week, need to spend at least one day per week for my part time job, need to get some outing with my friends to maintain friendship…bla bla bla… So you can see normally I can update my blog everyday, at least one post per day or two day, but now I totally have not enough time to write my thoughts.

However, I want to say that I am enjoying what I am or was doing. I never regret what I’ve joined or took part in. This is just part of my life. Do whatever you like, make your life YOUR LIFE.

I knew many people are crazy and afraid of “THE END OF THE WORLD” when Japan got 8.9 earthquake and tsunami recently. Everyone just freak out~ Everyone is afraid of death and scare the bad thing will happen to them. I don’t know how can I face this so peacefully and don’t ask me why. I am not that cold-blooded and say, I AM CONCERN ABOUT LIFE. Frankly, it doesn’t really happen on me and I don’t know what will I react if it really happen to me. I can say I have no sense of worry or tension when face to death, but I am a coward if you ask me to kill myself or jumping down from a building. This is what I can say.

What I posted for my status: “Everyday, there were some people die, but why when there was only a big traumatic event, people only realize we should grateful for life or have to pray hard for the unfortunate people? I thought we should have this kind of thinking no matter how the world is or will be. Incept this thinking as the very basic principle in your everyday life, when the day come, maybe you can face the death peacefully.” This is what I want to tell the people whoever scare or believe in ‘2012’ or ‘end of the world’, live as what you live in. What are you freaking out for? There is a probability that you are going to die for the next second. WHO KNOWS? Could you tell me when you are going to die, unless you end your life yourselves? Don’t you realize people are just helpless whenever things are out of control? You could pray hard or even harder for the one who suffered from the traumatic event, but what’s left you can actually do to help them? Do something meaningful man~ Participate in donation, get into physical help, that is what they needed. Do as what you said.

And next what I want to sum up is that, JUST LIVE IN YOU LIFE. Make it meaningful as you live in it. You can pray hard for whatever bad things never happen to you and just live in your world. But trust me you gonna hold on a very powerful principle in life, that is “LIVE FOR TODAY AS THERE WAS NO TOMORROW.” You never know whether you have ‘tomorrow’.

If you ask me what is the most powerful thing in the world, I will say “human mind”. A piece of thought can make anything different. If I could control mind, I would not manipulate it, I will influence it and let it be what it should be.

你问我青春是什么？青春就是做你想做的，活在当下！

很想在年轻的时候，大干一场。

年少轻狂，忙碌就是你的岁月，至少汗水是流在有意义的事情上！

我没有钱，但青春就是我的本钱，我痛快的玩过、疯过，疯狂青春，此生无憾！

对于人生的大道理，我只略懂。但是我对自己人生的意义，有一定的原则，我有自己一套的想法，可能不是人人都受用，接受与否，是要经过你自己的思想道路。

做你自己认为对的事，可能是错误的，可能会后悔的，但如果每一事都质疑，你就不用前进了……

Bonding camp ♥ COS

2011-03-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

Went to bonding camp at Janda Baik again~ For HELP Community Outreach Service (COS).

The difference for this time, I was not the camper or participants or the one who played by the seniors anymore.

This year, I, as a senior, part of committee and organizer, grab the chance to play all my beloved and adorable juniors (which some are elder than me but I still can play them on my fingertips~!muahaha~)

They are cute indeed. Talented and respectful. Must can do much more better than us. I know you all can =)

Committee can also be adorable

The 6th batch HELP COS

The whole group 5th x 6th

Lunch time, nice committee only eat after them =)

Yeah~!It was a big success! Good luck to you guys =)

Talking about my days, were not so good. Totally not enough sleep. For rushing procrastinated assignments and obviously cant sleep as a organizer in the camp. Fed up for everything. So I didn’t really have time to update my blog before or after the camp. Anyway, I think it was a good memory for the 6th batch, not excluded us, as part of it.

In a nutshell, I am totally require lots lots of sleep and rest for the energy and attention that I used over a week. Chiao and Nitez =)

Midnight thought

2011-03-03T01:54:00.000+08:00

“The moment you know how cruel life is, the reality is not that hard to accept anymore.” Actually I no need to quote it as it is originally written by me. Perhaps I need to credit myself.

I wrote this in my MSN personal message. Wanted to say that life is just like that, sometimes cruel, sometimes so real that we need to take or accept all the desirable or non-desirable facts. “Life is just a process.” Saw a video and this is the phrase.

I agree with it and know what this mean during my childhood. I experience it, more than what other people knows for now. I mature very early that you cant imagine that the problems about life, I have already figured out since I was 14-15 years old. It was not come naturally, all the thoughts. It came with experiences. I understand what is life about as I saw in and out of lives, considered all the closest people in my life. I never review about it doesn’t mean that I did not care. I do care when people asking about my father. I do jealous when people talk how good their father are. I do feel touch when I saw a father play happily with his children. I do feel abnormal since I live in an incomplete family for more than 8 years. Who knows mother do sad do cry when she was alone at home, missing her dead husband and far apart daughter and sons. I do understand it all.

