28.11.10

Verstande

1. 有时候纯粹不想说话,就这样……
2. 很多事情都有两面,看你往哪一方面去想、去看……
3. 我看到了两面……所以会矛盾,会迟疑……
4. 在处于两立的世界,我无处可去……
5. 闭关了两天……心情也沉淀了许多……
6. 明天要面对‘社会学’考试,心想尽力了就好,看来还是逃不过命运……
7. 有些想法会改变……但有些会一直一直的出现在脑海……
8. 在学习着不跟风,不轻易被人影响,去证明自己是有思想的……
9. 开朗的我就快回来了……那黑夜会被天明取代……
10. 结束了,其实只是想硬硬写到第十句……

p/s: 话说这个title只想学以致用……verstande 是德文……understanding的意思……读socio读到疯了……

27.11.10

糟·空

只想说心情很糟
完全没有读书的心……
只是感觉到很疲惫……
不想被命运左右……
试着反抗……
但却发觉无论你多么的努力
一次又一次的对抗着
结果还是敌不过命运
最累的不是要努力的对抗……
而是在努力过后却改变不了命运……
这才是令人最累最无奈的事了……
无论我多么的相信努力能改变命运
但是现实告诉我
你不够它斗的……

今天的自己很悲观
只是此刻的我无法去乐观
不要批评我的悲观
不用置疑
我只是想写下自己现在的心情与想法
不用刻意的安慰
如果需要的话早就post在面子书了……
张贴在这里……
只想保留那么一点的空间给自己……
或许看到这一切的你……
会明白我的心情……
谢谢你的关心
至少你会去看完这篇文章……
我的乐观会回来的……

19

The feeling I want to record down for today (not only for today...for this week perhaps)
is horrible and terrible....
People cant reallly feel it if u ever done a research paper all by ur ownself...
and this is also the first time I rushed my assignment non-stopped until 5 in the morning...
the first time I pass my birthday with this gift from Dr. Goh...
the first time I pass my assignment just on time...
My mood was swinging around...
Without enough sleep...
And actually I was not really conscious on what happened today...=P
But I will not forget there were group of friends who celebrate birthday with me...
Friends who are stay far away...
but still post some blesses on my facebook wall or sms me...
I have no idea how to express this out...
The feel of simple can make things special...
Like what I have told leeyee...
It was totally simple for me...
But really I am fully appreaciate it deep in my heart...
Perhaps I just dont know how to express literally...
----------------------------------------------------
其实生日每年都有得过……
对我来说真的是一年比一年过得还要简单了……
越简单越好……
其实并不需要多……
有心就够了……
有时自己真的没有太执着于某些有的没有的……
有也可以
没有也没关系

或许我真的很想要某些东西
但是有时候与其强求……
不如往好的方面去想……
学会知足
学会珍惜拥有的
不是对号入座
只是觉得有些道理是对的
可能此时此刻真的很想去杰伦的演唱会
但真的觉得自己能力有限
或许妈妈与姐姐都说得对
我没有资格也没有能力
说服她们根本是没有可能的事

或许你会觉得我生日的post有点emo……
但是这也是我长大的表现吧
思想怎么说都改变了
我想说其实我不伟大
有时也会有那么一点的自私
很矛盾也很无奈
简单的来说
真的很少人能都真正的接近我……
那个真正的我
我不擅于言语
我也不懂自己再写着什么了

 只想对任何一位祝福过我、陪着我一起度过生日的家人,朋友……
说声谢谢~
这是简单的
但却不平凡…… =)

25.11.10

Critical period

Again still rushing my assignment until half way...
would like to come up here and throw all my tiredness and madness
I just ''beh tahan'' to glance through the past reseaches and researches...
Why we cant just write...oh i forgot i dont have the authority..
perhaps I became a professional one day
and write my own theory
then no need tortured by all the brillian and hard-to-understand research and studies...

This week will be the critical period in part of my life
Kind of suffer between individual assignment and exam...
Really out of time to revise for exam
Perhaps I should finish my assignment first.
and sadly to say
I have to pass my birthday with my "lovely" mr. assignment and mr. socio
THANK YOU SO  MUCH~!! x.x
For giving me such a "good" birthday present...
I fed up...
U win...
but I will still try my best to fight till the last moment...

24.11.10

Terrified

Is being tortured by assignment and coming socio final exam...
Just feel over stress recently whenever assignments come...
What the hell I am doing?
Seriously no idea...
And suppose I have no time to blog but just feel-to-blog to make me relax and happier...
and also felt guilty whenever my evil,devil or whatever my bad housemate asking me to play with them
I just cant control myself...
Oh my god...~!!!
I was just too hate myself and actually the evil was in me, not them
and hell knows i have no idea how the past i have gone through
no matter how hard
I have been gone through

Optimistically view
It's actually the same
even though sometimes we feel that is not same
but the process actually the same and started over and over again~
Assignment/tests--scare and cant sleep and do til midnite--finally pass up on time and pray hard for grades--pass
it still will come to an end
it just maybe the result or outcome will not be the same

Perhaps at this moment
I told myself
It should be done!
and before that I should take enough sleep first...
Nite =)

21.11.10

jill's De PhoTographer

Love to take photo...
Love music....
Love everything related to art...
I think if I'm not taking Psychology..
I will be taking photography or music...
Though be realistic, it is a tough way and spend more than ever...
Still I will keep it as a hobby...