Now I do feel to write about the essay question about the challenge being a psychology student is know too much and understand too much about human being. The saddest part was you know how the closest person felt, but you cant do a thing to help. Perhaps it is just learned helplessness.

As in now, helpless, struggling on assignment that will due soon. I will still act relax and smile and laugh to let others know I am strong and able to deal with my own problem. I am such a good actor and will do my best in front of the stage. But this is my back stage. This is the only places that I put down my character as an actor and BE MYSELF.

It’s just that all I wanted to say for tonight, this midnight perhaps. Smile as you can breath for today, at this moment, you’re not die yet.

Fact

2011-03-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I cant just make up my mind on something. A decision. An opinion.

I wish I could have my concentration, back to do things that I have to do.

Nothing much I wanted to say, I need courage, I need energy, I need time, to complete whatever written and highlighted in my schedule.

I know that I need to put more effort on doing something, even more than others, since I am not a genius nor lucky person. but somehow I am being stubborn on some kind of fair or unfair thinking.

Being forceful, something need to be done, THAT MUST BE DONE!

Cruel life, not matter how things to be done, imperfect or perfect, done before the deadline, IT’S RULE.

Not only you are the one who feel the disappointment, please put your legs in my shoes too. I will be the most disappointed person and saddest person in the world because IT’S MATTER ME.

No one is able to solve your problem, even a Psychologist only can HELP you to solve your problem. Help as in guidance, opinion, options. You solve your own problems.

I am so damn lack of time to do all things at the same time. Assignments, examination, meeting for ideas, camp… Crucial period, I know I will get through this. Persistence-heart-training-season.

*For friends who have troubles or problems as well, I suggest you to take a deep breath and hold on a strong believe that you can do it, with your bare hand or whatever along, sometimes troubles just happen to be solved =)

Update for short

2011-02-27T01:23:00.000+08:00

The time spending for fun was always gone too fast. It’s just always not enough. If you ask me “Are you regret for coming back but not doing your revision for exam and assignment that will due soon?” I will say yes to certain extend, frankly, I felt more guilty to myself especially the time I need to face my result. But there is a big NO as I got a chance to see my little new born nephew, and also hang out with my friends, getting some time for fun like this is always not easy. I could say I might lose something about grades, about marks, but I get my relationship with family and friends. Perhaps I think this will be the most important thing for me in life. Life just getting so rush until you miss something, you will realize you will just lose it forever and it will never come back.

总觉得家是幸福的源头

总觉得很多事情要完成但是却少了动力多了阻碍

总觉得要习惯要适应自己一个人

总觉得有些事是时候放下了因为渐渐发觉不重要了

总是觉得和你们在一起最自在

晚了完了故事还是会继续的

累了睡了我们会好好的 =)

语·思

2011-02-21T22:42:00.000+08:00

我可以欺骗自己不要喜欢一个人，但是我不可以欺骗别人说我喜欢他。

如果那就是爱，对不起，我觉得有点肤浅。

我不觉得自己有资格说些什么，我不是你，就像你也不懂我在想什么一样。

Fake a smile is easy, how to fake it without the knowledge of others is a tactic.

就像平静的湖水也有泛起涟漪的时候很多事都变成正常

It is interesting to study human mind, but it reflected how funny human is, have such an interest to study and discover own species. even make so much explanation about their own behaviors.

给予尊重是希望能得到同等的尊重。

感受不用言语的不用眼神的这是心灵上的沟通

青春我都把它花在有意义的活动很激动的说

沉默是几番静思是几番忧郁是几番神秘

很喜欢事无忌惮的写是思想是言语表达的是一句又一句看是有关联或没有关联的文字

我实在无法表达我又多么的喜爱玩弄文字与文字之间那一段细腻的情感是那么的美丽那么的有意思

可能有那么的一天能把这些文句都编成书那是梦想

Little new life

2011-02-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

Today is a big day~ My brother’s son was born~!!! I am being an aunty AGAIN. Yes, having a new nephew again~ Since my sister’s evil son was born first. This little cute thing will be a little bit different since he will live in with us in the same house and direct blood link to us. I got the amazing feel to a new born baby especially in MY family. Even I was not there, at my hometown, got the chance to visit them, I do feel the happiness within the family for welcoming this new life. My blast to this new born baby~ even I am not so sure his name yet. I hope he can live happily and stay healthy =)

Daigor, daisou, baby and mummy

♥Cute new born baby♥

Another big day for tomorrow my dear friend Ms. Lau Chee Foon a.k.a Ms. Alice birthday. She and my other friends who have took STPM and other STPM candidates as well will take their results tomorrow. What can I say is all the best and may their wishes, pray or whatever hopes can be fulfilled.

今天只做一件事 by Eason Chan dedicated to you, the birthday star. Just feel to let you listen to this song at the moment. Feel the peace. =)

灯会

2011-02-20T01:42:00.000+08:00

去了一场灯会……位于jenjarom的东禅寺

美美的灯的确会让人心旷神怡

比起KL城市里的灯……

不同多了有意义多了

新年总算真正划上句号了

灯亮时，高挂的月亮真的很美

灯熄了，其实那明月还不是一样的孤寂

会不会有这样的一个夜里

每次你望上那轮明月会想起哪个谁？

寂寥的心就像城市里高挂的月亮一样

没有了星星的陪伴其实还会继续的发光

忽

2011-02-19T01:46:00.000+08:00

·很喜欢静静的、呆呆的看着某处，若有所思的感觉，让人猜不透。

·很喜欢安静的夜，无论听着慢调的、调皮的音乐，都觉得很自在。

·很喜欢就在这个时候记录心情，可以调整心情，所有好的与不好的都会选择的看透。

·很喜欢不说话，装着耳机，其实是在聆听、观察身边发生的事与物。

·突然想去看海因为在这寂寞的城市里不曾有美丽的星空与蔚蓝的海

·尽管多么累深夜总有深思的时候

·那个你不懂的我继续不懂吧就像我不懂你一样

·心灰总和意冷在一起因为冷寂的心不曾有彩色

·坚强与理智总在自己最懦弱时出来伸出援手

·写着写着忘我了忽略忽然间原来我也累了

QUit social network?

2011-02-16T23:42:00.000+08:00

Pre-warning before you really want to read this post: This post would a bit sarcastic but not directly pointed anyone, please don’t feel offended.

So if you are decided to continue. Fine. First of, I am thinking I was quite success in exiting the complicated social network—especially Facebook. I was not totally quit on it but I am decreasing the time spending on it by looking the meaningless wall post or even expose my life like ‘you-think-you-are-so-famous-that-people-want-to-keep-track-on-your-status’. Despite some were pretty interesting and nice to read. I just don’t feel to post something when I was not so in mood. And can I say I will smile with a lame look when people updated their status every minute for what they do,eat or even sleep. I-just-don’t-know-why. Perhaps psychology student could do some research on it. “The influence of ~~Facebook~~ the social network on people nowadays”. I think the result will be quite interesting. Frankly, I still cant really get out of it fully since this making my life easier. Yes, pretty easy to keep contact with friends, no matter old or new, even unknown. I admit it’s still have its own usefulness so not many people can get away from it easily.

In fact there are still one network I cant really quit that is MSN and email. I cant really stand for days that cant open my email and sign in my MSN. I will desperately feel I am really outdated. So in this you can see, it will be more easily if you want to find me via email or msn. By the way, all the time I put AWAY in my status, doesn’t mean I am really away but somehow there will be sometimes I am away or I don’t feel to reply you. Of course the first reason will be the most possible one.

There are sometimes I feel want to disappear from the world. I will appear off or even sign out from everything, leave my laptop on for nothing but just listen to songs. This is what people called emo. But don’t you feel sometimes you just want to disappear for a while, just a while, from the world where no one can find you, off any device that people can find you. I just hope that there can be a little moment for myself. For peace.

I think it is enough for today.

Not forgetting to give my blast to Ms.Ho Pooi Kwan a.k.a Catherine Ho.

Happy birthday my dear friend =)

As you wish, all your wishes will be come true soon ^^

Ideal romance

2011-02-14T00:56:00.000+08:00

Finish this Korean drama in 2 days. <<Secret Garden>>. Quite a romantic, funny and somehow a bit ridiculous love story. Everything happened in a very dramatic way. But I do love the setting inside. The lakeside house, the snow walkway,the romance of the characters especially the male character with dimples, don’t you think the people with dimples is cute? I just found myself so in love with dimply people and their ‘serious look’, especially they look you in their eyes. They have so much attraction, don’t you think so?

Oh ya today is valentine day. I don’t understand why people would post everywhere, stated and somehow complaining there is no people with them during valentine. Maybe I was just don’t understand, perhaps I think spending with friends is not a bad idea. Thus, I will attend a dinner as a COS member, for the sake on proving it is not necessary to have valentine with your only beloved, but have some gathering with friends is a good choice too. Anyway, in life we always searching for a romance love as such in the drama, such an ideal and always have a happy ending. Who don’t want that? Perhaps sometimes we are dreaming and living in our fantasy. But I do patient in searching for that. In fact, I know it was not that possible, despite impossible, there are still some probability. That’s why I am still single now. *laugh out loud if you want to*

I do proud of saying I am still single as I am still young now. Who care you are being coupled or in love sweetly? That’s make our different. In a way that I am so damn free but you aren’t. *evil smile* You wouldn’t understand me. I still enjoy my single life.