Perhaps there is something else other than odd and meaningless college's life...
Music is one of the component in my life...
As well as taking photograph...
How much I wanted that to have a bag of money to buy all the things that I want...
But coming back to reality...
It was nothing is really really important...
I just love it...
perhaps it just make my life more luxurious...

I ♥ DSLR



♥ music


♥ myself
oh this is the recent me who go out with my hometown friends
Had a very good time with my family and friends here for 5 days...
Got a chance to celebrate Susu's birthday as well as my be-earlier birthday...
It's just a simple dinner with mum's cook...
But it means more than ever....
A simple cake with a simple birthday song...it is more than special~
Greatest satisfaction and happiness and warm...
Thank you ♥

17.11.10

我说

我望出窗外……

看着妈妈站在火车站外等待着……
她还看不到我……
而我就在火车内看着妈妈期待的望着人群……
等到我出来了……
她呆呆的望着我说:“黑眼圈又深了……” 
我苦笑了一下……
心里莫名的悸动……
--------------------------------------------
又趁假期跑回了家……

很珍惜也很把握每一次能回家的机会……
因为真的很难的……
想着自己接下来会有很多东西要做……
差不多每个礼拜都忙的时候……
想要一个月回一次家真的很难……

而这个礼拜……
回家……
只想送自己一份简单的生日礼物……
简单的买个蛋糕跟妈妈庆祝生日……

记得前几年都是跟朋友庆祝……
总是期待朋友们会怎么帮自己庆祝……
期待着惊喜……
也曾抱怨过妈妈没帮我庆生……
甚至不记得我的生日……

但我好像忘记了谁会记得自己最痛苦的时刻啊?
感恩这两个字……
我把它丢去哪里了?……
我竟然忘了那个最重要的人……
那个把我带到这个世界的人……
也忘了她在那天怎么辛苦的把我生下来……
惭愧了……
学会不再任性……
更学会了平静的面对一切……

又看回了自己以前的文章……
真的不得不笑以前的自己……
写的东西是那么的幼稚……
对……
现在不幼稚了……
也不能幼稚了……
现在的小孩可以幼稚、可以天真……
是幸福的……


我静悄悄地来过
我慢慢带走沉默
只是最后的承诺
还是没有带走了寂寞

14.11.10

忙碌
我已不晓得是什么东西了……
无法形容现在的自己
只是觉得生活
过得充实
时间都被很多计划挤满了
找不到时间工作
或者是放纵自己太久了
不想回到工作的社会
对计划是要钱的
没有了工作
钱的来源就是痛苦
说要存
没有工作真的不知那些钱从哪里来
想要的东西很多
却发觉自己是无法满足的人类
更是一个没有能力大学生

了解了……
妈妈说的对
真的很想过一些无忧无虑
想什么就要什么的生活
谁不想呢?
她真的很想给我想要的……
但现实点吧……
学习着知足……
与其想着要更多
不如想自己其实已经拥有很多了……

12.11.10

''sentence-like'' story

Oh I am going to make this sentence by sentence but not writing essay, it's just a mind at the moment


1. I am sort of mentally imbalance for rushing two assignments together for the past few days.
2. Emotionally unstable psychological speaking.
3. This sem going to end soon and this year going to end as well...
4. Trying to flash back anything that have gave me the best memory, but I cant....
5. Everything is memorable in my life ever...it wouldnt easily fade away...
6. Obsessive and cant wait to go to Jay's new era concert next year =D
7. Money is a HUGE problem~ x.x
8. Yea there is something called ''ah-ha'' moment in life...unfortunately that I cant note all down =(
9. Mr Socio is very terrible...I hate it in a way that I also love 'him' so much...>.<

No no no...
Have nothing to write anymore...
Perhaps not now...nitez =)

3.11.10

sense of restless

Feeling so restless this few days after get back from bonding trip last Sunday...
Din post it out and I just kept it in my draft....
Again wrote till half way
mood change
emotionally talking
I was not in mood to continue my writing
and there are messy thoughts in my mind
so I stopped there and did not make any new post

Yet
there are many things I wan to share with
but time just not allow me to do so
I said assignment week which indicates that my assignments due date coming soon
and I need to spend at least 2 days to glance through all past researches, theories and references
and another 2 days to complete it perhaps...
No I'm not a genius
I dont think the assignments will be done incredibly good
(for sure the lecturers that I knew are very strict )
But still there are efforts that I will put on
try my best to complete it at least

yes
I am emo now
hate to use the word "emo"
but it would be the best word to describe the mood maybe
being emo is not a sin
being emo even is a trend
everyone likes to say this whenever they are down
no they wont say I'm so down or desperate or whatever but using the word "emo"
I like trend
but I hate the blindness to follow the trend
I judge
I wonder
Is that really the existence of something is wrong?
Things just flash in my mind
and there are too many at once
makes me feel breathless and numb
Restless
maybe a journey back home can make me feel better