By the way, thanks for those who have been loving me. I was not the good one to be in love with. You make a good choice if you can forget me. Cheers, for single, for friends =)

意·义

2011-02-11T18:36:00.000+08:00

#喜欢活在当下的感觉，虽然不是很耀眼，活着当自己的观众。

#喜欢有酒窝的人，那个不是很深，带点可爱的小孔。

#喜欢杰伦，因为他的歌，总在点缀那寂寞的夜。

#喜欢没有条理的文字，带点深度，带点神秘。

#那个喧闹的夜晚，看着那片色彩的自己，有点想家。

#我们在生活中没有失去了谁，得到了谁，你最终只拥有你自己。

#可以的话，为自己寻找快乐，不要让快乐寻找你，有时候它可能会迷路。

#可以的话我选择面对对于逃避

#含义意义定义生命中仿佛都在找寻他们的踪迹。

有人问我写部落的的意义，其实没什么，我不介意分享我得到的、看到的、知道的、想到的。想别人更了解自己，仅此而已。对着一句一句没有顺序只有感觉与态度的文字，我只想用这些文字来表达那毫无条理的思绪与心情。文字你可能是看到了。但是真正的感受没有人能真正体会到

Stressed or Desserts?

2011-02-09T00:38:00.000+08:00

It is just a couple of days I came back from my lovely CNY holiday. There are tones of assignments to be done and handed in. Though some are not so hard, but I just feel that we-just-like-a-working-assignment-machine. The brain is non-stop to thinking of the idea on how to do it, how to make it better and how to begin it as the most important point. I was not scare of it but there are in some senses of nervous, nervous of being lack of time to complete all the things in a short while. Perhaps plan and arrangement are needed to make my life easier.

There is still a long way to go. Many things need to be done step by step. Like one of the phrase that I saw and posted in my PM—"Stressed is desserts if you can reverse.” “压力，是甜品，如果你可以反方向思考。”Sorry for no citation because I was forget who wrote it. I just felt that it was so meaningful. But friend told me that it was no true because it is written in past tense. He is so true grammatically. But I think what this phrase want to present is that the mind set is very important. It’s all depends on you, how to think about a certain word, or things. It is not easy that everyone have such a positive thought when trouble comes. And I am trying to think, as positive as I can, maybe to cover the negative thoughts or whatever.

Stressed or desserts? It’s your choice.

Don’t feel to end it so soon

2011-02-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

I have very ordinary CNY this year. Again. Not surprisingly, I was able to meet many relatives and friends as well. The best part was the reunion feel within the small family and I really love my family deep in my heart ♥

♥ Family are family ♥

My mum’s cook is the best in the world. Over the past one week, I just never, yes is NEVER eat outside food~!!! I am totally in love with mum’s cook~ the fish, the chicken, the spareribs, the soup…… I just missed all of them. and this is the first time I feel the happiness after being at KL for around 2 years. Love you mum

My brothers are still that childish and bully. even they are good to me in some sense. And new members will be coming to our home very soon. Hope this little baby will bring more happiness and fortune to our family

And sister’s family. Still that funny. And her son, my nephew is still a bully, same as my brothers. I don’t understand why I am always being the one who get bullied at home =( Life is unfair.

My dog, Bobo, looked better somehow after visit the veterinarian. I just hope she can stay healthy always to make us complete family. I am so grateful that I live over 20 years with my beloved family. You all are the best. Thanks for being my family =)

Family photo without eldest bro, who was still sleeping

The brother and sisters

And lastly my mum and me ♥

It is just the 4th day of the CNY. The celebration was just started. But we have to end there as school reopen and work gonna continue as well. It’s just maybe once in a year we can enjoy like this. During this season, we are grateful.

其实我们都知道因为难得才显得珍贵

难能可贵的团圆才值得庆祝

虽然满是怀念

但是那会带来期待

期待下一次的来临

再聚 for family and for friends =)

Simple CNY 2011

2011-02-02T00:43:00.000+08:00

I was in holiday mood few days ago. Still, not so in CNY mood. Maybe back too early before the real day comes. Being stayed at home for two days and having some so called small family gathering at home. Not so much talk, but there were feel of warm while eating at round table, gambling and joking around. It’s still the best family for me, not that perfect, but it’s just my special little family =)

家永远都有形容不了的温馨

家人永远都无可替代

在外久了才发觉能每天吃到妈妈煮的菜

原来是可以那么幸福的事

越长大了越觉得其实某些事某些节日

可能是特别的但是心里却觉得没什么大不了

很普通很简单的也可以渡过

但是就可能是那种平凡与简单

使这一切变得特别没有什么原因

这是一种心灵上的感觉

我就是喜欢这独一无二的平凡

“We don’t quote things that we are not fully understand.”

2011-01-31T00:41:00.000+08:00

Watching back the date and time of my post, I always write my blog during midnight. It’s just that there are so many feeling and things to share about especially on this sleepiness, loneness, and ‘emotion-ess’ moment. Just feel to share some of my feelings.

I have already back home for three days and I felt no much CNY mood here, despite I meet some of my friends on the mahjong table. The worst thing come to me after I back was I fall sick. Flu, sore throat, cough, all come to me and there are many new year biscuits at home, but sadly I cant even touch them under my mum’s eyes. It is one of the sad case. Another one happened to my dog, which was living with us for almost 10 years, fall sick as well, and mum said “she looks like going to leave us soon.” I just cant imagine she gonna leave us, but frankly I was not a good pet master. I don’t know what else I could do for her. In sometimes I just realize we are that hopeless. Pray that the veterinarian would not give any bad news tomorrow.

Have no idea how to start on my assignment about the movie review.The question on how to start about is funny. As I have some rough idea but I just don’t get what lecturer wants from this assignment. Personal view is always available but it’s still an assignment related to psychology and I was thinking the way to write a movie review psychologically. And I always like to present idea in my own way, whether it can be accepted by others or not. In fact, I care what others think about and I do take the comment into consideration and take deep thinking.

Talking about the title above. It was one of the phrase from the movie that I have to review—Muallaf. It is a local movie made by Yasmin Ahmad, who is already death due to stroke(if the information that I Google-ed is correct). A local movie which impressed me, made a great success at International stage as well. Yes, sometimes we like to do things that are special, try to confuse others and hope no other people in the world would understand except you. But for me, I loves the phrase above because I think it is interesting and I hope to get something different from it. And for many things I was trying to understand, which after I understood, I will try to share with others. This is what the power of blogging comes from. I would like to add something to this quote, which is “Don’t ever try so hard to understand something and don’t pretend that you are understand, because sometimes it is not so difficult to get something but in fact you don’t get it means YOU DON’T GET IT NOW”. Perhaps we might figure it out later when we grow older, this is what I believe.

Likewise I am posting a blog post right here with plain words and maybe bored to others, tested some real readers who are really interested to read and trying to understand me (which I think very few will do). I just like to present in my own way, blog whatever I like, as this is a little world own by me (you may say ot’s belongs to blogger but this all this words will remain my copyrights).

It’s 3.20am now. There are still too much in my mind. I know I should rest so I can recover faster, but I just cant help it. I am being stubborn, on what I am doing.

Just want to tell someone,

“I am not a baby sister anymore, should be able to think not only for myself but the family. I know the burden that you bear. It’s time for me to realize that. =)

With a little too much

2011-01-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

Not sure why am I putting this title. Just felt to. My day is just too little but sometimes too much for something. Isn’t that we always do that? Spend too much time on useless things but spend only a little bit time on something which take time. Human being. A little too much to understand. I don’t like to take responsible on something that I cant do. But if I were involving in something, I will try all my best to do it and do it as perfect as it could be. This is why I don’t understand people who want so much to get into something, but do not want to do it properly or even sometimes give me a “I-am-not-responsible-to-this” or “There-must-be-someone-will-do-it” look~ I seriously don’t like people who take everything granted. “Too much” for me, I think even “too much” for the people who work with you. Too much irresponsible, too much fake, too much bad words can come from my mouth.

Alright, finish my grumbling. Get back to something pleasant me. Will go back to Ipoh on Thursday. Yes it’s this Thursday~! Seriously I love everything about this CNY season. The smile on people, the new clothes on people, the ang pau, the biscuits, even the song. Hope to get back as soon as possible, I just miss home so much~!

Oh there is a reminder for me in my blog. A reminder for our 5S1 commitment after five years. Isn’t the date is so nice? 1010~ Guys meet you all soon ^^

一点一滴，这些累积就是生活……

♥ 平水相逢的总是太多，知心的总是太少。

♥ 当我们成长到一定的年纪，看的东西越多，越觉得有些东西不算什么

♥ 看在角度的份上，我尝试去原谅别人。

♥ 当沉默时，总是想很多，但大多数都可能在发呆。

♥ 其实伪装真的很辛苦，不如放下面具，做回自己。

♥ 学会坦然，要知道这世界不会因为你的不开心而停止转动。

~~jill~~

A moment for myself

2011-01-21T21:49:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year is coming. Have spend a lot during these few days, I am going to be very broken for the month. But really have fun to spend time with friends. Satisfy myself with shopping,sing k and watching movies. Outing never stop and yes I am enjoyed every moment that I had with my friends.

But there are sometimes, I need some private moment for myself.

A moment to speak with my own self.

So here I am.

Thinking to change myself. To be more control when speaking, trying to be silent and listen when people is talking. And not much people can accept the way we joking. I understand but there were some time I just joke and think to have fun. But sometimes I knew it was hurt. How could I control myself for being not that hurtful? Try to keep silent was one of my tactic. However, there were also people said that was not me and scare there was something wrong with me. So I guess, why don’t I just keep to being myself? Talk whenever I want to talk and just speak my mind. Anyway, it was not a good way to be friend with people. People is so selfish that THEY JUST LIVE IN THEIR WORLD. I jealous the people who can really SPEAK and do WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DO. In fact, I think they are cool, as I cannot be one of them.

有些情节

真的很贴近自己

感觉如果发生在自己身上那会怎样？

因为会思考

所以感动

有时候就有那么一首歌那么一部电影

能够让人感动

就是因为值得让人思考

因为贴近人的心灵

人前总喜欢嘻嘻哈哈就过去

人后有谁会懂属于自己的过去

有时候不是找不到想倾诉的人

而是自己不愿意去打开心房

要保持神秘却克制不住去透露

就是喜欢保留一些隐私

那不是现代人说“没有人了解我”的时候吗？

是的

并没有一个人能真正了解另一个人

因为我们都不肯赤裸裸地、毫无保留的把自己交给别人

去勇敢的信任一个人

没有任何完美的

可挑剔是人的毛病

若不能就放任吧

Hard earn money

2011-01-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

Through friends, I received a job on doing business assignment which is being rejected by business student and even said it is terribly hard. As a psychology student, I thought it was easy, but in fact it wasn’t. I regret. Till the time I turn it down. I think I am just over-estimate myself in doing things that I have not do before, and even not belongs to me.

What I was saying is I am just not a business student, and luckily I did not take business or business psychology. To do things that I do not like is suffered. I would like to work towards the money, but somehow the inner side will keep on argue that “is that worth to?” or “why am I doing things that I does not like?”.

But that is life and it is always true that we have to do things that we do not like and still we have to learn to survive in this reality. Somehow there are always choices to make my stands shaking. And this is true that when I come across choices, I will doubt and can’t really make a decision, in case I forced to make one. I hate myself suffering in dilemma, to do or not to do, to earn or not to earn. Of course we will always think on a positive side. In fact, making a decision to give up on something you are working on was not easy. Imagine I have spend so much time on it and even force myself to read something that I am not suppose to read. Fed up. Just screw the business assignment. Screw the Singapore institute. Screw the Rm100!

I was always wonder why there were people willing to do something that they do not like. Now I get to know some of the reason. Life made us to do it. I would do something that I like if I have enough of money. I would spend my time to do something benefit to the society if I have enough of time. If only if. If there is really ‘'if’’ exist in reality, there would not be so much troubles and problems happened in life.

But with the existence of ‘if’, we learned. Learned from the past, practice your present, to prepare for your future.

为关心你的人而写的

2011-01-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

部落格

有时候不是为了谁而写

而是有时候写给关心你的人看

我觉得没什么

不是义务的

而是觉得想写就写

依着自己的心情感觉去走

这就是属于自己的部落格至少这是我自己的

---------------------------------------------------------------------

而这篇是写给一位老朋友

也不是很老而是认识也有一段时间

算知心的聊得来的

知道她即将要出国了

带着不舍的心情也要恭喜她祝福她

毕业了两年

常联络常出街的来来去去都是那几个

她算是其中一个吧

总是觉得庆幸能够认识到她

虽然有时候会很情绪化整天叫我心灵上辅导她 XD

不过这种方式的交流很特别

大家虽然有不一样的生活了不一样的朋友了

但是因为拥有一样的回忆

大家又聚在一起

这就是缘分吧

我愿与她分享她也算是满了解我的朋友之一

*希望你会暗爽因为不是每一个朋友都有机会了解我哈哈 =P

其实也不懂想写什么

只是想你知道你会懂的朋友 =)

不管以后距离会有多远

不要忘记这里还有我还有一班可爱的朋友以及姐妹们

珍惜剩余在这里的时间

陪陪你的家人得空就找找我们

"Somehow I know we'll meet again. Not sure quite where and I don't know just when. You're in my heart, so until then it's time for saying goodbye."
- Muppets -

--jill--

人间蒸发

2011-01-13T17:22:00.000+08:00

Being missing on the internet for more than two week. I cant believe that I could live through without internet for such a long period. NO MSN no Facebook, I just feel I was outdated for every minute I wasting my time walk around the house and do nothing. The new semester is just begin and truly I have nothing to do without any textbook or notes. This is my final semester for first year. Easy time will be passed through and hard time will be coming.

And now I am spending my time at OLD TOWN inside the SS2 Mall just beside Ken 3. The best thing to live here is can get yamcha place very easily. I just hope SS2 Mall can develop faster which have even more place to shop, perhaps cinema and redbox can be considered to open here so I can have entertainment very very easily~!!!hahahaha… Maybe I just think too much now…=P

Talking about my new semester. Normally for the first week is a confuse and blur week. For sure, we have to make a hard decision on which elective to take for this semester. I chose Introduction to Design. Frankly, I’m not really into it or like it, and there are no other elective that I like as well. But there have many reason to make me have this decision. It is CHEAP. Would it be my main reason? I don’t know. Perhaps the timetable is still ok and not as sucks as the business subject. No exam but just plain assignment and presentation. Friends said easy to grab an A. And yes they get an A, and my result for last semester is just come out today where all of us thought it will be tomorrow. Surprising me the result, I can get a B from Ms. Winnie. Hurray =) But I cant maintain my CGPA to 3.0 because of the Sociology =( Anyway, I will try my best to get an A for the intro to design this semester. Of course to all my other subjects as well ^^

Oh ya, having a steamboat time with my COS family yesterday. CHeers guys~ We will go back to Junjong again coming May or June =)

没有上网，感觉上就好象与世界脱离了很久这样……与世界连不上什么。没有在网上的世界，我什么都不知道。但至少有活动塞时间，显得没那么无聊，还可以说，我是忙的，忙得没时间上网。其实是忙的。要筹备活动，一大堆等着我。加入了团体，这就是注定要适应的事，而且学到的也有一定的用处。

无可否认，在这段期间，我可能忽略了某些事、某些人、某些需要我去关注，而我却没有去理睬的……对不起，我只能说。我不会分身术。我很希望自己能够把24小时都用在家人与朋友身上。很希望有人想到我、需要我的时候，我能够立刻出现在他们的眼前。可惜我不是超人，是个普通不过的凡人，我也希望能够自私的期望自己需要帮忙时，有那么一个人去分担。

对于自己的忙碌，我只觉得会有一定的收获。不是在于金钱上，而是心灵上的。满足感，是在工作后得到金钱不一定得到的。我很喜欢这种满足感。但生活与现实，还是觉得金钱还是很重要。工作还是要做，课业还是要顾。只能继续寻找那个属于自己的平衡点。

20岁，应该做些20岁应该做的与尝试未做过的……

归

2011-01-10T01:32:00.000+08:00

Finally came back from Junjong,Kedah. Our mission again complete. Not perfect enough yet we have try to do our best. Really wanted to thanks everyone who have given support and helped a lot during these few days.

这次虽然这是回乡区区4天，办了活动两天。但是我已觉得身心疲惫。总觉得自己慢慢的老了。身体都有点支撑不住。却还是要继续的扮到很有活力，很尽力充沛。因为我觉得我需要扮演这个角色，就像一直打不死的蟑螂，不停的往前冲，希望能把活力与快乐带给别人。目的就是如此简单、单纯。

忙碌是值得的。我在忙碌中学习。在生活中吸取经验，成长。我觉得这样的生命很无悔。至少我疯过，我曾有过如此的岁月。别人有的，我可能没有。但是我有的，我觉得已经够了。

有时候是总是那么的不完美，看开了，你就会发觉，其实也没有什么大不了。只要你认为美，没有什么是不完美的。没有什么好挑剔，我只能说我的乐观已超出别人的想像范围。我学着去接受一切，别人认为的美与不美。

对于新家，本身是觉得自己会糟蹋屋主的房子。因为实在太美了。也忙了半天去整理。虽然还有很多事情需要解决，也有很多事等着我去解决。既然这么多，也一时间解决不来，就慢慢来吧，比较快 =)

这次回去出息的人数有点少了，但是也感谢部分忠实的aunty和小朋友们！

我可爱的家人们 =)

可爱的组员们~

♥ 在义家，和我可爱的义弟义妹们♥

珍惜与感恩这每一刻 ♥

回乡

2011-01-05T19:21:00.000+08:00

So so so busy recently after came back from Port Dickson. Like many things haven’t done and time now is never enough for me. School going to reopen soon but I am not prepared for that yet as tomorrow will ‘balik kampung’—Kedah Junjong.

Having meeting for 3 days. And have to arrange to move the things to new condo as well. I was so surprise that my body can still hold on that strong when there are so much things that I have to do. But yes. Things never shot me down. I am always the one who like to do my best. And this is the best I could do for you all, COS family and also Junjong people. Hope there will be another success for the next three days at Kedah! Gar you people~!!! =)

Talking about my new place at KEN 3. It is very far away from bus station. Yet, I have no idea how can I stay there for a long time period. There were many things still need to be confirm and settle. Complicated. That’s all I wanted to say.

事情往往就是这样子，你控制不到，却逼着要去计划。然后计划有变，你又要再去计划过，然后再等到事情解决。一定会解决的。只是都在等待着一个时间。挣扎。做不出任何的决定。似乎在等待时间、时机，帮你做一个决定。会过去的，我告诉自己。我只能尽量去把现在要解决的事情先解决。

1.1.11

2011-01-01T14:18:00.000+08:00

不懂得怎么开始写这篇文章，但却有很多东西想和大家分享。这个新年过得有点疲惫，因为刚从camp回来，大家都‘玩得’或是被折磨得很够力，但是又不想就这么浪费这个倒数新年的时刻，结果大家就硬撑到早上三四点才肯睡觉。简单的倒数，但对我来说却是特别的。少了某些东西，却多了一些不一样的。对于取舍，自己算是拿捏得不错了。

对于过去的一年，都过得很充实。加入了下乡团是我最大的获益。遇到了不同的人，大家却有着同样的梦想，一起经历过、欢笑过、哭过……这样的一年，我学会了看化一切。记得珍惜，一直是我的座右铭。但珍惜会使到自己不舍或感到不开心的话，不如学会释放。一生中遇到的人太多，我们都可能来不及抓住任何一个，但是不要紧，曾经拥有也是一种美。回忆总是美，就像烟花一样，我们都抓不住那一瞬间要消失的烟花，但是却能把那美丽换成记忆，记得那意义，人生的经历不过就是如此吗？

人一直一直地成长，但是我觉得真正的成长，是在于自己有多了解自己，是否意识到自己在成长着……当然我是指心灵上与思想上。在这已熟悉的陌生城市生活了快要两年，成长是必然，我没有要耍老的意思，只是觉得自己也慢慢踏入了2字头的命运，是不能再耍白痴或写一些没有思想的东西了。20岁，要跨出那个界限之前，我对自己说要保持坚强，做好心理准备去迎接这个阶段要面对的一切，要学习，不断的学习不同的东西，提醒自己不要再犯同样的错误，要尽量做回自己。

在立定目标前，我要先谢谢一直默默为我加油的妈妈，永远不会离弃我的家人，还有所有陪我一起经历成长的朋友，因为有你们，我才不会孤单的话着……

Port Dickson的海与天空

我喜欢海，因为有自由的感觉，吹着海风，听着海浪的声音，我活着。

活在同一片天空下，你听到我的声音吗？

下乡人，一家人。

Friends, thank you for everything and let the past stay at the past. Should let the memories keep sweet and beautiful always. No matter what I’ve done to you badly, do forgive me. I would like to use the time in the future, perhaps in this year, I try my best to play a part to become your better friend.

It’s time to recharge myself and prepare for the journey in 2011.

Gar you to you and me =)

字与照

2010-12-28T01:57:00.000+08:00

My days at Ipoh comes to an end when the Christmas bell stop ringing. I had a lovely week here although it’s short. Surprisingly, I was able to meet up with all my friends and have a chance to chat with them. Not in so depth, just a simple talk, perhaps we could feel the friendship still there.

作为一个开头，很喜欢用英文

或者喜欢或习惯性

觉得不用华语来开头比较好

但是这重要吗？

就像在一场谈话中每次都聊开了像场争论

但这不是辩论我不会争着要赢

赢对我来说也并不重要

我在乎素质在乎那个意义

如果你觉得开心的话

做什么事，其实重要性只在于你自己爽不爽，开不开心~

回去了KL

看着人来人往的车站

不知人们的心情是如何

是不舍还是期待？

对这

我已变得麻木

一个人坐在车站

等待似乎已变成习惯

不抱着任何的心情

平淡的

静静的

可是还会期待下一次的归来

突然想起那天摸酒杯的时刻

很潇洒很大人

因为能够坐在那像大人般的聊起小孩子不再明白的事

再拿起酒狠狠的喝下去

也不会像以前一样觉得酒难喝的样子

对长大了

这也是长大的过程之一

很多时候都听到不同朋友对我的看法

有时候会在乎有时候会选择不去理睬

因为这就是我自己

你可以说我串但是你不能抹杀我惯性想置身事外的权利

有时候真的希望不用言语就能达到共识

也许你觉得你懂我

但是人是复杂的

在背后总有很多你不知道的

我同意你不代表什么

只是觉得有时候你说的也是对的

但我认同每个人都有自己的故事

你可以继续你的

我也在活着我的…

ஐﻬ♂ LIFE muz--GO oN--♀ ﻬஐ

The first stageplay

我很忙

Past few weeks back to 2011

Santa Claus did not come to me

信任

虽然我也只是个妹妹

伤不起

沉淀

又一年

生日·快乐

短文

The box

触动

Soft melody in life

The Anniversary and…

述说那些年……

浪

Back to the movie mood

那些关于爱情

Peer Support Day

一个影片 勾起了无数的回忆

瓶颈

无题

A great man’s ‘great’ with his contribution and ability to change the world.

小事之悟

不要做别人的不一样 做自己的主人

♥还是喜欢那片天空 那片海♥

Full Moon Night

I Love Art!

心淡

如果叹气能够让自己好过些

Say ‘hello’ to ‘goodbye’

习惯的离别

那几天

买不到的欢乐

All about 30-Hour Famine

'The 533th’ 日誌第533章

不停的战斗，这就是人生

等待着反攻

Keep going on

The self

Nothing to be disgraced

If you could live on more day in life

志

It’s hurt.

Grateful for every second you breath

20

Searching for a way out

Filial,it’s now. 孝顺，要及时。

遗忘

Sentiment

再难的生活也要笑着过

A week just like a year

Disappointment

There are something ever important in my life called family & friends.

The Past·And now we grown up·当我们小时候

Fed up

念

I miss those days.

沉

If there is a chance for you to change,will you take the chance?

分·裂

It’s living,it’s working,it’s dying,it’s life.

Working at KLCC

There were something inside,where we just always keep in the heart.

这一夜

The 501st post

背包客·梦

Melaka trip

Gloomy day

Another visit to orphanage

散·文

Just live for it

Bonding camp ♥ COS

Midnight thought

Fact

Update for short

语·思

Little new life

一个影片勾起了无数的回忆

不要做别人的不一样做自己的主人

♥还是喜欢那片天空那片海♥

字与照